In the room with tightly drawn curtains, Jing Yi’s throat tightened as he struggled to speak: “Why are you looking for me?”
Shu He immediately caught the distance in his voice. She stared at his bloodshot eyes. “Are you a child? Hiding away to cry in secret.”
Hearing her unusually cold voice, a wave of bitterness surged through him. His heart twisted into a tight knot.
He suddenly turned away, refusing to look at her. “Don’t you hate me?”
“Yes, I do hate you.”
Her words made Jing Yi’s emotions spiral out of control. Tears spilled from his eyes.
But before he could retreat, Shu He came closer, her tone calm: “I especially hate your tears.”
“…”
Every time she saw his tears, her heart softened involuntarily. All her resentment, bitterness and frustration simply vanished.
Jing Yi’s raven-like eyelashes trembled. Almost as he spoke, hot tears rolled down, wetting his dry lips. He tried to control the sourness spreading through his chest, his gaze falling on her shadow.
“This is my room. You’re the one who barged in.”
“So what?” Shu He crouched down, her clear, beautiful eyes capturing his reddened ones. “You barged into my world without asking for my permission either.”
“…”
His chest rose and fell slightly. Tears continued sliding down his pale cheeks. He bit his teeth and turned away from her.
The wheelchair suddenly rolled backwards. He choked back a sob: “Then you stay here.”
Shu He grabbed him, refusing to let him escape. Veins rose on the back of his clenched hand. Yet she insisted he look at her.
“Do you remember what you once said? That you’d never let me be alone again.”
His tears fell like unstrung pearls. When they were together, they’d shared countless intimate moments, yet never tasted each other’s tears.
Not once.
And now, his falling tears dropped straight into the gap in her heart—impossible to fill but creating undeniable ripples.
Shu He watched him quietly. “You betrayed the Jing Yi who loved me.”
“I didn’t.”
His breathing unsteady, eyes terribly red, black pupils moist. He could bear any complaint but this one.
“I still love you.”
He swallowed with difficulty, his voice hiding a trembling breakdown: “Maybe you don’t believe it, but countless times, if not for you, I would have died already.”
“Shu He, I can’t possibly not love you.”
The word ‘love’ often feels empty when overused. Meaningless. Same with ‘death’.
But Shu He’s heart suddenly found solid ground. It felt real and tangible.
“But you always shut me out.”
In the silent, cold room, Jing Yi cried quietly. He understood what Shu He wanted to know.
“The day before yesterday was the anniversary of my mother’s death.”
When he spoke again, his voice was still choked, but he wouldn’t look at her.
“In that car accident, I became disabled. She died.”
His words fell, as if awaiting her judgment. After a long silence, Shu He asked calmly: “Would you mind telling me why?”
Under the cold light, his long eyelashes were damp. He remained silent for a long time, but Shu He didn’t push him further.
Him telling her anything at all was already progress.
She stood up. Jing Yi looked up dully, and seeing her about to leave, reflexively grabbed her hand. Under the pale light, his reddened eyes were wet, like a pleading puppy: “If it really was because of me, you…”
His hand was cold, like ice, cooling all the emotions in her heart.
She held his wrist, hidden beneath his sleeve, and pulled her own hand away.
Shu He spoke calmly, “If you knew we were destined to break up, would you still have pursued me back then?”
In the cold room, his Adam’s apple bobbed. His eyelids burned with pain. His chest felt tight, barely able to breathe.
Shu He picked up the bag with the scarf and turned. As she did, he finally said in a hoarse voice: “I never thought we would break up.”
He stared at her back, enduring pain that nearly consumed him, choking as he repeated: “I never, ever thought we would break up.”
What he had thought about was marrying her.
Shu He silently closed her eyes, her fingertips digging into her palm, yet she felt no pain.
“That’s why I hate the word ‘if’.” She turned around, her light eyes still calm and cold. Meeting his wet black eyes, she suddenly curved her lips: “Crouching was quite tiring.”
“I hope one day you’ll come to me and tell me everything.”
“But you know, I’m not a patient person.”
Back in her room, Shu He didn’t immediately shower.
After a busy day, including barging into his room, she sat exhausted on her yoga mat and took out the scarf from the bag.
The scarf was a gentle light pink, printed with the brand logo. The quality was excellent. Shu He lost herself in thought, remembering this model cost nearly 5,000 yuan and was hard to find.
Jing Yi understood his own handsomeness perfectly. Before, he liked buying various hoodies and outdoor jackets. Unlike other men, he knew how to dress well and flaunt his good looks.
Especially in front of Shu He, he was like a peacock showing off its feathers, holding nothing back.
Shu He had remarked countless times that he was a clothes hanger. He would proudly say: “Your boyfriend is good at everything.”
But now, thinking back to after they moved in together, he only wore ordinary clothes. The whole person seemed to have lost his shine, except for that royal blue sweater she gave him.
Shu He felt complicated. Wasn’t he struggling financially?
Then there were those times he’d suddenly transfer her large sums of money. She began to wonder.
She checked Li Minyu’s social media. She was travelling, enjoying a retirement life enviably happy. Shu He thought for a moment but decided not to disturb her.
For several days, Jing Yi still didn’t visit the coffee shop, and Shu He didn’t interfere.
However, every night when she returned, the table had hot supper waiting.
Sometimes home-cooked dishes, sometimes a hearty bowl of noodles.
The chef never appeared, staying hidden in his room, only to prepare supper for her again the next day.
The snail puppy was a good cook. Shu He didn’t refuse, but sometimes deliberately found fault.
Shu He: [Too much vinegar in the sweet and sour ribs.]
Jing Yi: […That’s the standard amount.]
Shu He: [Seems your ‘standard’ isn’t accurate.]
Jing Yi: […]
Shu He: [Too many noodles. Cook less next time, I can’t finish.]
Jing Yi: [Mm.]
Shu He: [Don’t cook fish next time. I don’t like picking out bones.]
He didn’t say much, but the next day, the appealing crabs and prawns in front of Shu He had their shells carefully removed. The prawn and crab meat was intact and tender, the crab roe a brilliant gold.
On one hand, she felt she was being unreasonably picky. On the other, she enviously thought…this person really has a lot of free time.
After eating like this for several days, Shu He sighed at her increasing weight.
She sent him a message with a straight face: [Stop making supper. I’m not eating anymore.]
This time he replied quickly: [Why? Doesn’t it taste good?]
Shu He: [I’m getting fat.]
Jing Yi stared glumly at this message for a long time. He knew Shu He was annoyed with him again. Weight gain must be an excuse to fool him—she would never get fat.
Just a few days, and she’d changed.
He slowly opened her WeChat, feeling even more aggrieved.
After all this time, he still hadn’t added her personal WeChat, but Cheng Shu and Liang Xu had.
The “Tiantian” coffee shop had just posted an update: [January 16-January 30 closed for holiday. Happy New Year in advance~]
January 16th…that was the day after tomorrow.
Jing Yi suddenly felt anxious. Was she going home for New Year?
…She probably was, but for how many days? When she returned, the house lease would expire in just one month. Would she leave?
He felt uneasy. As he came out of his room, Shu He had just returned, dragging a large suitcase.
His face turned pale, his voice trembling: “Are you leaving today?”
Shu He pulled the suitcase towards her bedroom, her clear eyes glancing calmly at him: “Leaving where?”
The wheelchair made a slight noise as it slid across the floor. He followed behind her, stopping at her bedroom door without entering: “New Year.”
Shu He put the suitcase in the corner and came back out. “What’s wrong?”
She wasn’t packing. He followed her in confusion: “I thought you were leaving today.”
Shu He walked in front of him, casually tying her long hair into a loose, lazy low bun. She went straight to the balcony and brought in her mint leaves.
“So eager for me to leave?”
“I’m not,” he denied sullenly.
Shu He glanced at him: “Even if you wanted me to, it wouldn’t matter. You’re not the landlord.”
“…I saw you with a suitcase.”
“That’s because my suitcase is broken.”
He looked downcast. “When will you come back?”
Shu He washed her hands, not looking up. “Why ask that? Don’t you like being alone? When I come back has nothing to do with you.”
“…”
In a spot she didn’t notice, his gaze was deep and mournful. “You weren’t like this a few days ago.”
“Like what?” There was no hot water at home. Shu He filled the kettle and plugged it in. When she turned around, she saw him following her closely.
“You actually came looking for me.”
Shu He leaned back, arms crossed, looking at him: “I was just afraid you’d die.”
“…”
His dark eyes stared at her pretty face that now denied everything. He looked like a drooping puppy.
“How kind of you to worry about your flatmate’s life.”
His tone clearly showed unhappy resentment. Shu He’s lips curved in a faint smile: “You’re overthinking.”
“If something happened to you, I’d be the first suspect as your flatmate.”
“…”
He probably hadn’t expected this reason. He looked glum while Shu He was quite cheerful. She turned around, her voice mixing with the bubbling sound of boiling water: “What about you?”
“What?”
“When are you going home for New Year?”
Jing Yi answered without much thought: “I’m not going.”
The white mist made her eyelids feel warm. Her lowered eyelashes trembled slightly. She didn’t turn around, her tone still light: “Spending New Year alone?”
“Mm.” He moved forward. Somehow he’d developed a habit of tugging at people’s clothes. Two fingers lightly pinched the corner of her sweater, wanting her to turn around: “So will you come back early, please?”
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