The company’s sliding performance had made it so Hu Tu couldn’t even sleep well. And on top of that, he hadn’t been able to arrange a meeting with Ji Feng despite trying many times. He used connections several times to ask for help probing Ji Feng, and Ji Feng finally relented through his assistant Xue Ruisong, passing along a simple message: Tell your wife to think carefully back to what happened the night of the wine reception.
Upon receiving this valuable tip, Hu Tu immediately drove home and dragged his wife out of the massage chair she was enjoying, demanding that she try hard to recall exactly what had transpired that night at the reception.
Initially Mrs. Hu Tu didn’t take it seriously, but Hu Tu severely reprimanded her, explaining the crisis currently facing the company and telling her to sober up and see clearly the situation they were in. Only then did Mrs. Hu Tu start to seriously think back.
Going over it again and again, she suddenly slapped her leg: “Could Ji Feng be obstructing our livelihood because of Lu Zhenzheng?”
Hu Tu frowned. “Lu Zhenzheng? Was she even qualified to attend that reception?”
Mrs. Hu Tu guiltily said, “She kept asking me, saying she wanted to expand her horizons, so I found a way to sneak her in…”
“Fool!” Hu Tu immediately yelled at his wife. “When did I become so unaware of how stupid you are? You shouldn’t have been there yourself, so what made you think you could bring Lu Zhenzheng? Was she worthy? By taking her there, you’ve diminished both of our statuses!”
Mrs. Hu Tu didn’t dare make a sound as she was berated.
After a moment, Hu Tu told her to quickly recount everything Lu Zhenzheng had said and done that night.
“Is now really the time for me to pry every detail out of you sentence by sentence?”
So Mrs. Hu Tu hastily summarized what had happened that night.
“In short… Lu Zhenzheng badmouthed Xu Miya a lot, and got everyone else to join in mocking Xu Miya.” She seemed to recall something else and continued, “Oh right, I have to say, Xu Miya really does have a way with men. That night, first a handsome guy came over to rescue her from the situation, then later another handsome guy came over, put his arm around Xu Miya, and took her away. That second guy was probably Ji Feng. As a woman, Xu Miya really has skills—aside from those two men at the reception, even now that Nie Yucheng has married and had a child with Lu Zhenzheng, he still can’t forget about her!”
After hearing the full story, Hu Tu was so angry he raised his hand about to slap her, but forcibly suppressed himself from actually swinging at the last moment.
“You homewrecking shrew, outstanding at causing trouble but useless at accomplishing anything constructive! Is now the time for you to be wagging your tongue gossiping? Don’t you see clearly that it’s because you women were talking about Xu Miya that Ji Feng decided to cut ties and impose economic sanctions on our company? Fine, fine, please keep talking and run the company into the ground, then you and I can go out together to face homelessness and starvation!”
Mrs. Hu Tu was so frightened she didn’t dare to even breathe loudly. The pompous demeanor she put on when going out had been completely annihilated.
After a moment, Hu Tu said to his wife: “Now I understand what Ji Feng is trying to accomplish—he wants Xu Miya to get an apology. If he wants Xu Miya to receive an apology, then it looks like you all will have to go apologize to Xu Miya. Here’s the plan: contact Lu Zhenzheng and go properly apologize to Xu Miya together.”
Mrs. Hu Tu carefully replied: “There’s no way Lu Zhenzheng would lower her head to apologize to Xu Miya…”
Hu Tu angrily roared: “If she doesn’t go, then Xu Miya can’t get her apology, Ji Feng won’t resume cooperation, my company won’t make money and will go bankrupt, and then just wait for me to divorce you and for both of us to live in poverty and starvation for the rest of our days!”
Mrs. Hu Tu was badly frightened. She rolled off the sofa and scrambled to her feet, running to call Lu Zhenzheng. She begged and persuaded and made Lu Zhenzheng understand the company’s current circumstances, asking her to go apologize to Xu Miya.
But Lu Zhenzheng, who had always fawned over her, unexpectedly firmly hung up, declaring she would rather die than lower her head to Xu Miya.
Mrs. Hu Tu apprehensively relayed this result to Hu Tu.
Hu Tu furiously berated her: “Useless deadweight! Aside from spending money you can’t do a thing right!”
Since the path of getting his wife to contact Lu Zhenzheng hadn’t panned out, he directly called on Nie Yucheng and began yelling at him at once: “What a fine wife you’ve got!” He explained the whole story to Nie Yucheng, and gave him an ultimatum: “Nie Yucheng, I invested my entire life savings into buying Hang Yang Travel. I won’t allow it to just wither away slowly like this. I promoted you to deputy general manager, and your contract has terms requiring you to compensate for losses if you can’t maintain profitability—I’m sure you remember that extremely clearly. So for today’s matter, I don’t care how, you get your wife to hurry up and apologize, otherwise with all the losses to the company caused by this, it’ll be on you—you can pay it back yourselves!”
After understanding the context, when Nie Yucheng left the Hu residence he got into his parked car by the street and started chain smoking cigarette after cigarette. He felt pained and remorseful for Xu Miya, and exhausted and fed up with Lu Zhenzheng and his current life. He didn’t know at what point he had made one misstep after another to end up with his life regressing to what it was now.
Recalling the past, before the divorce when he had been vexed by Xiao Mei’s disruptions again and stood in front of the hotel bathroom mirror shaving, cutting his chin so that it bled. Xu Miya had anxiously rushed over, attentively blowing on the wound and dabbing it with cotton swabs for him. Her nervous yet fawning manner so he wouldn’t get angry seemed vividly before his eyes. But all of that already felt ages ago now, as if from another lifetime.
He wiped away the tears that had run from the corners of his eyes, forcefully snuffed out the cigarette, and drove home.
When he arrived, Lu Zhenzheng hadn’t gone to bed yet and his mother was there too. They were loudly arguing about looking after the child. Lu Zhenzheng blamed his mother for meddling too much into everything, while his mother scolded Lu Zhenzheng for being a deceptive vixen—before marriage she had deferred to her in all matters, but after marriage did a 360, resisting and contradicting her at every turn. She added that had she known Lu Zhenzheng was this kind of woman, she would never have allowed her son to divorce his ex-wife.
Seeing the two women tearing into each other with neither giving way, Nie Yucheng was suddenly overcome by a feeling of utter disgust at the world.
After they had yelled their fill, as his mother was leaving she left him with a fierce parting shot: “If not for my grandson being so young still, I would make you divorce her this instant!”
Nie Yucheng walked into the bedroom. His son was sleeping. He called Lu Zhenzheng out to the living room and, not deigning to respond to her complaint about him standing by without defending her while his mother spoke to her that way just now, directly instructed her: “Wake up early tomorrow morning and get ready, I’m taking you to the Sheraton Hotel.”
Lu Zhenzheng immediately reacted shrilly, “Going there to do what?”
“To apologize to Xu Miya.”
Lu Zhenzheng shrieked, “Over my dead body!”
Nie Yucheng eyed her coldly and calmly said, “Fine, if you won’t apologize, we’ll get divorced right this moment.”
Seeing Nie Yucheng’s unperturbed expression, somehow his calm made her even more uneasy—because behind that façade was tremendous resolve.
She became afraid.
Ji Feng’s schedule had him getting up early the next morning to leave town on a business trip.
So he had intended to go to bed early the night before.
But a light rain had started falling from evening on, pattering steadily as if it was the same rain as when he was small and his mother had forced him to go to his father’s lover’s home to look for his father.
Now he couldn’t fall asleep.
As soon as he closed his eyes, it was as if he had returned to childhood, standing desolate and helpless amidst the chilling raindrops like an emotional beggar seeking his father.
After endless tossing and turning, he felt more and more awful. Glancing at the clock, it was 11 PM. He tentatively messaged Xu Miya:
“Asleep yet? Feel like having a drink together?”
Xu Miya hadn’t gone to bed yet. She was proofreading the schedule and banquet menu for Duan Aoxiang’s event.
Upon seeing Ji Feng’s message she immediately started to reply: Better not drink, I’m working overtime.
But hearing the pitter-patter of rain outside her window, her fingers halted halfway through the refusal.
She understood that he must be suffering insomnia again.
She deleted the rejection letter by letter that she had already typed out, then sent a fresh reply:
“Sure.”
Right away there was a knock at her door.
Xu Miya got up to open it. Ji Feng was standing outside holding a bottle of red wine and two wine glasses.
Xu Miya moved aside to let him in.
Ji Feng walked over to the sofa holding the wine and glasses and sat right down on the carpet.
Xu Miya followed and quickly cleared away all the documents on the coffee table to make space.
“Working overtime?” Ji Feng asked as he set down the glasses.
“Mm,” Xu Miya affirmed.
“Am I disturbing you?” Ji Feng considerately inquired.
Xu Miya felt a warmth in her heart. He has really changed for the better, not only caring about his own feelings, but also learning to be considerate of others’ feelings.
“You’re not disturbing me,” Xu Miya affirmed as she also sat down on the carpet next to him.
Ji Feng relaxed and opened a bottle of wine, pouring it into the glasses.
The two of them sat side by side on the carpet, backs leaning against the sofa, each with a glass of wine. They lightly clinked their glasses before slowly sipping.
Outside the window, the sound of rain continued to pitter patter incessantly. The room, which had been cooled by the damp air just now, had already become warm and cozy.
Xu Miya felt it was so magical. At this moment, she was actually extremely peaceful and tranquil inside. It seemed that on a rainy night like this, having a drink with Ji Feng was the most unexpected yet comfortable thing to happen at the end of her day.
They listened to the rain and drank their wine while chatting.
Ji Feng suddenly turned and asked Xu Miya, “Before we broke up, how far did we get on that list of 100 things?”
Xu Miya thought for a moment and said, “Play a round of truth or dare with each other.”
Ji Feng looked at her, the corners of his lips turning up.
Xu Miya was stunned by his smile after drinking. His expressions had always contained some disdain and mockery. But now he was purely just smiling.
It was a smile that struck straight at one’s heart.
Feeling her heartbeat skip, she hurriedly drank a big mouthful of wine to calm herself down.
Then she asked him, “What are you smiling about?”
Ji Feng looked at her, his voice unprecedentedly gentle.
“I’m very happy that you still remember so clearly how far we got with our list of 100 things to do. It means you haven’t forgotten me.”
He was actually happy that she still remembered, just like he did.
Xu Miya immediately turned her head away, flustered, and drank another big mouthful of wine.
“Nonsense, I just happen to have a good memory.” She awkwardly argued.
Ji Feng indulged her, “Alright, you just happen to have a good memory.” After a brief pause, he changed the subject, “Why don’t we continue where we left off with that list of 100 things, and play a round of truth or dare? It’ll liven things up.”
Seeing Xu Miya hesitate a little, he tried to provoke her, “What, are you afraid to lose?”
Xu Miya immediately lifted her chin arrogantly, “Fine, let’s play.”
“How do we decide who wins or loses?” Ji Feng promptly asked.
“Let’s keep it simple with rock paper scissors,” Xu Miya suggested.
She was still somewhat confident in this game she had played since childhood.
But in the first round of rock paper scissors, Xu Miya lost.
Ji Feng gazed at her blushing cheeks flushed from the alcohol and felt moved.
In a muffled voice, he directly asked her, “Do you still like me?”
He saw Xu Miya’s eyes widen in surprise at the question.
He thought she would choose to drink instead of answering.
But she looked into his eyes, and actually gave him a slight nod.
Ji Feng’s wrist shook, and he almost dropped the wine glass.
He forced himself to stay calm.
Xu Miya won the next round.
She also looked into Ji Feng’s eyes and asked him, “Do you dislike that I’ve been married before? Tell the truth.”
Ji Feng immediately answered, “No.”
Just that one word, uttered decisively without any hesitation.
In the next round, Ji Feng asked Xu Miya in return, “Have you ever felt I disliked you?”
Xu Miya nodded, “Mm-hmm.”
Ji Feng looked at her, not knowing what to say. He tipped his head back and downed the wine, then poured himself another glass.
“When did I ever make you feel I disliked you?” Ji Feng couldn’t help asking persistently .
Xu Miya moved her lips, seemingly finding it difficult to speak up.
She also tipped her head back and drank up her wine, then poured herself another glass and drank half of it, before the alcohol finally emboldened her.
She turned to look at Ji Feng, took a deep breath and said, “Every time after we…you know, you would immediately rush to take a shower no matter how tired you were. That…wasn’t that showing your dislike for me?”
Ji Feng was instantly shocked and baffled. He angrily drank down the wine in his glass, then glared at Xu Miya and asked indignantly, “Just what were you thinking?” He was almost incoherent, “Every time I exerted myself so much, working up a full body sweat, feeling completely sticky and gross… Of course I had to shower right away. Wasn’t that because I was afraid you would find my smell unpleasant?”
“……” So that was why.
Although she had been scolded, Xu Miya was very happy to have resolved this knot in her heart.
She silently drank her wine while avoiding Ji Feng’s scorching, indignant gaze.
Xu Miya suddenly thought of something else. Emboldened by the alcohol, she also worked up her courage and turned to Ji Feng to ask again, “You just said you don’t dislike the fact that I’ve been divorced, but there were many times before that your behavior clearly showed dislike or unease about it!”
Ji Feng was puzzled, “When? Tell me.”
Xu Miya thought for a bit as her face turned red first, but she still insisted on speaking, “You always want to…even during work hours, you can’t keep your hands to yourself. I told you that you were the one who said we have to separate work and personal matters, but you said… You had just started eating meat, not like me…” She didn’t finish, but Ji Feng understood her meaning—not like her, since she had been married and “eaten meat” before.
Ji Feng anxiously tried to explain, but Xu Miya cut him off.
“Let me finish!”
Ji Feng irritably ran his fingers through his hair and drank up his wine.
“And there was another time, when I gave you a massage and you said it felt good, then asked if I had specially learned it for you. But the truth is, I learned massage before for my ex-husband. You sensed it too, so you said it didn’t matter who I learned it for. But after that, you became moody and were unusually forceful when we… It felt like you were venting your displeasure!”
Ji Feng was once again baffled, staring with eyes wide and mouth agape, his entire face the picture of injustice.
“That time, when I was forceful, it was because… because I couldn’t stand your technique! Don’t you know with your skills, anyone would lose control? That was why I was so impulsive. Yet you actually thought I was unpleasantly venting?” He poked Xu Miya’s forehead in exasperation. “What on earth goes on in that head of yours?”
Xu Miya’s head tilted to the side from his poke, but she seemed rather happily tilted.
Ji Feng had helped resolve another knot in her heart.
Ji Feng poured more wine into both glasses and huffed at Xu Miya, “Drink this as punishment.”
Xu Miya obediently tipped her head back to drink it all. Ji Feng also tipped his head back and drained his glass.
After putting down the wine glass, Ji Feng turned Xu Miya’s chin to make her look at him.
Then he straightened his expression and told her word for word: “What I’m about to say is what the pre-breakup Ji Feng is saying to the pre-breakup Xu Miya.”
“Miya, your experience of a failed marriage can’t be erased. Since I chose to be with you, I’ll accept all your past experiences together. You need to understand, I don’t care about it, what I care about is how you feel when I bring it up by accident.
“Because every time I accidentally mention it, your whole body stiffens. And I’d think, oh no, did I unintentionally offend and hurt you? Then I try hard to make up for it. But in your perspective, isn’t this me minding your past, having emotions about it, then desperately trying to make up to you afterwards? If that’s how you see it, it would be a huge injustice to me.
“Also, I’ll be honest and tell you, when I think about your ex-husband, I do feel a little jealous. But it’s not aimed specifically at you having an ex-husband. I’d feel jealous about any man that has appeared in your life, including that day when Duan Aoxiang put his coat over you, I felt very jealous too. There’s no helping it, as long as you’re in my heart, feeling jealous is inevitable. And no matter what experiences you had with your ex-husband in the past, it doesn’t matter, that’s the past, what I want to develop with you is the future.”
Ji Feng paused, his voice growing hoarse: “I should have explained all this clearly to you earlier. If I had, perhaps we wouldn’t have broken up.” But I’ve never dated, I don’t know how to communicate.”
He saw Xu Miya’s eyes brimming red.
It made his heart feel like it was being tightly squeezed, aching slightly.
“No crying allowed,” he commanded with feigned sternness. “Seeing you cry makes me feel awful here.” He pointed at his own heart to tell her.
Xu Miya held back her tears and smiled at him.
But he still wasn’t satisfied. “No smiling allowed either!” He reached to smooth out the corners of her lips. “If you keep smiling I won’t be able to control myself.”
Xu Miya quickly changed the subject, continuing their game of truth or dare.
And this time Xu Miya lost again.
Ji Feng looked at her intently and asked: “Why were you set on breaking up with me?”
Tell me where I was lacking so he could improve. But why didn’t she give him a chance and insisted they must break up?
Only upon asking this question did Ji Feng realize how deeply hurt he actually was by their breakup. All that pent up trauma that kept swelling, was merely a permeating manifestation of that hurt.
Xu Miya looked at Ji Feng, finally honestly expressing what was inside: “It’s my problem, my mistake, I felt I wasn’t good enough for you, not matching up.”
Speaking till the end, her voice caught.
“Do you still think that way now?” Ji Feng asked, looking into her eyes.
“I’m currently trying hard to eliminate such thoughts, trying hard to gain confidence in myself.” Xu Miya answered nasal-voiced and in full detail.
Ji Feng’s mouth slowly curved up, curving higher and higher. Visible delight spread across his face.
They gazed at each other. They had never conversed so openly honest with one another.
In this rainy night that originally had him insomniac, listening to the sound of rain, drinking wine, they had also opened their hearts to one another.
Ji Feng felt this was one of the few blissful moments in his life.
He soon wouldn’t be able to hold back anymore. But Xu Miya was still trying hard to restrain herself.
She diverted his attention by asking: “Do you know what the next thing for 100 things is?”
Ji Feng answered absentmindedly while looking at her: “What is it?”
Xu Miya told him: “It’s each sharing something from your own childhood.” She clinked glasses with Ji Feng, took a drink, then said, “I’ll go first then.”
Ji Feng propped his elbow, eyes fixed attentively on her as he listened to her story.
“Let me tell you about how ridiculous my maternal home is.” Xu Miya said with a effort to sound casual and laughing. “When I was little, because Xu Mibao was making a fuss about wanting to go camping, our whole family went camping together one weekend. While camping they were always getting me to do this and that. Annoyed, I ran into the woods to hide and ended up falling asleep. When I woke up, I discovered my whole family was gone, leaving only a pile of trash behind. As it turns out, they had already gone home. How ridiculous that when my family members went home, not a single one realized I was missing!”
“Later I walked the entire night by myself back home. I cried in fear the entire way until I finally made it home at dawn. And guess what happened when I walked into the yard?” Xu Miya told Ji Feng laughing, “I happened to run into Jiao Xiumei who had woken up early. She actually thought I had also woken up early and was sneaking out, trying to avoid emptying the chamber pots for my family. Can you believe an entire night passed with not one person at home realizing I was missing?”
Xu Miya laughed till tears fell. She wiped them away, “I thought then, isn’t it because I’m inadequate myself that’s why I don’t get any attention or love from my family? So I worked hard doing chores, hard at obeying, trying hard to smile and fawn over everyone, hoping to get attention and affection. That’s also when I started discarding my own self and self-confidence, turning into someone who only cared about pleasing others. Ji Feng,” Xu Miya looked at Ji Feng with eyes washed clean by waters, telling him word for word, “It was you who helped me regain myself at thirty years old. Thank you, Ji Feng!” Finishing saying this, she smiled with tears flowing again.
Ji Feng could no longer withstand it. He pulled her into his embrace, lightly patting her back to soothe her.
He also shared with her something from his own childhood.
“I’ve never told anyone this story. Not even my own mother knows why I tend to be insomniac on rainy nights like this.”
He softly recounted in detail, confiding in Xu Miya a wound engraved in his childhood, a wound he had never uncovered for others to see.
“When I was eight that year, I remember it rained continuously for a whole month. In that year when the rains were endless, I learned what was cheating at an earlier age compared to other children my age. From my mother’s hysterical temper, and the strings of phone calls to my father, first begging him to come home then immediately turning into curses, I knew my father was having an affair.”
Xu Miya stiffened in Ji Feng’s embrace.
He had such anguish too. She reached back to lightly pat his back in comfort.
“Then one day, on a rainy day like today, in the chilling and sticky night rain, my mother dragged me out of my blanket and took me to my father and his lover’s home, forcing me to go up and knock on the door, forcing me to plead my father to consider me and come home with us.”
Xu Miya shuddered hearing this. She had believed it was only her own family misfortune, but what Ji Feng’s mother did to eight year-old him was no different than her own parents, they were both harming their own children.
She pulled out of Ji Feng’s embrace to look him in the eyes, seeing the hurt inside.
She raised her hand to caress his face, wanting to give him solace.
“I didn’t want to go find that kind of father, let alone by going to his lover’s home. But my mother told me if I didn’t go look for him, then I couldn’t come home or sleep. So I confronted my mother that rainy night, both of us not sleeping the entire night. That night’s rain was just like now, pitter patter nonstop. For me, even till now that sound feels like a curse. The damp and chilling feeling of that night’s rain is etched directly into my bones. So ever since, whenever this kind of gloomy and persistent rainy season arrives, I’d be insomniac unable to sleep.”
Xu Miya looked at Ji Feng. She finally understood, his insomnia wasn’t pretentious or a rich man’s illness at all. It was from the deep trauma inflicted by his irresponsible parents onto his psyche and heart since he was a child.
She gently stroked his cheek, comforting him.
“Don’t worry about me, I’m perfectly fine now.” Seeing Xu Miya’s pained expression for him, Ji Feng instead comforted her. “You always used to say I woke you up, rescuing you from your family of origin. Actually you woke me up too, so I could also properly deal with problems in my own family.”
Ji Feng asked Xu Miya: “Still remember that conversation we had on your birthday in the hotel suite? You made me see something clearly – how I always complained about you unable to detach from your terrible family, yet what about myself? You enlightened this muddled person to know what I should do. After that talk I went on my business trip. When I came back, I told my mother, between me and my father, she could only pick one. I made her understand how she had been hurting me from childhood till now, that she’d always been a selfish mother. If she tries again in the future to use me to lure my father back home, then I will detach thoroughly from her and this family.”
Pausing, Ji Feng’s expression showed the comfort after undergoing tribulation: “You know, that night my mother cried silently for a long time. She finally understood. She repented for the harm she’d inflicted on me since I was little, finally realizing it wasn’t worth hurting her son for a husband like that. And from that day forth, she truly hasn’t used me again as a bargaining chip to lure my father home.”
“Miya,” he raised his hand to stroke her cheek, eyes full of gratitude and tenderness, “Actually it wasn’t me changing you, it was you changing me!”
He clasped her hand, lightly kissing it against his lips.
“And I should be the one thanking you. On this night where I’m sleepless again, thank you for accompanying me, Miya!”
They gazed at one another, like looking at their childhood wounded selves. Their lips met in a kiss, giving their souls that had both suffered harm the gentlest comfort.
They closed their eyes melting into a deep tender passionate kiss. Their lips seemed to be soundlessly whispering for all eternity.
When Xu Miya opened her eyes again, it was already morning. The sky was still gloomy with rain still coming down.
The bedside was empty since Ji Feng had left already, but remnants of last night’s tenderness still lingered tantalizing at Xu Miya’s body and soul. On the small bedside table was a note Ji Feng left for her.
He told her: “Wanted to let you sleep more so didn’t wake you. I left on my work trip. When I return, there is something I want to tell you.”
Looking at the note, Xu Miya smiled deep from her heart.
She seemed to know what he wanted to say.
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