“Do you remember now?”
“Mm.”
The clamor from the streets drifted faintly into the courtyard, muted to a distant hum. Birds twittered and chirped amidst the rustling tree branches outside while the brazier crackled softly within. A lone droplet trembled on the edge of a snow-cloaked plum blossom by the window, threatening to fall at any moment.
“So we’ve known each other for that long,” she said quietly after a while.
“You picked me up back then. Otherwise, I would’ve died at that time.” He gave a soft laugh. “I didn’t really want to keep living.”
Silence lingered for a spell before he confessed in hushed tones, “I actually didn’t feel like going on back then.”
Slanting rays sifted through the window lattices, strips of light rippling steadily over him. Half-shadowed by flickering flames, his profile seemed to emanate its own ephemeral glow, blurring at the edges as though a mere stir of wind could disperse it entirely.
“Changle District was chaotic those years. Death came easily and murder ran rampant. That day, I had another attack and collapsed alone in the alley. For an instant, it didn’t seem so terrible to die right there.”
His lips quirked mirthlessly. “Just another nameless corpse left on the streets…that would’ve been a quiet end.”
She shook her head sharply, flicking his crown in rebuke. “Don’t think that way.”
“I won’t anymore,” he acquiesced, dipping his chin slightly. “Too much still left to do for such thoughts.”
“Besides…” Traces of amusement lurked within his downcast eyes. “You came and took me away that day.”
“I remember bringing you back to my teacher’s tavern after finding you,” she said, cupping both cheeks as memories surfaced. “You just lay there silently on the bed, never speaking a word. I thought you were too stifling.”
She paused briefly before inquiring, “So you became his disciple back then?”
He nodded once. “After you rescued me, Teacher noticed my old wounds and took me on as a student. His inner energy teachings have sustained my frail health all these years, otherwise I wouldn’t have lived this long.”
“Why were you in Changle in the first place?” She frowned puzzledly. “The central wards were much too hazardous back then…no place for a Crown Prince at all.”
“I heard my mother once resided around here nearly twenty years ago,” he revealed quietly. “In this very courtyard before she met my father. So I purchased the premises in order to investigate her background during my stay.”
Pain shadowed his eyes. “I wanted to uncover her origins. The court only told me she came from an eminent southern clan. But I needed to know more about her…”
Why she abandoned him.
Choosing instead the cruelest possible path by taking her own life alongside her unborn child’s.
The girl at his side gripped his hand tighter. “Did you ever learn the reason…” she asked tentatively.
“Mm. I found out later,” he whispered. “I don’t wish to speak of it now. In time, I will take you to visit her grave.”
“In truth…” He hesitated briefly. “You’ve seen her already.”
She quieted in understanding. “The imperial mausoleum?”
“Yes.” He closed his eyes wearily. “Twas one of my father’s secrets. He has always conducted himself as a strict yet prudent ruler, scarcely erring throughout his long reign…except in taking her as primary wife against custom. Yet still he named her Empress and me as Heir Apparent.”
Head lowered, her voice came out muffled. “I don’t think your father treated you well.”
His soft exhale held tinges of amusement. “As Son of Heaven, political concerns take utmost priority, leaving scant room for personal sentiment. Seated thus on the Dragon Throne, total impartiality becomes paramount. He trusts me as his sword and shield, to kill and to die by his decree.”
“Over the years, his tacit sanction allowed me to maneuver against the North Bureau eunuchs despite their clear enmity,” he went on quietly. “For the court’s future stability, Prime Minister Ru and I are firmly resolved to eliminate them.”
She pursed her lips in disagreement. “Why does he allow them to control such military might?”
“It’s complicated,” he explained after an acknowledging laugh. “Consider the Emperor’s perspective. Of all his courtiers, in-laws, and meritorious ministers, who resides closest enough to inspire true trust save the attendant eunuchs? Moreover, I’ve heard Grand Councilor Yu offered critical support during the struggle over succession years ago.”
He paused contemplatively. “In some ways, they’re political allies.”
“But power has corrupted them completely now. Their political meddling and domination over court and army can no longer be tolerated. I fear for the realm if left unchecked.” His tone turned grim. “My lord and I are in agreement – the tumor must be excised fully lest it metastasize.”
“You had…already resolved to die from the beginning,” she uttered softly.
He lowered his gaze. “Mm.”
“Why wouldn’t you tell me?” Her grip on him tightened angrily. “I’m not afraid of grief. You should have confided everything from the start so we could have faced it together.”
“Silly girl.” He closed his eyes briefly, an old pain lurking beneath the careworn lines. “I didn’t want you to go through…”
Death.
He didn’t wish for her first personal brush with mortality to be his.
“The departed stay gone. Tis the one eternal certainty of this mundane sphere yet the living struggle perpetually to accept its reality. I’ve witnessed it myself repeatedly and understand intimately the depth of anguish it brings.”
Haunted eyes lifted towards some unseen past. “One hundred and seventy souls perished that autumn day on Phoenix Lake and I remember each of their names.”
“…It hurts too much.”
His fingertips quivered faintly. She clasped them tighter, casting lines to anchor him in place. Raising his gaze slowly to meet hers, he summoned a wan smile devoid of its habitual irony, clear and peaceful as winter sunshine bringing fleeting warmth even amidst snowfall.
“You and I differ greatly in this aspect.”
After an extended stretch of muted birdsong and tolling bells heralding nightfall prayers, he finally whispered, “Absent you, my existence within this mundane realm remains meaningless. Yet a life without me…surely you would have found far more joy and happiness.”
Eyelids drifted shut, veil-like lashes fanning shadows across his cheek. “I often feel that…”
With a nearly soundless plink, the suspended bead of water on the plum blossom’s edge quivered once before detaching to land on the sill.
Soft fingers unexpectedly sealed themselves over his lips.
Bending down, she pressed a kiss to his forehead.
His gaze wavered, something terribly vulnerable surfacing amidst the quiet dignity. A balmy breeze gusted through the open window, carrying with it traces of snow, plum fragrance, the moist scent of early spring, and the mingled aroma of their fluttering sleeves.
“Stay,” she entreated softly.
His breathing nearly stopped. Descending slowly, her kiss grazed his brow, the elegant arch of bone above his eye, pale trembling lids, the chiseled line of his nose before hovering gently at the corner of his mouth.
Warm…and tender, a benediction bestowed countless nights to provide solace while he slept.
Bloodstained radiance silently pooled across the wooden floors.
“Stay with me,” she whispered against his ear.
He slowly closed then reopened his eyes.
“Alright,” he acquiesced just as softly.
At this moment, too weak to even stir, he desperately yearned to cradle her with all remaining strength and return her embrace a thousandfold. Like the pale emerging rays that herald another cycle of seasons, she had become his solitary warmth against the encroaching cold and struggling heartbeat through this endless dream-like illusion of reality.
His fingertips spasmed helplessly until captured and enclosed by her own. She leaned forward, slender arms looping loosely around his neck as she laughed under her breath by his ear, suddenly gleeful. “You’re mine now.”
“Feels a bit like taking advantage honestly,” she confessed slyly.
Motes streamed relentlessly through the narrow casements. The girl before him had eyes as luminous as a forest pool, gleaming with hints of mischief as though she were a sly fox spirit. Laugh lines fanned gently beside those bright orbs brimming with starlight as she studied his reflected image.
He chuckled once, the sound low in his throat. “I have always been yours.”
Mollified, she gave a small satisfied nod, pert chin bumping playfully along his jawline.
Dark lashes fluttered when her warm exhale stirred the fine hairs near his temple. “Physician Shen said my methods for healing you showed much promise and may be continued in future,” she informed him lazily. “Your teacher used similar techniques before as well right? Such inner energy cultivation helps contain the cold nature of your wounds.”
He affirmed quietly. “Teacher himself suffered from old injuries that limited how much aid he could provide.”
“I’m different though.” A hint of pride colored her voice. “I just find it a little tiring to minister your treatments everyday.”
She went on cheerily, “Doctor Shen mentioned the new formula I applied today worked exceptionally well. We’ll keep using it once you recover a bit more. Slow and steady – your health will return in time.”
“Very well.” He nodded meekly in response.
After a short spell, he turned his head slightly towards her, suddenly inquiring, “Something I’ve wondered for the longest time…when did you realize?”
When had she discerned Zhu Zi’an and Xie Wuyan were the same man?
“Very early on actually – I think some part of me always knew even if I didn’t consciously acknowledge it yet.” She gave a quiet laugh. “My heart recognized you as itself.”
Even before that, perhaps her body had known on some intrinsic level from their first encounter.
Unable to resist, he softly echoed her words from a moonlit spring night once upon a time. “But how did you know for certain?”
She pondered briefly before leaning in to whisper softly by his ear, “Because it was you.”
He lowered his gaze, shoulders shaking slightly – with mirth or poignancy or some mixture of both, she couldn’t quite tell. As she watched him, a stray notion surfaced. “I do have another question. I know your teacher instructed you in disguises but why does even your voice change?”
“Mm. Speaking in a lowered register produces Zhu Zi’an’s tones.”
He considered briefly then called out softly, “Xiao Man.”
Resonant and pleasing, that particular timbre seemed to emanate from his chest, blurred at the edges with drowsy warmth.
She shivered, gooseflesh rising as if she were burning from within.
“Don’t call me like that so often,” she mumbled almost inaudibly. “Save it only for special occasions.”
“As you wish,” he acquiesced amiably.
“Xiao Man,” he repeated, eyes drifting shut. “Let me rest for just a short while?”
She smiled wryly to herself. “All that talking in circles when you just wanted to sleep.”
“I’m terribly exhausted,” he pleaded, words slurring together. “Just a quick nap please…don’t let Doctor Shen know, help me distract him later.”
She gazed down at him, fighting the nearly irrepressible urge to smooth back the unruly fringe of bangs. As he turned slightly, the lovely angles of his profile emerged along with a glimpse of his pale neck where steady heartbeat visibly pulsed.
Something within her chest fluttered madly at the sight. She desperately longed to press her lips to the delicate skin just below his lashes.
Succumbing to temptation, she bent towards him, eyes starting to drift close just as he gave a sudden wicked grin. Strong fingers abruptly clamped down on her nape, dragging her down until they were nearly nose-to-nose. Craning up, he stole a swift kiss from the corner of her lips.
“Now we’re even,” he murmured smugly near her reddening ear.
She flushed even hotter, practically fuming. “Since when did you recover your strength?”
“Just now.” He smothered another laugh. “I’m spent so please…don’t let anyone find me.”
Turning away, he shut his eyes and swiftly sank into genuine slumber. Breath evening out, dusk softened his features as dark lashes whispered faintly against his skin, doubtless from lingering pain.
She cupped both cheeks, watching him closely from the bedside like a sneak thief as she daringly brushed her mouth over his elegantly arched eyelids.
Voice hushed, she accused playfully by his ear, “You owe me again now.”
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