It was a pleasant afternoon during the first month of summer. The doctor told Feng Ning, “Your mother’s condition isn’t good. The family should make preparations in the next few days.”
Feng Ning stood silently, unable to bear this news.
After the doctor left, tears fell without warning, dropping in large drops. For a long while, she leaned against the wall and slowly crouched down. Not daring to cry out loud, she could only hold back her sobs in her throat. When she couldn’t contain it anymore, she bit hard on the back of her hand.
Finally, when she could barely breathe, Feng Ning opened her mouth, struggling to take deep breaths.
In the bustling hospital where different tragedies occurred daily, no one stopped for a crying young girl. After what seemed like forever, Feng Ning messily wiped away her tears. Supporting herself on her knees, she stood up and went to the nearby bathroom, turned on the tap, lowered her head, and let the water wash away the traces of tears on her face.
At the hospital room door, her hand on the handle, Feng Ning paused. Taking a deep breath and slowly exhaling, she entered the room as if nothing had happened.
Qi Lan lay on the hospital bed, barely showing any signs of life. She couldn’t speak, only looking at Feng Ning with clouded eyes full of lingering emotion.
“Mom, you can still hear me, right?” Feng Ning bent down, took Qi Lan’s hand, and placed it over her heart.
Qi Lan blinked at her very gently.
“Mom, I’ll be good and listen from now on. Don’t worry about me. You know your daughter is the strongest and bravest. I’ll be fine, even on my own. Are you still in pain?”
Feng Ning wanted to smile, but her tears wouldn’t cooperate.
Qi Lan shook her head slightly, struggling to raise her hand to wipe the tears from her daughter’s eyes.
“That’s good if you’re not in pain.” Feng Ning sniffled, holding back her sobs, and managed to smile. “If you’re not in pain, I’m relieved. You’ll always be by my side, right? If you’re tired, just take a good rest, and when you wake up, you can make my favorite dishes again, okay?”
Listening to her mumbling, Qi Lan stroked Feng Ning’s hair again.
She gave a faint smile, and after a few seconds, closed her eyes.
Qi Lan passed away in early summer.
After crying alone, when Feng Ning appeared before others, she had already regained her composure. She showed no major emotional fluctuations, just didn’t talk much. After the hospital issued the death certificate, she called the funeral home.
Qi Lan and she had relied on each other, with no other relatives. Very few people came to the funeral, just a few neighbors from Yu Jiang Lane. After keeping vigil for two days and the cremation and burial, Feng Ning returned home holding Qi Lan’s black and white photograph.
She cleaned the entire house from top to bottom until she was exhausted, then went to take a shower. She pushed open her mother’s former bedroom door and climbed onto the bed.
Just like when she was little, when Qi Lan went out for night shifts, Feng Ning would put her mom’s clothes on the pillow, smell the scent, and hug it to sleep. It was as if mom was always by her side.
Just sleep, she thought, and when she wakes up, maybe it would all turn out to be just a nightmare.
She used to come home after running wild outside, and the courtyard would still be noisy, filled with the sound of mahjong tiles clicking, the yellow dog darting around the tree. Qi Lan would impatiently call out to her while playing mahjong, telling her to go help the cooking aunty in the kitchen.
Feng Ning closed her eyes, these scenes becoming fragments of memory, flashing through her mind like a slideshow.
In her heart, she told herself over and over that mom was gone, but it was okay. If she tried hard enough and lived well, everything would be fine.
Feng Ning thought she had accepted it, but when she woke up the next day, there was no one beside her.
No matter how many times she called for mom, there would be no response.
Feng Ning finally realized that in this life, this long life, every minute, every second, she would never see her mother again.
Mom was gone.
Feng Ning began to fear staying home alone at night.
As darkness fell, she sat by the overpass, watching the traffic flow below. There were several empty beer bottles scattered beside her.
Her phone vibrated – it was Jiang Wen calling. She glanced at it and quickly answered, “Hello? Jiang Wen.”
“Mm.”
“What are you doing up so late?”
“Why haven’t you been answering my calls these past few days?”
Jiang Wen didn’t want to sound like a complaining wife, but when he spoke, he couldn’t help but let a hint of grievance show through. “When I message you, it takes forever to get a reply.”
“I’ve just been a bit busy,” Feng Ning looked at the stars in the sky, trying to reassure him. “You should focus on studying at school, why do you keep thinking about me?”
Jiang Wen: “I’m coming to see you this Saturday.”
Feng Ning chuckled, “Never mind, don’t come.”
He instantly became unhappy: “Why not?”
Her tone remained light: “Young master, look at the calendar, it’s already April. How many days are left? Just two months until the college entrance exam. Stay at school and study well, don’t think about me. Otherwise, you might not get into university and end up blaming me.”
Jiang Wen seemed to laugh on the other end of the phone, “What’s wrong with blaming you?”
“If you blame me, I just won’t accept responsibility.” Feng Ning stopped herself, “Alright, that’s enough talk, go to bed now.”
He finally noticed something was wrong and suddenly asked, “Why is your voice so hoarse?”
Feng Ning tilted her head back and took another sip of beer, “It’s nothing, just choked on my drink earlier.”
“Are you outside?”
“I’m at home.” Feng Ning cut him off, feigning impatience, “Jiang Wen, why are you being so long-winded today? Stop nagging.”
Just then, a truck passing under the overpass let out a long honk. Jiang Wen went quiet for a moment, “You’re lying to me.”
Her smile faded, “Mm, I am lying to you.”
“What happened?”
Feng Ning didn’t respond, and neither did he. After a while, Jiang Wen spoke, “Where are you? I’m coming to find you now.”
From a distance, he saw someone sitting on a stone bench, head hanging low, figure as thin as a line.
Jiang Wen walked over and grabbed Feng Ning’s arm, snatching away her beer can.
She turned her head, staring at him with a smile, “How did you get out? No curfew?”
“Climbed the wall.”
“Impressive, so you know how to climb walls now.”
Jiang Wen pulled her up, “You taught me.”
Feng Ning’s steps were unsteady, swaying as she barely managed to stand, “Tsk, I should really reflect on why I didn’t teach you anything good back then.”
Jiang Wen gazed at her intensely, “Are you… okay?”
She had cried so much lately that her voice was completely hoarse, making it difficult to speak even a few words, “Ah, I’m fine, just feeling a bit down. I’ll probably be better tomorrow.”
After spacing out for a moment, Feng Ning muttered to herself, clenching her fist and beating her chest, as if puzzled, “Must be from drinking too much, why does it hurt so much here? It comes in waves, so painful.”
The tears fell without her noticing, and when she realized, Feng Ning immediately turned away, using the back of her hand to cover her eyes.
Jiang Wen pressed his lips together slightly, pulled her into his arms, and held her tight.
“My heart hurts so much.” Feng Ning pressed her forehead into Jiang Wen’s neck, clutching the clothes at his waist.
A cool dampness spread across his shoulder.
Her tears soaked through his clothes.
Jiang Wen had never seen Feng Ning in such a vulnerable state, almost disheveled. He felt helpless, his heart aching as if blocked, and his arms tightened around her even more, “What exactly happened? Is it…”
He couldn’t finish his question.
Feng Ning’s voice was low and trembling, “Jiang Wen, my mom is gone.”
Jiang Wen’s breath caught, and for a moment he didn’t know how to react.
It was as if a switch had been flipped, and once she started crying, she couldn’t stop.
Helpless loneliness surrounded her completely. She thought she had prepared herself mentally, but why, why did it still hurt so much?
In the empty deep night, they embraced face to face, and she cried silently in his arms.
Feng Ning said: “I’ll never see mom again.”
“It’s okay, you have me, I’ll stay with you.” Jiang Wen felt an inexplicable tightness in his nose as he placed his hand on the back of her head, resting his chin on her shoulder, trying to comfort her, “Wherever you go, I’ll be with you.”
He was still just a child himself, not knowing how to comfort others, and could only clumsily reach for her face to wipe away her continuously flowing tears.
His hands became completely wet from wiping.
That night, Jiang Wen accompanied Feng Ning walking through the streets of South City, sitting down wherever they got tired, walking from midnight until dawn.
She walked him back to the school gate.
“Should we get breakfast?” Jiang Wen looked down at her, asking, “After eating, I’ll take you home so you can get some sleep.”
“I’ve already walked you here, why do you want to keep going back and forth? Isn’t that boring?”
“Then let me ask the teacher for a couple days off to stay with you.”
“No need.” Feng Ning yawned, waving her hand, “Ah, enough, stop being so fussy, it’s annoying.”
Suddenly rejected, Jiang Wen: “……”
There were many breakfast shops in the area, and many Qide students would come here to eat before first period. With people coming and going nearby, they randomly picked a shop.
The shop was a bit crowded, and Jiang Wen held her hand as they looked for a place to sit.
There was a long queue by the window, with students from both lower and upper grades, and many people knew Jiang Wen.
In the long line, more than half the people cast examining glances in their direction, with several girls huddled together, whispering among themselves.
“Look over there, is that boy Jiang Wen from the third year?”
“Yes, it’s him. Who’s that next to him? His girlfriend? They look so intimate, oh my god…”
“Jiang Wen?? The Jiang Wen who’s one of Qide’s three most handsome guys?! He has a girlfriend?”
“Why don’t you speak a little louder? Want everyone in the store to hear?”
Feng Ning was completely unaware of people watching her. She hadn’t slept well in a long time, feeling completely drained. Once she relaxed, she became overwhelmingly drowsy.
Her hair was messy, covering half her face. Tired, she rested her chin on the table, her eyes sore and dry, so she simply closed them.
Feng Ning was still wearing Jiang Wen’s jacket, with sleeves that were a bit too long, her hands tucked inside.
They sat to one side, and Jiang Wen took one of her hands, carefully rolling up her sleeve. After finishing, he moved to the other side.
Feng Ning let him fuss over her, teasing, “I have to say, you’re quite like a male nanny.”
Jiang Wen tugged at her ear.
Feng Ning couldn’t help but let out a painful groan, pushing his hand away.
Jiang Wen persisted and caught her hand again.
“What do you want to eat?”
“Whatever.”
“Then wait here for a bit.”
Her head was fuzzy, and she lay on the table like a boneless creature. Her eyes remained lazily closed, unwilling to open, just making a couple of “mm” sounds.
Soon, a bowl of porridge and a bowl of noodles were placed on the table.
Feng Ning’s lips suddenly felt warm as something gently pressed against them, and he commanded, “Open your mouth.”
Feng Ning lifted her eyelids, glancing sideways at Jiang Wen. She laughed inwardly at him, having to feed her just to eat, treating her like a baby.
But she still opened her mouth, allowing him his fussy behavior.
In public, Jiang Wen completely disregarded others’ gazes. He held her hand, only freeing his other hand, and with great patience, fed her the porridge spoonful by spoonful.
“—Jiang Wen!”
A sudden shout. Everyone’s attention instantly shifted to Zhao Binlin at the door. Behind him were Xi Gaoyuan, Pei Shurong, and a group from the sports class.
“Holy shit, it really is you.” Zhao Binlin pointed at Jiang Wen in horror, then at Feng Ning, and finally at their joined hands.
After a few seconds, he rushed forward, stumbled on the small step, steadied himself on the table, and excitedly blurted out: “You didn’t come back to the dorm last night, you two, you two… what’s going on here?!!”
The store obviously grew even quieter.
“Are you blind? Can’t you see for yourself?”
People around silently perked up their ears, waiting to hear the gossip.
Jiang Wen’s brows furrowed slightly, and he said impatiently, “What else could we be besides boyfriend and girlfriend?”
Leave a Reply