ATLAS TRANSLATES

Shu He returned to her room, trying hard to calm her emotions.

But when she closed her eyes, all she could see was his bloodshot eyes.

She felt restless. She grabbed her clean clothes and went to the bathroom to shower, applied a face mask, and moisturised her body. When everything was done, she lay under the covers as exhaustion overwhelmed her.

That night, she had a dream.

She dreamt she was actually getting married, holding flowers in a beautiful, exquisite wedding dress. Beside her stood a stranger.

Everyone was happy for her, but she felt lost, like an outsider, until Jing Yi appeared.

He wasn’t devastated as she’d imagined. He was extremely calm, and truly as she’d said, he brought her a gift.

He hugged her and whispered in her ear, so only she could hear: “Happy wedding day, sister.”

“I used to think if you married someone else, I’d be mad with jealousy. So jealous I’d want to kill him.”

“But that would make you unhappy. You’d hate me, wouldn’t you?”

His calm face concealed a sickly madness. Yet he seemed as if he might vanish the next second, beyond anyone’s grasp.

Strangely, Shu He didn’t feel frightened at all. Instead, she looked at him greedily, watching as his eyes reddened and tears fell.

His wet, calm black eyes seemed to hold endless despair.

“Sister, no one wants me.”

His tears hurt Shu He so much she felt she might die of pain. She wanted to wipe away his tears, but he seemed not to exist—she couldn’t touch him.

“I can’t bear you hating me, and I can’t bear you marrying someone else.” His falling tears seemed to burn a hole in her heart, letting in a cold, unstoppable wind.

The scene changed. Shu He saw him choosing to die among beautiful, vibrant flowers, in the spring she loved, leaving himself no way out.

He said everyone wanted him to disappear, so he would.

“Sister, I’m doing as you asked.”

— Shu He woke with a start.

Her back was cold with sweat, and it took a long while to calm down.

Since she’d woken early, she did her yoga practice in the morning. Afterwards, she took out some unopened parcels and sat on the floor opening them.

When finished, the room was a bit messy. After tidying everything up, she went out just as someone rang the doorbell.

It was the cleaning lady, who muttered: “Little Shu, is your digital lock broken?”

Shu He was surprised. She pressed it twice and found it was indeed broken.

She left the rubbish by the door and returned to her room to message Li Minyu.

The reply came quickly with an OK emoji: [I’ll send someone to fix it.]

Shu He went to shower. When she came out, she saw the cleaning lady familiar putting things in the fridge. She made herself a bowl of wontons. By the time she finished eating, the lady had nearly finished cleaning the living room and was about to clean her bedroom.

“Auntie, you don’t need to clean my room,” she stopped her. The bedroom was a private space for her, and she preferred to clean it herself.

“You can go clean his room.”

The lady said, “Oh, Mr Jing should still be sleeping now.”

Shu He poured herself a glass of water and remarked casually, “You seem quite familiar with his schedule.”

The lady smiled. “The first time I came to clean, I thought no one was home. The curtains were drawn tight, making it hard to breathe, like no one lived here.”

“Later I found out he works at night and rarely goes out. You young people with your upside-down schedules—so unhealthy.”

“You’re Mr Jing’s girlfriend, right? This place finally looks like a home.”

“I’m not his girlfriend,” Shu He explained. “We’re just flatmates.”

The lady made a surprised sound. Shu He found her reaction odd.

She explained, “After you moved in, Mr Jing sent me a list. I stock up according to the list every time. He said you enjoy these things. I thought you were a couple.”

Shu He didn’t know about this. She put down her glass. “May I see the list?”

The lady handed over her phone without hesitation.

Shu He’s eyes fell on the worn screen. The fruits and vegetables he’d listed were indeed all her favourites.

She finally understood why there was so much yoghurt in the fridge.

She’d thought he bought it and, being a considerate flatmate, hadn’t touched his things.

But one day, he casually said: “Auntie bought too much. It’ll go to waste if no one drinks it.”

Using the excuse of not wasting food, he’d given all the yoghurt to her.

Shu He had wondered why he didn’t just tell the cleaning lady he didn’t like yoghurt. Yet somehow, the fridge was always stocked with it.

Now she knew why.

She returned the phone to the lady and looked at that firmly closed door.

Last night after she’d spoken, he’d instantly let go of her. His eyes were very red as he turned his head and shed tears, looking hurt.

Shu He began to wonder if he was really still asleep or, like last time, had shut himself away.

He was like a twisted shell—whenever unhappy or hurt, he would close himself off completely. No one on the outside could pry him open.

She needed to visit Yao Qing. After leaving, she realised she’d forgotten something.

When she hurriedly got out of the lift, she searched through her bag but couldn’t find her key.

The digital lock was broken, and the cleaning lady had probably left. She had no choice but to message Jing Yi.

— [Are you awake? Could you open the door for me?]

Her finger paused as she remembered what the cleaning lady said. He really might not be awake at this hour…

Never mind.

She never sent the message. As she put away her phone and turned to leave, she heard movement behind her.

The door opened from the outside. He stood there with messy, thick black hair, face pale, with faint darkness under his eyes. After opening the door, he glanced at her briefly, then turned and left without a word.

Shu He was confused by his sudden action. Quickly, she called after him: “Wait.”

The figure leaning on his crutch froze. Shu He walked to his side, looking up at him. “Why did you suddenly come open the door? Did you know I forgot my key?”

He turned his head away, his voice a bit hoarse: “Why else would you be standing at the door?”

Shu He frowned: “How did you know I was at the door?”

“…..”

It had been a while since she’d looked up at him like this. He remained silent, lips pressed into a line, looking like a large dog sulking but with claws retracted.

Shu He suddenly wanted to pat his head to make him lower it, or ask him to sit down. Looking up was tiring.

“There’s a security camera.”

After a long while, he reluctantly admitted.

Shu He frowned. “Why didn’t Li Auntie tell me?”

He glanced at her without answering. Shu He still didn’t let him go. “Where can you view the camera feed?”

“……”

He seemed reluctant to tell her. Shu He suddenly guessed something. She looked around and questioned: “Not just at the door? In the living room too?”

“…..”

“The bedroom?”

“No,” he denied quickly this time.

Shu He eyed him suspiciously: “Why install cameras at home?”

He looked away. “Don’t know. They were already here when I moved in.”

Shu He took out her phone. “Which app shows the camera feed?”

His gaze fell on her cool, pretty face: “Why do you want to know?”

Shu He gave him a look: “Only you can see the cameras? I can’t?”

“……”

He showed her how to download the app. Shu He went back to her room to get her things. Before leaving, she turned back and saw him standing in the living room with his crutch, silently watching her.

His lips were pressed thin, his black eyes staring at her intently, as if piercing through her coldness, deflating softly.

“I’ll be back late tonight. Don’t wait up.”

—

Yao Qing was recovering well. When Shu He’s brother returned, the three of them had dinner together before she left.

During this time, Cheng Shu came to visit once. He brought a large bouquet of flowers and made both of them laugh with his humour.

After he left, Yao Qing held her hand: “Hehe, are you and Dr Cheng really just friends?”

Shu He was arranging the flowers in a vase. She knew what they were thinking and sighed: “Just friends.”

Both looked a bit disappointed. Shu He didn’t want to be lectured, so she made an excuse and left.

It had been sunny all day, but in the evening the weather changed abruptly. Thunder rolled, dark clouds gathered, and it looked like heavy rain was coming.

By the time Shu He got into her car, torrential rain was hammering against the windows.

She casually opened the newly downloaded app, but her gaze slowly fixed on one spot, her heartbeat skipping.

On the security camera, a familiar figure sat on the living room sofa. Shu He couldn’t see his expression clearly, only that he was holding a tablet, drawing or writing, occasionally turning to look towards the entrance.

Sometimes he’d pick up his phone and check it.

He looked exactly like those pets in short videos, lonely at home waiting for their owners to return.

Something in Shu He’s heart seemed to spread like soft rain—wet and tender, yet with an indescribable ache that made her feel stuffy.

The tightly closed shell, when no one was home, had quietly opened a tiny gap.

Didn’t she tell him not to wait?

Shu He looked at the pouring rain outside and suddenly felt an uncontrollable impulse.

She clicked the communication button and, after a long silence, tentatively called his name: “Jing Yi.”

The person on the monitor seemed to pause, then his gaze shot directly towards the camera as he lurched over on his crutch.

Seeing his position, Shu He guessed the camera must be in that small ornament on the TV.

“Sister?”

Unlike his awkwardness when she left, he practically pressed himself against the camera.

Knowing he couldn’t see her, Shu He’s lips curved: “You’re silly.”

Hearing her voice, he was visibly nervous: “Why suddenly… did something happen?”

The rain outside was loud. Shu He rested her head on one hand: “No, just checking if someone alone at home might get up to no good.”

“I wouldn’t,” he defended himself pitifully, then anxiously asked: “When are you coming back?”

Shu He glanced outside: “Traffic’s bad. I’ll be quite late.”

He gave a dry “Oh”, then: “You must be bored in the car. I’ll keep you company.”

Shu He could see through him: “I thought someone was unhappy?”

“……”

He seemed to have picked up the ornament. With his movement, the view became chaotic, making her dizzy, but always focused on his face.

“But I miss you.”

His muffled words left Shu He momentarily speechless.

After a long while, she let out a light snort: “You really have no pride.”

He didn’t argue, just stared at her—or rather, at the camera. His black eyes looked intense on the monitor, like a cat’s eyes in the night, focused on its prey.

Although she knew he couldn’t actually see her, Shu He felt oddly self-conscious. She looked away: “Alright, hanging up.”

Without waiting for his response, she ended the communication mode.

But he didn’t know she was still watching him on her phone.

He stubbornly kept the camera aimed at himself. When no more sound came, he wilted visibly, dejectedly putting down the ornament.

Thinking of him sitting there, holding the ornament, Shu He wanted to laugh.

So silly.

She casually scrolled the monitor time back to last night—

After she left, he leaned back on the sofa, pressing his hand hard against his eyelids.

On screen, in the cold white light, tears slid down his pale face, along his tense jaw. The teardrops fell like broken strings of pearls as his chest heaved. He looked completely devastated.

She turned the volume to maximum. Through her earphones, his sobbing conveyed suppressed grievance and pain.

Outside the car window, thunder crashed, like the pitter-patter of rain penetrating with his tears and cries, completely drowning her hardened heart.

He really was crying again…