Jiang Rang wore loose hospital clothes, looking out the window. The tree she often saw before had somehow suddenly died, with only the topmost branches still growing green.
She felt like a death row prisoner from ancient times, waiting for her death sentence. She would soon start chemotherapy again.
In her first year of high school, lying in another hospital room similar to this one, many thoughts had crossed her mind. Sometimes she thought there wasn’t much to regret. It might be good to just go like this. Better to die peacefully than live in pain. That period was when her mental state was at its worst.
She felt reluctant to leave Auntie Liu and Jiang Zhixu. She tried to numb herself, not letting herself have idle time. Perhaps because she hid it too well, no one discovered her thoughts during that time. But what she didn’t know was that when Auntie Liu saw her staring blankly at broken glass pieces, she cried uncontrollably. Before entering the room, she wiped away her tears and brought in food, as if nothing had happened.
Jiang Rang put away the things in her hand, quietly slipping them under her pillow. Auntie Liu watched her eat, and that day suddenly talked about many things from long ago. She hadn’t had an easy life in her earlier years – her family resented her for not bearing sons and threatened to send her back to her parents’ home.
Back then, Jiang Rang was only in third grade. She had said: “Divorce him, I have money, I’ll take care of you in the future.” Those childish words made Auntie Liu cry.
Later, she did divorce that man. To save face, he claimed he was the one who didn’t want Auntie Liu, and spread rumors in the village about her being improper. By then, Jiang Rang was in seventh grade. Usually gentle and quiet, she couldn’t even say a bad word, and when bullied would at most say “I hate you.” But that day, Jiang Rang chased that man around half the village, cursing him with sharp, precise words that left him speechless, using every bit of knowledge she had against him.
Auntie Liu had long considered her as her own daughter. And Jiang Rang had also long seen her as family, depending on her greatly.
Auntie Liu could barely sleep, secretly coming to check on her at night. Seeing her peaceful sleeping face, Auntie Liu would cry again. Actually, Jiang Rang wasn’t asleep – she heard Auntie Liu’s quiet sobs. After Auntie Liu left, she secretly threw away that piece of broken glass.
…
The seat beside Xu Si was empty. He kept Jiang Rang’s photo with his books, able to see it with just a glance down, as if she was still beside him supervising his studies. Sometimes he would stare at the photo lost in thought, then continue solving problems.
Jiang Rang told him she had something to do these two days and couldn’t check her phone often. So Xu Si told her about many things happening in class. Not expecting responses, just wanting to share anything interesting with her.
…
January 19th.
Jiang Rang spent another day in drowsy sleep. Her condition was getting worse. Auntie Liu tried making different dishes for her, but she could only eat a little bit.
She looked at Xu Si’s messages on her phone, scrolling to the top.
[Somewhat Cute Student Xu]: Little Teacher, today’s sunset is pretty. [Somewhat Cute Student Xu]: [Photo] [Somewhat Cute Student Xu]: Another day of being tortured by physics problems. [Somewhat Cute Student Xu]: Why doesn’t Little Teacher hate physics? [Somewhat Cute Student Xu]: Did one more set of papers than usual today, want Little Teacher’s praise. [Somewhat Cute Student Xu]: I know you’re busy, just take a look when you can.
…
The further down Jiang Rang scrolled, the more her heart ached. She started replying to Xu Si from the beginning.
[Jiang Rang]: The sunset was beautiful, too bad I missed it.
As soon as she sent the first message, Xu Si’s reply came.
[Somewhat Cute Student Xu]: No need to reply one by one, just knowing you’ve seen them is enough.
[Jiang Rang]: You did great today.
This was replying to his earlier request for praise. Though it sounded like comforting a child, Xu Si found it very satisfying.
[Somewhat Cute Student Xu]: Can we video call today? Want to see Little Teacher.
Jiang Rang looked at the white walls around her. Then replied.
[Jiang Rang]: The lights are off, but we can video call, I’ll watch you do homework.
She watched Xu Si through the camera, saw him adjust his phone’s position, then smile at her. She couldn’t help smiling back.
“Little Teacher, I’ll start doing homework then.” “Okay.”
Xu Si kept his head down doing problems. Jiang Rang could only hear the scratching sound of writing.
“Xu Si.” “I’m here, are you sleepy, Little Teacher?” “No, just wanted to call your name.”
Xu Si looked up from his books: “Go to sleep soon, I’ll continue with the test papers.” “I’ll watch you write.” “You finally don’t have to do practice problems every day now, don’t stay up late, it’s not good for your health.” “Okay.”
Xu Si maintained his usual habit, occasionally looking up while writing, though he couldn’t see Jiang Rang on the other end. But hearing her voice still made him feel at ease.
Near eleven o’clock, Xu Si picked up his phone: “Time to rest, Little Teacher.” “Okay.”
Jiang Rang looked at the young man on her phone, feeling a bit dazed.
“Good night, Little Teacher.” “Good night.”
After hanging up, Xu Si put a mint in his mouth and continued doing problems. Time passed unknowingly into the night. Xu Si picked up his phone and saw it was already past midnight. It had been like this these days, him doing problems until late night. He always believed nothing in the world came easily, whether studying or anything else.
Jiang Rang tossed and turned, unable to sleep at all. She was in so much pain that cold sweat covered her body, curled up on the bed, her pale fingers creasing the sheets as she gripped them. She grabbed the painkillers from the table, but before she could open the cap, the medicine fell to the floor.
Auntie Liu was watching over her in the next bed. She hurriedly got up to pour water for Jiang Rang, picked up the medicine from the floor, poured it into her palm, and brought it to her mouth: “Qiao Qiao, are you feeling unwell?”
Jiang Rang was in too much pain to speak, swallowing the medicine and closing her eyes. Auntie Liu gently patted her hand, comforting her to sleep like when she was little. She tried to smooth out her furrowed brows but found they wouldn’t relax.
Not until late into the night did Jiang Rang’s frown finally ease. Her internal organs had begun failing – she didn’t need to hear the doctors say it, she knew clearly that she didn’t have much time left, at most just a few months.
She must have had some dream, a dream without sickness and pain. Her lips curved slightly into a smile.
Leave a Reply