ATLAS TRANSLATES

Shu He was stunned for a moment.

To be honest, she didn’t have an urgent desire for marriage herself.

Perhaps because of Yao Qing and Shu Hua’s hasty and irresponsible formation of a family, or perhaps because of the suffocating controlling nature of the Ren Yinyue couple, she had become increasingly cautious about marriage.

All the families she had encountered weren’t very happy ones.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be with Jing Yi, but the word “marriage” felt like an invisible shackle following her, as if all the beauty would disappear once she got married.

So previously, whenever Jing Yi brought up wanting to marry her, she admitted she had softened somewhat, but still hesitated.

This had nothing to do with him. She was like a startled cat who instinctively rejected the word “marriage,” unwilling to let anyone stroke her soft belly.

Jing Yi seemed to sense her refusal and obediently went along with her change of subject, not saying anything more.

However, after returning to their room, Shu He keenly noticed that he was extremely quiet, as if somewhat downcast.

“Are you unhappy because I didn’t directly answer you?” She cradled his face, examining him carefully, afraid he might secretly have reddened eyes again.

“No.” The curve of his lips seemed forced. “Just that the scenery here is nice, and we’re leaving tomorrow, so I’m a bit reluctant to go.”

Shu He’s fingers forcibly flattened his upturned lips, her voice very gentle: “Little liar, you’re clearly unhappy.”

“…..”

Jing Yi’s forced emotions easily cracked open. His lowered eyelashes trembled slightly, his hands tightened around her slender waist, and he leaned forward to rest his chin in the crook of her neck, admitting in a muffled voice: “It’s not because you’re unhappy.”

“I just feel that perhaps I’m still not good enough, which is why you’re so hesitant.”

Shu He could tell he wasn’t playing for sympathy; he seemed genuinely dejected, perhaps truly feeling this way.

Her heart instantly softened and sank, yet she also felt confused.

Both she and Jing Yi were born into not-so-happy families. No one had taught them how to love someone or how to maintain a relationship in the future.

She was accustomed to facing everything with coldness, doubting all beautiful things. For a long time, she didn’t believe in love and was unwilling to give love.

Jing Yi was different from her. Though naive, he had never really experienced love either. While longing to be loved, he was also willing to learn how to be good to her with all his might, teaching her how to love someone.

She remembered when they first started dating, she was actually very guarded.

She even regretted being so impulsive the night she agreed to be with him…

Because she didn’t know how to date someone, nor did she know what position she should take in this relationship.

But Jing Yi never got angry at her coldness and defenses. He tried his best to be good to her, always smiling when he came to see her, and patiently coaxing her when she had a cold face.

Shu He didn’t know why she was being unnatural or anxious. She only knew that if anyone else treated her the way she treated him, she would think they were crazy.

Yet Jing Yi was this fool who unconditionally coaxed her and was good to her.

She also couldn’t understand what was so good about her that made him like her so much like an idiot.

Later, this fool thoroughly entered her heart, completely breaking down all her defenses and occupying an unshakable position.

Two people who should have repelled each other ended up embracing tightly.

Without Jing Yi, she might have been lonely her whole life, like the winter she hated most.

He was already good enough, so good that she couldn’t bear to let go. Even after being apart for two years, she still chose to be with him again.

Because Shu He knew that subconsciously, apart from Jing Yi, she wouldn’t be with anyone else.

And now, discussing marriage, one felt he wasn’t good enough, while the other shrank back.

“I’ve never told you about my family, have I?”

“Unlike you, who was controlled since childhood and couldn’t escape, I… was abandoned many times since I was little.”

In the silent room, she suddenly spoke. Jing Yi silently held her tightly. “Don’t say anymore.”

Shu He inhaled the reassuring scent on him, the same as her own. She closed her eyes, as if sinking into memories of the past.

….

After slowly telling everything, she leaned against him, her hands around his neck moving up to cradle his face. “Jing Yi, you’re already good enough.”

That’s why she struggled; she was trying to change that insecure part of herself.

“Give me a little more time, okay? Maybe I’ll understand soon.”

After hearing her, Jing Yi felt nothing but endless heartache.

He had once left her alone in Li Tang, and many times, his departure was no different from abandoning her where she stood.

Her previous accusation now pricked his dejection like a needle. She had said before that he had also left her behind.

And now, he was only concerned with his own insecurity, without realizing that the blade of their breakup had also hurt her.

He shook his head and embraced her again: “If you don’t want to marry, then we won’t.”

“But jiejie, believe me, I will never leave you, unless you—”

As if anticipating what he was about to say, Shu He interrupted him with a kiss.

He immediately fell silent, his gaze lingering on her lips for two seconds before quietly leaning in to kiss her.

The wet, warm tongue made her feel weak. Sensing his insecure attempts to please her, she gently pushed him away. As they separated, his shiny lips were still unconsciously parted.

“Why are we acting like we’re about to separate again, being so melancholic?”

“……”

“Jiejie.” His eyes clearly showed more grievance. “When you mentioned separation, my heart skipped a beat. Don’t scare me.”

“……” Shu He laughed uncontrollably and took the initiative to kiss her frightened boyfriend. “Alright, alright, I won’t say it anymore.”

“I’ll never say it again.”

…..

Shu He thought they had cleared things up. After returning to Qing Yu, he was still the same clingy self as before, showing no abnormalities.

Until one day, he returned from the shop looking dejected with no appetite.

Shu He suspected he was sick, pushing him to rest well in the bedroom and not allowing him to go out.

Both seemed to think it was just a simple cold. Before going out the next day, Shu He checked on him.

The man’s face was pale, looking spiritless, but he still obediently listened to her instructions. However, throughout the afternoon, none of the messages Shu He sent received a reply.

She began to worry, called but no one answered, and the surveillance camera showed nothing but darkness, not knowing if he was sleeping.

A bad feeling suddenly arose in her heart. After entrusting everything in the shop to Tong Yuan, she hurriedly went back.

When she got home, everything seemed unchanged from when she left. She carefully pushed open the bedroom door to see pitch darkness.

The curtains were tightly drawn, and the man was sleeping deeply. She lightly touched his forehead, which was so hot it made her brow jump.

Perhaps because she had never seen him catch a cold before and had witnessed how good his physical condition was, Shu He always thought he wouldn’t get this sick.

She felt regretful now as she gently woke him up.

Jing Yi was clearly delirious from the illness, dreaming of something, his black eyes covered with a dull confusion. Seeing her now, he appeared hesitant.

Shu He coaxed him: “You have a fever, let’s go to the hospital.”

Jing Yi’s head was spinning badly, his body feeling like it was being burned by fire, but he still supported himself to sit up.

His dejected appearance made Shu He’s heart ache. As she helped him put on his coat, the man’s arms and neck were all burning hot.

By the time they got in the car, he had even forgotten to fasten his seatbelt.

When Shu He leaned over to help him, he didn’t playfully act coquettish as before, but sluggishly pulled down his mask, saying in a muffled voice: “Don’t get too close to me, what if it’s the flu.”

Shu He felt she had already been infected, her heart dull, its beating frequency increasingly anxious.

At the hospital, she held his hand almost the entire time. He was sickly and barely made a sound.

When doing the skin test, the nurse rolled up his sleeve and noticeably paused upon seeing the tattoo on his wrist and several scars.

He seemed mentally confused, showing no reaction even when those suddenly exposed wounds were visible.

Shu He, however, suddenly felt a lump in her throat.

After helping him hang the IV drip, Shu He went to get hot water.

When she returned, she saw him occasionally closing his eyelids, looking like he was struggling to stay awake waiting for her return.

He drank the hot water to moisten his throat, but his voice was still terribly hoarse: “Why did you suddenly come back this afternoon?”

Shu He made an affirmative sound. Sitting opposite them was a child who was making noise until his parents sternly quieted him down.

Her mind was completely on Jing Yi; she glanced once and then looked away. “You didn’t reply to my messages, I was worried something happened to you.”

He slowly blinked his heavy eyelids. “….I thought I only slept for two hours.”

Shu He stroked his face sympathetically, then let him lean on her shoulder: “Don’t force yourself when you have a fever, sleep a little more.”

Jing Yi obediently closed his eyes, but he didn’t sleep well.

The child opposite and his parents kept arguing. The parents seemed to be scolding him, saying if he hadn’t greedily eaten too many popsicles, he wouldn’t have caught a cold.

The child chirped back in protest. What was said afterward, he couldn’t remember clearly, only feeling that there seemed to be a soft hand occasionally stroking his face.

—

It was only eight o’clock when they returned home. Shu He made noodles, and although Jing Yi had no appetite, he forced himself to finish them.

After supervising him take his medicine, Shu He urged him to go rest.

But she was still worried, so she followed behind him. “How about I sleep with you tonight?”

After all, they had already slept together in Bali.

But Jing Yi refused.

His face was sickly pale. He gently tugged at his lips, his voice still low and hoarse: “Let’s wait until I’m better, I don’t want to infect you.”

He rarely refrained from being clingy and playing the victim, but Shu He felt especially heartbroken.

In the middle of the night, she still quietly entered his room.

His body wasn’t as hot anymore, which made Shu He slightly relieved. She helped tuck him in, but as she was leaving, she paused because of his mumbling.

She couldn’t hear clearly, so she returned to the bedside and moved closer to him, while soothingly stroking his head.

Jing Yi’s eyelashes trembled, and he tiredly and laboriously opened his heavy eyelids. In the dim vision, he couldn’t clearly see the person in front of him, and because of the cold, he couldn’t smell any scent.

His dry lips moved: “….Who are you?”

Not knowing if he was sleep-talking, her voice was very soft as she stroked his face, as if coaxing him, “I’m Shu He.”

The words “Shu He” seemed to grasp a thread of his emotion. His voice suddenly became broken and discontinuous. She couldn’t hear clearly, so she moved closer: “Is there somewhere that doesn’t feel well?”

The confused person suddenly grabbed her hand. In Jing Yi’s foggy mind echoed the parents’ scolding of the child at the hospital, saying if he hadn’t been so greedy…

On this journey, he indeed seemed quite greedy.

From wanting to know her, to wanting to date her.

After dating, desire endlessly consumed him; he didn’t just want to be her boyfriend, he wanted to marry her.

But the promise he gave became a laughable memory.

After reconciling, he was still greedy. Being together again wasn’t enough; he became even more greedy, still wanting to marry her.

But the moment he asked, her hesitation and silence made his heart sink heavily.

Until she spoke of her past, regret, self-reproach, and various complex emotions surged. She said that in her life plan, there was originally no partner, no love.

The taut string that had been wound tight seemed to burn through. The sweetness of these past few days suddenly turned into an overwhelming wave that engulfed him. He spoke in his delirium, unknowingly, tears wetting the corner of his eyes, soaking into the pillow, and sliding along her fingertips.

Shu He finally noticed the distress in his voice. “I’m here, Jing Yi, I’m here.”

“I don’t want to get married anymore.”

In the dim bedroom, he whimpered, his whole body seeming to shake, like an insecure and wounded little beast, begging her over and over: “Shu He, with or without a ring… it doesn’t matter…”

“Not getting married… it’s also fine.”

“But, please… can you… not abandon me?”