January 2nd. “Scholar Jiang, can you contact Brother Si?” “No.” “Okay, if you can reach him, please send me a message.” “Alright.”
Jiang Qian had told him she qualified for the A City New Dance Cup, scheduled for January 8th at the city’s largest theater. This might be her last stage performance, and she hoped he would come. But he didn’t respond.
…
That evening. None of them could reach Xu Si.
Jiang Qian, Yang Shikun, and Hao Ming went to Xu Si’s home, only to find that floor blocked off by an iron gate with a large lock.
Yang Shikun found it strange: “Why is it locked? Doesn’t Brother Si still live here?”
Jiang Qian looked through the iron gate at the entrance where the red lanterns were gone: “Maybe he moved back home and hasn’t had a chance to tell us.”
Yang Shikun still felt it was odd: “Why wouldn’t Brother Si tell us beforehand?”
Hao Ming thought for a moment and said: “Maybe his phone broke and he hasn’t bought a new one yet.”
The three looked at the iron gate with complex expressions.
…
January 3rd. Yang Shikun wanted to go to the police.
Jiang Qian and Hao Ming agreed.
At the police station, after hearing their story, the officer just smiled: “From what you’re saying, your classmate lives alone. He might be visiting relatives. How could a seventeen or eighteen-year-old boy go missing from his own home? Go back and wait for news.”
Yang Shikun was frustrated on the way back: “Damn, we came to the police because we can’t contact him, and they think we’re joking.”
Jiang Qian remained silent, just opening her messages again. Still no response from him. Still nothing.
…
January 4th. Jiang Qian still hadn’t received any news about Xu Si. Their chat was still frozen on New Year’s Day when she asked if his dumplings were tasty. She tapped on Xu Si’s profile picture.
Just as she put down her phone, she heard a WeChat notification. She opened it – a message from Xu Si.
[Xu Si]: Sorry, my phone broke.
She typed several words, deleted them, and finally sent: [Jiang Qian]: I have something for you.
Xu Si replied quickly. [Xu Si]: I actually need to see you too.
Fifteen minutes later. [Xu Si]: I’m downstairs.
Jiang Qian took the elevator down and saw Xu Si below, dressed all in black, wearing a scarf with only his eyes visible.
She walked up to him: “How did your phone break?” “Accidentally.”
Jiang Qian felt something was different about Xu Si today, but she couldn’t pinpoint what.
She handed him the books: “You finished that set of problems, so I got you new ones.”
But Xu Si didn’t take them.
“No more tutoring from now on.” The young man’s voice was slightly hoarse.
Jiang Qian’s hand holding the books stiffened slightly. She looked up at Xu Si: “Why?”
“No reason. I don’t want to study anymore.”
“But your grades were improving. Next semester you might reach the middle ranking.”
Hearing her words, Xu Si’s nails dug into his palms. He looked at Jiang Qian and said word by word: “Stop caring about me, Jiang Qian.”
Jiang Qian met his gaze. The young man’s eyes had always been dark, but now they were emotionless, seeming to keep everyone at a distance. Just like… Just like when they first met.
He rarely called her by her full name. This time he did.
Jiang Qian wanted to ask why. Why, when she had almost pulled him out of his downward spiral, was he falling back again?
She asked anyway: “Why? Why should I stop caring about you?”
Meeting those clear eyes, Xu Si feared one more second would make him surrender. He looked away: “Please, don’t ask why. Just give up on me.”
Let him rot in the gutter. Don’t care about him. Don’t ask why. One more question and he’d tell her everything. He couldn’t. He was living in the mud himself. Why should he drag her down too? She was moonlight he dared not defile.
Jiang Qian still held the heavy books. After a long silence, she moved her lips: “Okay.”
Watching Jiang Qian leave with the books, Xu Si turned and left.
Jiang Qian looked back at his quickly retreating figure, then continued forward.
Xu Si glanced back at her once, then walked away.
…
Xu Si dared not remove his scarf. The wounds on his face had scabbed over. The long wound on his neck was still jarringly visible.
…
“Can this phone be fixed?” Seeing the person shake their head, Xu Si put the phone back in his pocket. He had tried many places that day, all responding with “no” and head shakes.
Xu Si clutched the phone and spotted a phone repair shop in a small alley. He went in.
“Go! Go!” “So terrible!”
The owner was crouching, playing a game. Seeing someone enter, he looked up: “Wait a bit, almost done.”
Xu Si wasn’t in a hurry and sat down. He just wanted to recover that photo of Jiang Qian.
“Lost again! Damn! Useless teammates!” The owner cursed, threw his phone on the counter: “What needs fixing?”
Xu Si took out his badly damaged phone: “Can you fix this?”
The owner took the phone, looked it over: “Something important in there?”
Xu Si nodded.
“No problem, leave it to me.” “How much?” The owner smiled: “Naturally, no charge if I can’t fix it. Want to pick it up tomorrow, or tonight?”
Xu Si asked: “How long will it take?” “Three hours, maybe.” “I’ll wait here.”
As evening fell, Xu Si still waited in the small shop, watching him work with various phone parts. The shop had air conditioning – it wasn’t cold.
Seeing Xu Si watching intently, the owner pointed aside: “There’s instant noodles in that box if you’re hungry. Take whatever flavor you want.”
Xu Si shook his head: “I’m not eating.”
After another busy hour, the owner stretched: “Done. Check if your important stuff is there, quickly back it up.”
Xu Si took the phone: “Okay.”
He transferred the photos and videos Yang Shikun sent to his new phone and made a backup.
“Hey hey hey, young man, what’s so important in there? Worth waiting three-four hours?” The owner watched him work on the phone, curiosity getting the better of him.
Xu Si looked up, his eyes complex: “Someone very important who I dare not get close to.”
“Someone you like?” “Mm.”
“Ah, handsome boy, if I had your looks, I’d dare chase any girl. Why so insecure? With that face, you’re doing secret admiration?”
Xu Si was silent for a moment, lowering his eyes: “She’s too excellent, well-behaved, beautiful, and kind.”
She was white moonlight1 he dared not touch.
- White moonlight (bái yuègu?ng) is a slang refers to someone you pine for yet unattainble; often in reference to a first love you can’t forget. ↩︎
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