ATLAS TRANSLATES

About Feng Ning.

Every single thing about her, Jiang Wen knew by heart.

He had thought about everything countless times in his mind, every little detail about her.

After thinking, he would layer by layer cover it up, never letting a hint show through. In the end, what others could glimpse was just a tiny corner of the iceberg beneath the surface.

But on this night, Jiang Wen recklessly laid his most genuine self completely bare before Feng Ning.

Jiang Wen handed her a gun with his own hands.

“I love you, since I was sixteen, I’ve loved you.”

Now, this gun’s barrel was pointed at his heart.

Feng Ning couldn’t lift her hand, had no strength left to pull the trigger.

—

Shuang Yao received Feng Ning’s call, confusedly listened to what was said on the other end, she incredulously confirmed again, “What?! Where are you? Nan City?”

After hanging up, Shuang Yao left her New Year’s friends behind and drove over to find them in a hurry.

Seeing someone coming, Feng Ning moved slightly away from Jiang Wen.

He leaned against a tree trunk, crouching by the roadside throwing up.

Shuang Yao stared with wide eyes, shocked looking at them: “What happened to Jiang Wen?! How much did he drink?”

Feng Ning: “Let’s take him to the hospital first, I’ll tell you later.”

On the way to the hospital, Jiang Wen got out to throw up again. Just looking at him made Shuang Yao feel bad for him.

Late night emergency.

The doctor gave Jiang Wen an IV.

Running up and down between floors, they finally got him settled. Shuang Yao complained quietly to her: “You and Jiang Wen, whenever you two get together it’s always drama.”

Feng Ning thought back a bit, when she and Jiang Wen got together, they really were unlucky. From high school until now, it had always been like this, basically nothing good ever happened.

The hospital room was completely quiet. After exhausting himself, Jiang Wen had fallen into a deep sleep. There was still a thin layer of sweat on his forehead, like he was uncomfortable.

Feng Ning stood motionless by the bed, thinking of many things. As she thought, she remembered what he had whispered in her ear when drunk just now.

“I dare not give up. If I give up, we’ll have no future.”

“As long as one of us gives up, we’ll have no future.”

Her heart clenched.

Feng Ning stood in a daze. Slowly raising her hand, using her finger to brush Jiang Wen’s eyelashes. Following to the corner of his eye, her fingertip could still feel some wetness.

She gently wiped away his remaining tears.

Jiang Wen woke up once in the middle of the night.

His consciousness was still fuzzy, in the yellow light, he could vaguely see Feng Ning’s swaying figure. He squinted, felt relieved, and a few minutes later, blacked out again.

—

The next day he was awakened by the noisy sound of a radio.

Jiang Wen struggled to open his eyes.

He woke up to see an old lady helping an old man sit down on the bed, continuously complaining, “I told you, at your age you need to be more careful, you can’t fall again, your body can’t take it! We should put a non-slip mat in the bathroom, but you just won’t listen…”

Letting his foggy mind clear, Jiang Wen stared at the ceiling, realizing he was in the hospital. Sitting up slightly, he listlessly turned his head, looking around, but there was no trace of Feng Ning in the room.

His memory came back.

Fragments of last night flashed through his mind. Jiang Wen first felt shame, embarrassment, then after a few minutes, inexplicable anger started rising bit by bit.

Where did Feng Ning go?

Feeling around for his phone, his stomach cramped. Jiang Wen’s face was deathly pale as he prepared to make a call.

Opening his contacts, Feng Ning was the first contact.

Looking down, staring at her name, after a few seconds, he angrily threw the phone aside.

It was probably around seven or eight, there were three other patients in his room. Some patients’ family members had started arriving, and the room gradually became lively. Several people were talking loudly, the room filled with cheerful laughter.

Compared to elsewhere, Jiang Wen’s area was noticeably quiet.

He was handsome, sitting there quietly, particularly drawing people’s attention. After a while, an old lady brought over some tangerines, “Young man, why are you alone? It’s New Year’s Day, don’t you have anyone to take care of you?”

Jiang Wen glanced at the old lady, accepting the tangerines, “Thank you, I’m alone.”

His face was sickly pale, looking so sour that uninformed people might think his wife had run off with someone else yesterday.

After a while, another old lady came over, this time warmly bringing him some apples.

Jiang Wen politely said: “Thank you, auntie.”

This old lady also casually remarked: “Not even someone to peel apples for you.”

Jiang Wen: “……”

When Feng Ning arrived, it was chaotic. Jiang Wen was surrounded by a group of old ladies and aunties asking him various questions.

She didn’t know what was going on, walked over, just in time to hear someone trying to set him up with someone.

Through the crowd, Jiang Wen spotted her immediately.

Feng Ning loosened her scarf, “What’s going on here?”

Hearing her voice, several people turned around. The old lady saw her and exclaimed in surprise, “Oh my, where did this young lady come from, so beautiful!”

She just stood at the side watching, and after a few words, the old ladies scattered like birds and beasts.

After everyone left, Feng Ning put the thermos down nearby, then flipped over the small table and placed a plastic bag on top: “Bought you some porridge, drink some.”

Jiang Wen leaned against the pillow acting aloof, not saying a word.

She said it again, but he still didn’t respond.

Feng Ning pulled over a chair, sat down, looking at him strangely, “What are you upset about?”

Jiang Wen remained silent, turning his face away.

He was like a sulking child, unwilling to talk properly with adults, just waiting for someone to coax him.

Feng Ning watched him for a while, pushed the porridge forward again, “Can’t speak anymore?”

After a moment of silence, Jiang Wen said: “Where did you go?”

Feng Ning lowered her head, unscrewing the thermos lid, a fragrant aroma wafted out.

“I got drunk, and you just abandoned me at the hospital?” After saying this, Jiang Wen suddenly felt embarrassed and quickly added, “Even just as friends…”

Feng Ning interrupted him: “I went to make chicken soup for you.”

She pointed at the thermos saying, “Shuang Yao’s mom just bought an old hen, just for you, slaughtered it today. Simmered for several hours, until now, I haven’t slept.”

Jiang Wen glanced over, his mood improved a bit, his expression slightly clearing.

Feng Ning set the fragrant chicken soup aside to cool.

The two fell into wordless silence, entering a state where there was nothing to say.

She was completely calm, pretending like nothing had happened, while Jiang Wen remained awkward.

He suddenly said: “Help me peel an apple.”

“Peel an apple? Now?” Feng Ning looked around, “There’s not even a knife, we’d need to buy one, forget it.”

Jiang Wen was unusually insistent about eating the apple, “Then ask to borrow one from someone nearby.”

“Alright.”

Bringing over a trash can, Feng Ning started peeling the apple. Midway, she happened to look up and saw Jiang Wen frowning, lips pressed tight. He was curled up on his side.

Feng Ning put down what she was doing, quickly walked over, crouched by the hospital bed, looking at his face covered in cold sweat, worried: “Are you okay?”

Jiang Wen made a sound of agreement.

She put her hand on his forehead, it was sticky with sweat, “Is your stomach uncomfortable?”

Jiang Wen’s body noticeably stiffened.

Just then the doctor came for rounds, Feng Ning stood up somewhat anxiously, “Doctor, can you come take a look? My friend seems a bit unwell.”

The doctor vaguely recognized him, “The young man who drank too much yesterday, right? What’s wrong?”

Jiang Wen said somewhat stiffly: “Everything hurts.”

The doctor dismissed it: “That’s normal, nothing serious, just drink more warm water.”

As he was leaving, the doctor saw Feng Ning crouching beside Jiang Wen speaking to him gently and softly, thinking to himself that young people these days were all so delicate.

At noon, Shuang Yao came to visit Jiang Wen.

Since elderly patients needed to rest, the two went outside to talk for a while.

Shuang Yao walked with Feng Ning in the small garden below, “What are you two going to do, have you thought it through?”

“Pretty much.”

Shuang Yao: “What does ‘pretty much’ mean? Isn’t it obvious Jiang Wen still likes you?”

Feng Ning made a sound of acknowledgment, “The real problem between me and Jiang Wen isn’t whether he likes me or not.”

Shuang Yao looked up and sighed deeply, “Liking someone like you is really too difficult, too torturous.”

Feng Ning: “To be honest, I can’t reject Jiang Wen, and I can’t push him away. But…”

Shuang Yao entered life coach mode: “Ning Ning, don’t underestimate your ability to endure. Although love means bearing pain, pain is meant to be endured!”

Feng Ning had dark circles under her eyes, “It’s not that I can’t endure pain. There’s nothing I can’t endure, it won’t kill me. I just dare not touch it, I’m afraid it will break.”

“Afraid who will break, afraid your beautiful memories will break?” Glaring at her for two seconds, Shuang Yao was exasperated: “So even after he’s laid everything bare, you’re still going to keep backing away? Are you a coward?!!”

Feng Ning said calmly, “Shuang Yao, I’m not a coward. I just have too few things worth remembering in this life, Jiang Wen counts as one.”

Shuang Yao was stunned by these words. Then she felt some heartache and emotion.

She had accompanied Feng Ning, witnessing firsthand how she struggled to get to where she was now. No matter how miserable she became, what desperate situation she encountered, what setbacks and hardships she faced, how deep she fell into a pit, Feng Ning was never afraid.

Even when she had to take a break from school, when her mother passed away, when she broke up with Jiang Wen, when she couldn’t sleep night after night, taking medication, when she was penniless and deep in debt, she never showed any pain to others.

When she was sick back then, Feng Ning had told Shuang Yao: “I don’t need anyone’s comfort, and I especially don’t need anyone performing sympathy in front of me. Treat me the same way you always have.”

Feng Ning was just that kind of woman who would never be sentimental or emotional. The more someone had such tough bones, the more heartbreaking it was when they spoke such gentle words of love.

Shuang Yao couldn’t help saying: “But even after all this, you still push him away, how disappointed must Jiang Wen be?”

Shuang Yao paused, “Don’t you know how much disappointment can cancel out the most meticulous feelings? I think this time might be the last chance for you and Jiang Wen. You’re both not young anymore, if you go back to how things were before, not contacting each other for a long time. You’ll meet suitable people, and in the end, you two will be washed further and further apart.”

Feng Ning stared into the distance, as if spacing out.

Shuang Yao continued her heartfelt advice: “It’s not time that washes things away, it’s disappointment. You’ve given Jiang Wen too much disappointment. You only see the immediate relief, but life is so long, don’t spend the rest of your life regretting.”

The atmosphere was heavy for a few seconds.

“These few sentences of heartfelt chicken soup—”

Feng Ning turned to look at her carelessly: “Which emotional public account did you read them from? Haven’t memorized them for long, huh?”

Shuang Yao: “……”

Ignoring her expression, Feng Ning continued lazily: “Shuang Yao, read less of this stuff, it really lowers your intelligence.”

Shuang Yao gave her a hard hit, saying: “Bitch, f**k you.”

Feng Ning smiled a little.

—

Feng Ning returned to the hospital room, but Jiang Wen’s bed was empty. She called him, but no one answered.

Feng Ning went out to ask the doctor.

The doctor said: “Oh, him? Jiang Wen, right? He just checked out.”

Feng Ning called Jiang Wen two more times. On the third try, it finally connected.

She asked: “Where did you go?”

“Don’t know.”

“What do you mean don’t know?”

Jiang Wen: “I’m lost.”

She patiently asked: “Lost where?”

“Why are you looking for me?”

Feng Ning: “……”

After a while, Jiang Wen said gloomily: “You left with Shuang Yao, why do you care about me?”

Sure enough.

Never met someone so petty, Feng Ning controlled her temper: “I just went to talk with her for a bit, how did I leave with her?”

Jiang Wen made a sound but gave no other response.

Feng Ning’s head felt heavy, she closed her eyes for a moment, good-naturedly coaxing him, “Send me your location, I’ll come find you.”

In the park.

Jiang Wen sat on a long bench, in front of him was a pale green lake, ripples forming when the wind blew. There were pigeons flapping their wings on the shore.

Several little girls were crouching on the grass tearing up bread crumbs.

Like a scene from a TV drama.

Feng Ning walked over, blocking his view of the scenery.

The wind that blew past was sharp and bitter. Jiang Wen was like a sculpture, not moving at all.

Staring at the soft black whorl on top of his head, like a child’s. Feng Ning reached out her hand in front of his eyes, waving it up and down.

Jiang Wen didn’t move.

She lowered her hand.

The two sat side by side, occasionally white pigeons would stop by their feet.

They were silent in the cold wind. Jiang Wen showed no intention of talking to her. So Feng Ning watched the little girls feeding pigeons in the distance, passing time this way.

To break the frozen atmosphere, Feng Ning tried telling two jokes.

After telling them, she laughed, he remained silent.

Jiang Wen: “Do you think you’re funny?”

Feng Ning: “……”

She tugged at her mouth, laughing by herself.

Really getting a headache from the cold wind, Feng Ning simply stood up: “Let’s go, I’ll take you to get something to eat.”

—

They took a taxi to East Street, barely speaking a few words the whole way.

At this time it was the busiest hour, they went to a big food stall restaurant, several people came over to greet her. Some recognized Feng Ning and told her Meng Hanmo had gone out on business.

Feng Ning didn’t really care, pointed to Jiang Wen behind her: “I’m not here to find my brother, brought my friend for a meal.”

A guy with buzz cut hair had a cigarette in his mouth, looking at Jiang Wen in his formal wear, tilted his head teasingly: “Oh, such a handsome guy?”

Feng Ning nodded, “Don’t worry about us, go about your business.”

Going from the freezing outdoors into the heated restaurant, the warm air made their skin itch. Taking off her coat, Feng Ning chose a quiet corner to sit down. After sitting for a while, she thought of something, got up, and expertly grabbed a hot water bottle from the checkout counter.

She plugged it in to charge nearby.

A few minutes later, when the indicator light changed from red to green, Feng Ning tossed the hot water bottle into Jiang Wen’s arms, “Warm your stomach.”

He contentedly enjoyed her care.

Jiang Wen’s taste in food was mild, he only ordered slightly spicy.

Grilled wings, chicken feet, chives, beef skewers, lamb skewers, potatoes, cartilage, grilled shrimp, various aromatic barbecue items, plus a bowl of stomach-soothing seafood porridge, all came to the table.

In the midst of the steam and fragrance, Jiang Wen only took a couple bites before putting down his chopsticks.

Feng Ning kept her head down, eating with enjoyment.

He looked at Feng Ning for two or three seconds.

She noticed, slowed her chewing, lifting her eyes slightly to meet his gaze questioningly.

Jiang Wen finally opened his noble mouth: “Don’t you have anything you want to say to me?”

Feng Ning swallowed what was in her mouth, her lips shiny with oil, looking at him, “Say what?”

“You tell me?”

Feng Ning thought for a moment, “Happy New Year.”

Jiang Wen laughed angrily: “That’s it?”

She thought again, “Stay happy always.”

“Hmph.”

Jiang Wen glared at Feng Ning.

She turned to look elsewhere.

After holding back all day, Jiang Wen finally exploded, saying sarcastically: “Just one night, and you’re going to pretend to have amnesia?”

Seeing her constantly playing dumb in front of him, Jiang Wen felt so damn wronged.

Thinking and thinking about all the time they’d wasted, Jiang Wen felt so damn heartbroken.

Even if they treasured every minute and second from now on, the regrets of these years, the missed empty spaces, could never be made up.

Most hateful was that after everything he’d said last night, Feng Ning, this most stone-hearted woman in the world, could actually act like nothing happened and continue playing dead with him so casually.

Jiang Wen thought, waiting for her to bring up their relationship herself, he probably wouldn’t see it in this lifetime.

“I remember I was drunk, but you weren’t, right?”

Feng Ning silently took a potato skewer and put it on the iron plate in front of him, saying quietly: “Eat something first, you’ll have strength to discuss other things after eating.”

Hearing this, Jiang Wen’s face darkened with anger.

“Feng Ning, I’m not doing this for nothing. After spending so long with you, you need to give me an answer.”

He wore the resentful expression of a victim confronting an unscrupulous business. Feng Ning was curious: “Give an answer? What kind of answer do you want?”

Not waiting for his response, Feng Ning picked up a beer bottle and opened it directly. She said, “How about this, let’s have a drink too. You don’t drink, I’ll drink alone, consider it making up for you from yesterday.”

Saying this, Feng Ning poured the foaming beer along the glass rim, casually filling it full, lifting it to drain in one go.

Beer spilled from the corner of her mouth, she casually wiped it away and poured another glass.

Another full glass, finished in one breath again.

Feng Ning drank three glasses in succession, then said, “Alright, let’s talk.”

Under the table, Jiang Wen’s hand clenched tight.

Feng Ning spoke unhurriedly: “I want to ask you three questions, and you can ask me too. After that, I’ll give you yesterday’s answer.”

“First, you still like me now, right?”

Jiang Wen: “Yes.”

After answering, he asked Feng Ning, “What about you? Do you still like me?”

Feng Ning answered seriously: “Maybe a few years ago I still did.”

Her words were like a bucket of ice-cold water poured over his head, extinguishing all of Jiang Wen’s fire. For a moment he showed a vulnerable expression, quickly recovering, using an arrogant expression to cover up.

“I don’t care if you like me or not, I just know I’ve been held back by you for so long. Your person, your heart, I need to get at least one of them, everything else, whatever.”

Feng Ning burst out laughing at his domineering CEO tone.

Jiang Wen’s handsome face darkened, “You can still laugh, do you have no heart?”

Feng Ning poured herself another glass of beer, stopping her laughter: “What, I’m not allowed to laugh now?”

She said: “I have no heart, I only have one person left.”

Taking a sip of beer, Feng Ning held up two fingers: “Second question, describe what kind of image I have in your heart now.”

Jiang Wen pulled out a sneering smile, “Hypocritical, selfish, cold, harsh, stone-hearted, ruthless, self-righteous.”

She let him curse.

Feng Ning listened impassively, nodding in agreement, “I understand, do you have anything you want to ask me?”

Staring at her, Jiang Wen didn’t speak.

In front of others, Jiang Wen was always proudly aloof. However, no matter how proud and confident he was, when it came to Feng Ning, he would still lower himself to the dust.

This iron tree in the dust helplessly and desperately bloomed a tiny flower bud, which she then crushed under her foot and ground mercilessly.

After silence, Jiang Wen said: “I can follow behind you without dignity, but you at least need to look back at me.”

His face was full of hurt expressions, piercing her heart.

Feng Ning made a sound of agreement, still maintaining a negotiating tone, “Okay, then the last question.”

“What question?”

Feng Ning pondered for a moment, “Are you afraid that in the end, everything between us will just be an empty dream?”

“You, I don’t know.”

Jiang Wen said coldly, “My biggest dream is simply you liking me.”

Hearing his answer, Feng Ning fell silent.

Feng Ning nodded, “If that’s the case.”

She tore off a piece of white paper, dipped it in some beer, and rolled it around a chopstick.

Feng Ning threw the chopstick with the white flag tied to it into the glass, pushed it in front of Jiang Wen, and said to him: “Then I surrender.”

Jiang Wen’s expression changed several times, then froze.

His eyes not leaving her, trying to stay calm, but his voice was already completely hoarse, “What does surrender mean?”

Feng Ning answered indirectly: “Do you know what the opening lyrics of ‘Eliminated’ are?”

Jiang Wen: “What?”

“All the lies I told before, you believed them all.”

She smiled: “Now, when I say I love you, do you believe it?”

Jiang Wen froze for a moment, his heart trembling, gritting his teeth saying: “I don’t believe it.”

Feng Ning started laughing, laughing and laughing until her eyes gradually turned red.

“Once on the bus, when I was asleep, you played me a song. After you left, the melody of that song has appeared over and over again in countless sleepless nights during these eight years.”

Feng Ning was still smiling, “Oh right, do you know why I like Chibi Maruko-chan? Because Maruko has a grandfather, has parents, I have nothing left.”

“Actually I feel like I have nothing left to lose.”

“Except you, Jiang Wen. Except you.”

Jiang Wen felt very pained.

But he felt his entire being slowly melting bit by bit.

“Feng Ning always thought she was an amazing person, she could go anywhere, do anything, wasn’t afraid of anything, didn’t care about anything. Later, after three to five years, she got through everything, only to realize lifelessly that she wasn’t an all-powerful person. Forgetting Jiang Wen, she spent a very long, very long time, but couldn’t do it.”

“Jiang Wen, let me tell you a secret.”

Jiang Wen said hoarsely, “What secret?”

Her gaze was burning, “You are the most precious, most precious thing that Feng Ning this poor girl has ever had and lost in this life.”

“So, the more I think about it, the more unwilling I am, I should try to make it up one more time.”

Feng Ning grabbed at her chest, making a fist, opening it in front of Jiang Wen. She returned to her casual attitude: “No more sentimental words. I’m taking out my heart to give to you, still bleeding, still warm, the only one in the world, how about it, do you want it or not?”

Jiang Wen couldn’t speak for a long time.

He had waited for this day, waited who knows how long, how many days and nights, waited until he despaired, but still couldn’t let her go. To the extent that now, at this moment, when he finally saw the deep love he’d dreamed of in Feng Ning’s eyes, it still felt like a dream.

Feng Ning called out: “The blood on my hand is about to drip on the floor, if you don’t want it I’ll put my heart back.”

He cursed her: “Are you crazy?”

In the noisy restaurant.

Bright lights shining.

Jiang Wen rose slightly, leaning across half the table, using one hand to hold Feng Ning’s face, and kissed her.