After speaking those words, Jiang Wen finally collapsed drunk on the table.
Feng Ning was momentarily stunned.
Upstairs, Min Yueyue held the microphone, singing aimlessly.
In the dimly lit room, Jiang Wen seemed uncomfortable, his brows furrowed as he muttered in his sleep.
His face was close by. Dark eyelashes, an elegant nose bridge, and thin yet soft lips.
Everything was just right.
Feng Ning looked at the small brown mole near Jiang Wen’s eyebrow. She raised her hand, suspended it in the air, slowly moving closer. Just as her fingertip was about to touch it, she stopped at an extremely short distance.
She withdrew her hand.
—
Min Yueyue only knew a few Cantonese phrases and hummed along. She turned on the original song and turned to talk with Bai Hongyi, “My favorite singer used to be Faye Wong. Others said she was ugly, but I thought she was beautiful. Especially in Chungking Express, she had such an ethereal quality.”
Bai Hongyi: “Faye Wong’s songs aren’t very happy. They’ve broken the hearts of countless lovers.”
Jiang Wen kept his eyes tightly shut, but there was still a trace of undisguisable pain leaking from the corners of his eyes and brows.
Feng Ning’s breathing was suppressed as she took a towel and slowly wiped the alcohol from Jiang Wen’s lips and chin.
An adult man’s body was very heavy. Her steps were slow, one by one, as she helped him back to the sofa.
When Feng Ning stood up, she found something on the ground. Judging by its appearance, it was a brown leather wallet. She bent down to pick it up for him. A few US dollars fell out.
Feng Ning opened the wallet, preparing to put the money back.
The wallet had three compartments. Feng Ning casually opened one of them, and what was inside made her hesitate for a moment.
It looked very familiar.
In an instant, uncontrollable emotions flooded over her. She was frozen in place, dazed for several seconds.
Feng Ning took out what was inside.
—Two sticky notes and a lottery ticket, all laminated.
She immediately recognized that one was in her handwriting, though Feng Ning’s memory was fuzzy, and she couldn’t remember when she had written these words to Jiang Wen.
[Wishing Classmate Jiang Wen a Happy New Year, and happiness every year!]
The other… was the sticky note with the peacock and wine bottle. Feng Ning lowered her gaze slightly to look at the sleeping man.
There was also a line written on the back of this sticky note.
jwaifn161–
It was written by Jiang Wen.
She immediately thought of the abrupt string of characters in Jiang Wen’s WeChat name.
When she realized what it meant, the subtle sourness in her heart instantly reached the point of pain.
—
The spotlights in the private room were colorful, and Min Yueyue and Bai Hongyi embraced each other.
They began to kiss.
Feng Ning found a thin blanket and covered Jiang Wen with it.
His left hand naturally hung from the sofa.
She sat down at another small corner, where bright moonlight fell in, faintly and gently, cutting out a silhouette.
Feng Ning gazed at Jiang Wen’s shadow, filled with an impenetrable silence.
After who knows how long, she got up, turned off the lights, and quietly left.
—
The lonely, mournful song had reached its end.
Time seemed frozen at a point, and the world had fallen asleep.
In the complete silence of the room, Jiang Wen opened his eyes.
When Min Yueyue woke up at noon the next day, she found herself alone.
She drowsily picked up her phone from beside her pillow and sent a message to Feng Ning:
my: [Ning Ning, where are you?]
She didn’t reply.
After washing up and going downstairs, she found only Bai Hongyi. Min Yueyue asked, “Hey, where’s handsome Jiang?”
Bai Hongyi was toasting bread: “He left very early. Where’s your friend?”
“She left too.”
Something occurred to Bai Hongyi, and he casually said: “Don’t you think there’s something strange between Ryan and your friend?”
“Hmm?” Min Yueyue said, “You didn’t know? They dated in high school.”
Bai Hongyi was instantly dumbfounded, “Feng Ning?”
“Yes.”
“She’s Ryan’s ex-girlfriend from China?!”
Min Yueyue was a bit confused: “Why are you so excited?”
Bai Hongyi’s expression became very strange, “I’ve been curious about Ryan’s legendary ex-girlfriend for a long time.”
Min Yueyue took a bite of toast: “Curious about what?”
“What kind of woman…” Bai Hongyi shook his head slightly, dragging out his words, “could hurt Ryan so deeply.”
“Hurt deeply? I wouldn’t know about that.”
Min Yueyue pondered for a moment, “Besides, Ning Ning doesn’t seem like… Maybe you’re thinking of someone else?”
Bai Hongyi: “So is Feng Ning still single? When did you two meet? Has she ever mentioned Ryan?”
“Yes, she’s single. We met in graduate school, and she rarely talks about her past.”
Min Yueyue leaned against the counter edge and grabbed another piece of toast, “Ning Ning has always been single, so I thought handsome Jiang would be a good match for her. That’s why I deliberately brought them out together, hoping they might spark something.”
Just then, a WeChat message popped up.
Ning: [I went back first, enjoy your romance. Stop meddling in things between me and Jiang Wen.]
A month passed, and Feng Ning and Jiang Wen had practically lost contact. That night, when Jiang Wen was drunk and unconsciously spoke those words, it was the first time she directly faced his pain.
And this was probably just the tip of the iceberg. But even just this tip, she didn’t have the ability to melt it.
If that past relationship was torture for both of them, then separating, growing distant, and returning their lives to peace — pretending nothing had happened — this was what Feng Ning hoped to achieve.
For several weeks straight, Shanghai was swept with cold, damp rain.
On Christmas Eve, just before closing time, Feng Ning suddenly received a call from Guan Tongfu.
“Sister Ning, could you help me with something small?”
Feng Ning was looking at last season’s financial reports, “What is it?”
“Xiao Zhu and I need to have dinner with Maruko’s clients now. Could you help deliver some documents to their company after work? I missed one while organizing this afternoon.”
Feng Ning checked the time, “Mm, who should I give it to?”
Guan Tongfu: “A Manager Li, I’ll give you his contact information.”
Feng Ning made an affirmative sound, “Send their company address to my phone.”
Shuang Yao was coming to Shanghai for Christmas this year, with an evening flight arriving at 8 PM. Feng Ning was driving and thinking about this when she received her message.
Shuang Yao ah Yao: [I’m delayed another half hour, but we’re about to take off. Flight 3u8889, I better see you at Hongqiao T2 when I land, got it?!!!!]
Ning: [Got it, turn off your phone and have a safe trip.]
Shuang Yao ah Yao: [I just got on the plane after checking in, we can chat a bit more.]
Ning: [No time to chat, busy.]
Maruko’s company was in an office building in a bustling district within the inner ring road. Feng Ning explained her purpose at the front desk.
The receptionist asked her to wait on the side.
Feng Ning walked to the side and called Manager Li.
It took a while before he answered, “Hello, who is this?”
Feng Ning explained: “Hello Manager Li, I’m from Lianggang Translation, here to deliver some documents.”
“Oh oh, I’m sorry, I’m in a meeting right now.”
There was some rustling as he seemed to move to another location. Manager Li said: “I can’t get away right now, why don’t you just leave it at the front desk?”
Feng Ning: “These documents are quite important. If you’re busy, could you let the front desk know and I’ll bring them up to you?”
“Ah yes yes, thank you for your trouble.”
The elevator slowly rose, reaching the floor, and the doors slid open.
Feng Ning passed through their office area, where Maruko’s gold-embossed sign hung on the wall. As she walked by, she took a few extra glances and noticed their logo was something like a cherry.
Feng Ning suddenly felt a strange sense of fondness.
A sweet-looking young girl brought Feng Ning a glass of water and led her inside, explaining: “Our company has a regular meeting today, but it’s almost over. Manager Li asked me to bring you in first.”
Feng Ning thanked her, saying, “No problem.”
Just as they rounded a corridor, a group of people suddenly appeared ahead.
Walking at the front was a man constrained by a smoothly tailored dark suit, both handsome and mature.
Feng Ning froze slightly.
As they approached each other, Jiang Wen’s steps suddenly slowed, his gaze shifting to lock eyes with Feng Ning.
She stepped slightly to the side to make way.
A door opened in front, and Manager Li poked his head out and called to her, “Are you Miss Feng from Lianggang Translation?”
Feng Ning quickly walked over, “Yes.”
While handling the handover with Manager Li, the thousands of threads in her mind all connected. Feng Ning distractedly thought, so the multinational company Guan Tongfu mentioned was actually Jiang Wen’s?
Her mood instantly became complicated.
—
Just then, a phone call came through, and Feng Ning’s heart relaxed as she answered it. She kept talking to the person on the other end, eyes lowered watching her path, not looking to either side as she walked out.
Waiting at the elevator, the floor numbers jumped from 17 to 24. After finishing the conversation, Feng Ning lowered her eyes, responded twice, and hung up the phone.
The elevator doors opened, she walked in, and someone else entered beside her.
Feng Ning turned her head.
Jiang Wen also turned his head.
This was the first time Feng Ning had seen Jiang Wen in such formal attire – a white shirt with a dark blue Windsor knot at the collar. She looked him up and down for a few seconds before withdrawing her gaze.
There was a moment of weightlessness as the elevator began its descent.
In the slightly small space with just the two of them, Jiang Wen asked quietly: “Why did you run when you saw me earlier?”
Feng Ning was very calm, asking in return: “Why would I run when I saw you?”
“How would I know?”
The elevator descended three floors, stopped, doors opened, and another group of people entered, dispersing the two of them.
So they stopped talking.
When the elevator reached the first floor, everyone filed out. Feng Ning, a few steps behind, turned back to politely bid farewell to Jiang Wen, “I’ll go first.”
Jiang Wen had his hands in his pockets, eyes slightly raised, saying coldly, “Let me treat you to a meal?”
Feng Ning heard his courtesy and declined, “No need.”
Jiang Wen said nothing.
After a pause, Feng Ning explained to him, “Shuang Yao is here, I need to pick her up at the airport later.”
Jiang Wen suddenly asked: “That day, I…”
Feng Ning instinctively interrupted him: “Nothing happened.”
Jiang Wen glanced at her, saying nothing.
“I’m going,” Feng Ning bid him goodbye.
Shuang Yao’s flight was delayed by half an hour. Since Feng Ning lived in Yangpu District and driving would take too long, she decided to take the subway instead.
After picking up Shuang Yao and getting her luggage settled at home before going out to eat, it was already close to midnight.
So they went to eat at Haidilao Hot Pot.
Along the way, Shuang Yao had been interrogating her about Jiang Wen’s situation, but Feng Ning hadn’t responded.
After sitting down at Haidilao and ordering, Shuang Yao was still chattering non-stop. Feng Ning said, “Did you come to see me or to see Jiang Wen?”
Shuang Yao clicked her tongue, “I’m just concerned about you, aren’t I? You know how anxious I’ve been watching you stay single all these years? Really, I’ve already decided, if you don’t get married in the future, I’ll have two kids and give you one.”
Feng Ning was folding napkins and found it amusing when she heard this, “Is it that dramatic?”
“So have you and Jiang Wen talked? Has he gotten over you, or is there a chance for something else to develop between you two?” Shuang Yao asked circuitously.
“If something was going to develop, it would have happened in these ten years. Why wait until now?”
Shuang Yao: “You can’t say that. There are plenty of people in their seventies and eighties still pursuing their first loves, how far are you two from that?”
She got up from her seat and walked to Feng Ning’s side, sitting next to her, “Open your phone, let me check something.”
“Check what?”
Shuang Yao picked up her phone: “Don’t argue, just unlock it quickly.”
Feng Ning wouldn’t cooperate.
Shuang Yao forcibly turned her face, aimed at her iris, and unlocked it with facial recognition.
She looked through it with clear purpose for a few minutes. Shuang Yao clicked her tongue in amazement, “Damn, Sister Ning is impressive, a real PUA master.”
Feng Ning didn’t understand: “What does PUA mean?”
“You don’t even know that? It’s been trending on Weibo recently, it’s short for Pick-up Artist, someone who’s skilled at dating. People who date PUA men or women usually end up being emotionally manipulated beyond recovery.”
Shuang Yao put the phone on the table, with the WeChat interface showing Feng Ning and Jiang Wen’s recent conversations:
October 9, 202x 6:19 AM
-61nfiawj: [I’m leaving]
-61nfiawj: [I drank too much last night, sorry for the trouble.]
-61nfiawj: [Let me know when you’re awake]
-Ning: [Mm, no problem.]
-61nfiawj: [I didn’t say anything last night, did I?]
..
..
October 18, 202x 9:09 PM
-61nfiawj: [Feng Ning]
-61nfiawj: [?]
..
..
Friday 11:51 PM
-61nfiawj: [Are you still using this WeChat?]
..
..
Yesterday 23:20
-61nfiawj: [? Have you blocked me?]
-Ning: [Been busy with work lately, forgot to reply.]
-61nfiawj: [……]
-61nfiawj: [Did I say something when I was drunk that day?]
…
…
17:18
-61nfiawj: [When is Shuang Yao leaving?]
19:02
-61nfiawj: [Nevermind, whatever.]
Shuang Yao was thoroughly impressed: “He sends over a dozen messages, and you only reply to a few? So dismissive! Could your heart be any colder?”
Feng Ning glanced at it, pressed the lock screen button, and the phone screen darkened again.
Shuang Yao was curious: “So what did Jiang Wen actually say to you when he was drunk? I can see he seems quite concerned about this.”
Feng Ning: “Nothing much.”
If Jiang Wen knew what he had said to her when he was drunk, with his proud personality, he might never want to see her again in this lifetime.
Shuang Yao pondered for a moment, muttering, “Wait, wait wait, something’s not right… something’s off.”
She suddenly had a revelation and urged: “Quick, Feng Ning, let me see your chat history with Jiang Wen again, I think I’ve figured something out.”
-61nfiawj
Shuang Yao contemplated Jiang Wen’s WeChat ID.
The long message Jiang Wen had just sent to Feng Ning suddenly made Shuang Yao sensitive to it. She said, “Ning Ning, if I’m not overthinking this, try reading his WeChat name backwards.”
“j, w, ai, f, n, 16-“
Shuang Yao almost jumped up, “Holy shit, isn’t this jiangwenaifengning — Jiang Wen loves Feng Ning?!”
Feng Ning remained silent.
Shuang Yao confirmed it to herself again, “Damn, it really is! It absolutely is!”
She acted like she’d discovered some earth-shattering secret, excitedly pulling at Feng Ning, “Look, look at this!”
Feng Ning remained unmoved: “I figured it out long ago.”
“Then what about the remaining ’16-‘? What does that mean?”
Before Feng Ning could answer, Shuang Yao slapped her thigh, “I got it, could it be from age 16 to…?”
She paused, her expression becoming somewhat blank: “To… nothing…”
Which would mean…
Jiang Wen loves Feng Ning, from sixteen years old, to forever…
After a long while, Shuang Yao finally came back to her senses, her eyes sparkling with hearts, angrily saying: “I swear to god, this is too romantic. Feng Ning, how did you deserve this? Did you save the galaxy in your past life? How else could you have such a handsome, rich, and devoted guy wrapped around your finger in this life?”
Feng Ning said: “Don’t imagine too much, we’re not what you think we are now.”
After the hot pot base arrived, her mood still hadn’t settled.
While cooking some bean curd skin, she looked up and asked, “Why not try again with Jiang Wen? He clearly hasn’t gotten over you.”
Unexpectedly quiet for a long time.
Feng Ning answered: “Have you heard the song ‘Dark Tide’ by Faye Wong? Written by Lin Xi.”
“Haven’t heard it.”
“Look it up online.”
Shuang Yao took out her phone to search, looked through a few interpretations, and began reading aloud, “Dark Tide describes a love that appears calm on the surface but has turbulent undercurrents. Love that cannot be obtained, yet nothing can be done about it. Not daring to get close, only fearing that tragedy will repeat itself.”
After reading, Shuang Yao said, “What a depressing song.”
Feng Ning looked at her, “Shuang Yao, I know the dark tide, and I dare not touch it.”
—I know the dark tide, and I dare not touch it.
Jiang Wen had loved Feng Ning since he was sixteen, but did he know that the Feng Ning now was no longer the sixteen-year-old Feng Ning?
She was long past that age.
Seeing that Feng Ning wasn’t joking around.
Shuang Yao choked up a bit and became serious, “Feng Ning, there’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time.”
Feng Ning: “What?”
“Don’t become someone who understands many principles but still can’t live a good life because they’re always looking ahead and behind.”
…
…
The meal was eaten in somewhat of a heavy mood.
Feng Ning had lost most of her appetite.
While Shuang Yao went to the bathroom, Feng Ning opened WeChat and clicked on her conversation with Jiang Wen.
Half an hour ago, he had sent two more messages.
-61nfiawj: [Don’t want to reply to my messages?]
-61nfiawj: [Fine, if you have the guts, just block me.]
Author’s Note:
- Internet quote: Don’t become someone who understands many principles but still can’t live a good life.
- The interpretation of “Dark Tide” lyrics was found on Baidu and selected from there.
- It’ll be explained later in this chapter. ↩︎
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