Outside their home, Zhan Jie told Zhan Xi, “We’ll probably have guests today. Don’t argue too much with Mom. Dad and I will try to reason with her. I need to talk to Dad first about what to say.”
“Okay,” Zhan Xi agreed. “I won’t cause trouble. If anyone does, it’ll be Mom.”
“Don’t bring in the things Little Luo bought yet. Let him bring them in himself when he comes,” Zhan Jie ruffled his sister’s hair. “Don’t worry, your brother’s got your back.”
Zhan Xi smiled, feeling grateful for having such a supportive older brother.
As the siblings walked into the courtyard, Aunt Chi Guixian was sunbathing outside. When she saw them, she called out, “Sister! Jie and Huanhuan are here!”
The house was more lively than expected. The living room was filled with over a dozen relatives, both familiar and unfamiliar to Zhan Xi. Men and women, young and old, they were all there to attend Yin Li’s engagement ceremony the next day and had come for dinner.
Chi Guilan didn’t come out to greet them. She didn’t even look at her children, turning straight to the kitchen instead.
Zhan Qiang greeted his children, and Zhan Jie pulled his father aside to the bedroom, presumably to discuss Luo Jingyu’s situation.
Chi Guixian’s daughter Duoduo, two years younger than Zhan Xi and still in university, cheerfully called out, “Huanhuan jie! I haven’t seen you in so long!”
“Yes, not since after Spring Festival,” Zhan Xi greeted her.
Chi Guixian held onto Zhan Xi and asked quietly, “Huanhuan, I heard you were hospitalized? Are you okay?”
Zhan Xi had always been close to her aunt and replied, “I’m fine now, just stayed one night in the hospital.”
“Is your boyfriend… here?” Chi Guixian lowered her voice further. “That night, Jie told your mom and me everything, but your mom told me not to spread it, so I kept quiet.”
Zhan Xi said, “He’s here, staying at a hotel.”
Chi Guixian found this situation difficult: “Huanhuan, do you really want to date that young man? Your mom says she can’t sleep at night because of this. I don’t understand either – you’re such a good girl, why would you want to date someone who’s deaf and mute?”
Zhan Xi smiled and said, “Because he’s a wonderful person.”
“But he…” Chi Guixian muttered, “Jie said his job is good, the income is decent and he has his own place, but being deaf is really… aren’t you afraid of what people will say?”
“No,” Zhan Xi shook her head. “My boyfriend and I have many friends in Qiantang. Everyone who knows him thinks highly of him. If relatives here are prejudiced, I can’t help that. They can gossip all they want – I’ll just visit less often. This life is for me and him to live, not for my mom or for relatives.”
Chi Guixian was troubled: “But…”
“Guixian, what are you two whispering about?” a sudden voice made Chi Guixian jump. She and Zhan Xi turned around.
It was her uncle’s wife, sitting with two other female relatives and eating sunflower seeds. She smiled at Zhan Xi and asked, “Huanhuan, your mom says you have a boyfriend. Why didn’t you bring him home?”
The relationship between the uncle’s wife and Chi Guilan had always been superficial.
She had a son and prided herself on being the only one who could continue the Chi family line. Unfortunately, her son wasn’t good at studies, couldn’t even get into high school, and only attended technical school. After graduation, he worked odd jobs, got a girlfriend, and came home demanding his parents buy him a house in Tongxian County for marriage, just like how Second Aunt bought Zhan Jie’s cousin a house in Qiantang.
Her uncle was irresponsible and had spent all their father’s inheritance on drinking and gambling. They had no money to buy a house and had even borrowed money from Chi Guilan. Chi Guilan lent them 20,000 yuan but told everyone about it, which embarrassed the uncle’s wife and made her angry. She was always looking for opportunities to see Chi Guilan fail.
Zhan Jie’s divorce had already given her schadenfreude, and Chi Guilan’s state after returning from Qiantang last time made her even more curious.
During that time, Chi Guilan was extremely angry, complaining to everyone about her daughter being inconsiderate, unfilial, and stupid, yet refusing to give specific reasons. The uncle’s wife asked Chi Guixian, but she was vague and evasive.
People speculated that perhaps Zhan Xi had found a boyfriend with poor circumstances.
This was quite surprising! After all, Chi Guilan had always boasted that her daughter would marry into an excellent family.
The uncle’s wife looked at Zhan Xi, waiting for her answer. Before Zhan Xi could speak, Chi Guilan rushed out from the kitchen, shouting, “How dare she bring him back?!”
Everyone looked at her. The uncle’s wife asked sarcastically, “Why wouldn’t she dare? Huanhuan’s boyfriend must be as excellent as she is. We’ve been waiting to see this golden son-in-law!”
Chi Guilan stared coldly at her daughter from afar, “Let her tell you herself what kind of person she found. I’m too ashamed to say it. This is ridiculous! Going to university has made her lose her mind. Finding someone like that – I’m embarrassed for her!”
Chi Guixian stammered, “Sister, don’t say that…”
“Shut up!” Facing many relatives, Chi Guilan felt great release in venting. She looked at Zhan Xi again, “You keep telling me I’m too controlling, that you want to make your own decisions, that you’re not a child anymore, that I don’t understand what you really want. You’re right – I don’t understand! How could I understand? Finding a man like that – I couldn’t understand even with three heads!”
Zhan Xi calmly watched her mother. Her tone hadn’t changed in decades. How strange – why hadn’t she noticed the problem before?
The uncle’s wife grew more excited, stopped eating sunflower seeds, and asked, “Sister Guilan, don’t be angry. What’s going on? Tell us about it – what kind of boyfriend did Huanhuan find?”
Chi Guilan sneered, “I told you, I’m too ashamed to say it! If you want to know, ask her! She doesn’t even dare bring him home – let’s see if she can say it!”
The uncle’s wife’s eyes gleamed as she looked at Zhan Xi: “Huanhuan? Your boyfriend… hmm?”
Zhan Xi: “…”
Zhan Qiang and Zhan Jie had just come out of the room to see the tense atmosphere in the living room. Zhan Jie’s forehead tensed, guessing that his mother had started firing, and was about to intervene when he heard Zhan Xi’s voice.
His young sister stood in the living room, with her troubled aunt beside her. Zhan Xi looked at Chi Guilan, then at the uncle’s wife, her gaze sweeping across everyone. When she spoke, her tone was completely steady:
“Yes, I have a boyfriend. He’s twenty-seven, from Qiantang, an artist, very talented. He’s an extremely good person, very considerate towards me, serious about his work, a kind and honest man. He’s about 1.85-1.86 meters tall, has his own place in Qiantang – 140 square meters, and makes about 400,000 yuan a year.”
The uncle’s wife and other relatives: “…”
Duoduo looked envious: “Wow!”
“Hmm…” Zhan Xi smiled slightly, “The part my mom finds unspeakable is probably… that my boyfriend is deaf. He can’t hear sounds, doesn’t speak, and I communicate with him using sign language.”
She just said it like that?!
Chi Guilan glared at her daughter, thinking of the sign language books she’d seen in Zhan Xi’s room, wishing she could go back and tear them to pieces.
The uncle’s wife and other relatives opened their eyes wide in surprise, their lips slightly parted.
They were shocked both by Zhan Xi’s deaf-mute boyfriend and by her current attitude – so calm, not only unashamed but seemingly proud.
Zhan Xi looked at Chi Guilan: “Mom, I don’t understand what’s so unspeakable about this. My boyfriend is an excellent person, and I really like him. Brother knows, Dad knows, they both accept him. You don’t know him at all – why do you reject him without even giving him a chance?”
“I will never accept him!” Chi Guilan shouted in angry embarrassment. “I’ve told you, if you choose him, you no longer have me as your mother! I’d rather die than agree to you being together!”
Chi Guixian went to pull her: “Sister, that young man is actually…”
“Shut up!” Chi Guilan glared at her. “I’m disciplining my daughter – what’s it to you?!”
Chi Guixian didn’t dare speak anymore. Duoduo was upset and pulled her mother aside, whispering, “Mom, don’t mind Aunt, her mind has always been sick.”
Chi Guilan slowly walked up to Zhan Xi, looking at her like a stranger. Yet Zhan Xi felt the same way – this woman who had once been so close to her, whom she had depended on so much, her own mother, now seemed like a stranger.
Chi Guilan’s voice trembled: “From your birth until now, twenty years, how much has your mother done for you? How much effort have I put into raising you? Was I wrong to tell you to choose your friends carefully? Was I wrong to encourage you to pursue graduate school and civil service exams? Was I wrong to hope you’d find a decent and stable job? Was I wrong to want you to find a good match for marriage, someone who wouldn’t look down on you?!”
The living room was silent except for Chi Guilan’s aging voice. “Is this how you repay your mother? Finding a deaf-mute person – you just want to anger me to death, don’t you? You think I’ve lived too long, you want me to die early, don’t you?”
Zhan Xi increasingly admired herself for not panicking at all in this situation. Mom’s arguments were always the same few lines – they sounded well-intentioned at first glance, enough to fool those who didn’t know the details behind them.
But this time, Zhan Xi no longer wanted to maintain a facade. She said, “You didn’t encourage me to choose friends carefully – you completely interfered with how I made friends. You read my diary, searched my schoolbag, checked my phone. Anyone you didn’t like, you wouldn’t let me associate with them, regardless of whether they would be hurt by your actions. You would throw tantrums, make scenes at school, go to people’s homes, harass my boss on the phone, not caring how I would continue in my class or company afterward.”
Chi Guilan shouted, “I did it for your own good! You were still young then – I was afraid you’d make bad friends!”
“For my own good?” Zhan Xi laughed bitterly. “Mom, do you know how lonely and miserable I was in middle school? I had no friends at all – no one dared to play with me because they all knew I had a weird mom, a mom who would rush to school to complain at any moment.”
Chi Guilan tried to interrupt: “I…”
“Let me finish!” Zhan Xi didn’t give her a chance. “Since everyone’s here, let’s hear about all your ‘good intentions’! You weren’t encouraging me to pursue graduate school and civil service exams – you were ordering me to. If I didn’t, it was as if I had committed some great sin. You wanted me to find a stable and decent job, but all you cared about was your own face. One phone call to my boss destroyed half a year of my hard work – I’ll remember that forever! You still don’t know what major I really wanted to study, what work I really wanted to do! In your view, as long as it’s an iron rice bowl, even if I’m just sitting at a desk reading newspapers and drinking tea all day, it’s good, right?”
Listening to this, Duoduo looked at Zhan Xi with sympathy.
She only remembered that growing up, everyone used Zhan Xi as an example for her. How proud her aunt was when talking about her daughter! She had countless times instructed Chi Guixian on how to control her daughter. Thank heavens her mom didn’t listen – Huanhuan jie’s life sounded terrifying.
Zhan Xi stared at Chi Guilan. She didn’t know when she had become so much taller than her mother. Before, she had to look up, but now she felt like she was looking down. Maybe it was because Chi Guilan had aged – people become hunched when they get old.
“Mom, I really don’t want to argue with you, but I don’t know how to communicate with you,” Zhan Xi said. “No one can choose their birth, can’t choose their parents. I’m like this, my boyfriend is like this – he didn’t even have the chance to choose whether his ears could hear.”
Zhan Xi changed her tone, “But that’s okay. Our lives are our own, not our parents’, not our siblings’. My life isn’t yours, isn’t my boyfriend’s. Everything I do now, every word I say, is my own decision. Whatever the consequences, good or bad, I’ll bear them myself.”
“My boyfriend’s life has been very hard, but he never gave up. He’s very resilient, very clear-minded, very hardworking, and I’ve learned a lot from him.” Thinking of Luo Jingyu gave Zhan Xi strength. “I’ve met his family – they’re all very easy to get along with, very respectful of him, very understanding, supporting him in pursuing his dreams, understanding his every decision.”
Zhan Xi glanced at Zhan Qiang and Zhan Jie, then looked back at Chi Guilan’s face. “Mom, when can our relationship become like that? Like my boyfriend’s relationship with his parents? Where I can calmly tell you about my dreams, my plans, interesting things in my life, where I went with friends, what I ate, what movies I watched, what clothes I bought, what color I dyed my hair. When I encounter unhappiness, I can come to you and cry, and you comfort me, saying it’s okay, mom’s here, no matter what difficulties you face outside, mom will always support you.”
At this point, Zhan Xi let out a deep sigh and shook her head, “But that’s impossible. That’s other people’s mothers and children. Big Aunt and Lili are like that, Aunt and Duoduo are like that, Qin Fei and her mom are like that, many of my friends and their moms are like that, but not me.”
Zhan Xi’s volume suddenly increased, and her speech quickened, “You know what? I never dare to tell you my dreams! Because you reject them all! You don’t even give me a chance to explain! I don’t dare tell you about my life, don’t dare tell you who my friends are, what I’ve done! You never see the good things, you only see the bad! KTV is too chaotic to go to, noodle restaurants are too dirty! Watching movies is a waste of time – better study for civil service exams! Want to travel with friends? That’s dreaming! Can only go with you, and only on senior tours! The dress can’t be too short, the neckline can’t be too low, or people will think I’m not a proper girl! How dare I dye my hair? Last time I dyed it coffee color, you scolded me for so long! How dare I come to you with my troubles? You say it’s all my own fault, who told me not to listen to mom, if I don’t do this or that, I wouldn’t encounter these things! If I just quietly study, take exams, get married and have children, how would I encounter these things?”
Chi Guilan looked at her, her face turning blue, her lips trembling.
Duoduo silently rolled her eyes.
Zhan Jie’s expression was gloomy. He could empathize with Zhan Xi the most, but maybe because he was male, he had never noticed this problem before, thinking his distance from his mother was just because he had grown up.
Zhan Xi laughed slightly, still looking at Chi Guilan: “Do you remember when was the last time I had a heart-to-heart talk with you? Must have been years ago. You don’t think my recent visits home were heart-to-heart talks, do you? Let me tell you, I was lying the whole time!”
Zhan Xi felt extremely liberated – these were her true feelings. “When I face you, I only want to lie! Can only lie! Haven’t thought about having a real conversation with you for so long! Family, parents! Should be children’s most relaxing, most dependable place, somewhere to rest when tired from the outside world! But because you’re here, for me this is the most oppressive, most suffocating place! Isn’t it sad that we’ve become like this as mother and daughter? I don’t deny that you love me, I’m grateful for your nurturing and education. I’ll repay you with money in your old age, but if you want me to repay you with my entire life, to listen to you in everything – I’m sorry! I can’t do it.”
“Slap!” A crisp sound rang out, and Zhan Xi’s head turned to one side as Chi Guilan slapped her again.
Chi Guilan was shaking with anger and was about to slap her again when her wrist was caught. She turned to see her husband, Zhan Qiang.
Zhan Jie also quickly pulled Zhan Xi away from their mother’s attack range, looking coldly at his parents.
“Is this what you call being good to Huanhuan?” Zhan Qiang glared at Chi Guilan, tears flashing in his eyes as he forcefully threw her hand aside. “You hit her until she got a concussion and was hospitalized, and now you want to hit her again? What exactly did she do wrong? Tell me, which of those words she just said was wrong?”
Chi Guilan looked at him in shock.
“Our whole family has been tolerating you for decades, thinking about your good points – hardworking, thrifty, filial – I have nothing to say about that,” Zhan Qiang’s voice trembled. “Everything at home is decided by you. I accepted it, my mother accepted it, even Jie accepted it and divorced Qin Fei as you wished. Now there’s only Huanhuan left – can’t you let her be? She’s young! She’s only twenty! She has such a long life ahead! This isn’t just about her finding a partner anymore. You, as a mother, everything you do is driving our children away. What are you trying to achieve? Will you be happy when Jie and Huanhuan don’t want to come home anymore?”
Chi Guilan trembled and asked, “Old Zhan, you agree to Huanhuan marrying a deaf-mute?”
“I wish I were deaf-mute myself!” Zhan Qiang roared.
“I even envy my mother’s hearing loss so she can’t hear your constant nagging! Even if you don’t like that young man, at least look at him first, understand what kind of person he is, whether he’s good or bad – you have to see for yourself to know!”
Zhan Qiang pointed at Zhan Xi, “Huanhuan is my daughter, I understand her. She’s not someone who would casually choose a boyfriend! If she likes that young man, and Jie says he’s a good person, it means he must have his merits. You just keep fixating on his deafness! It was the same with Qin Fei before – she was clearly a good person but you couldn’t see it, just kept picking at her flaws! You only see what you want to see, only want us all to follow your wishes, thinking whatever you say is right and not listening is wrong! Let me tell you, Chi Guilan, Huanhuan has done nothing wrong. Her only mistake was being born into our family, having us as parents. If she had been born to another family, who knows what an outstanding girl she might have been!”
Chi Guilan’s body shook violently.
She looked at Zhan Jie and Zhan Xi again, her eyes dazed. The words from her daughter and husband had deeply shocked her, but she hadn’t processed them yet. She didn’t feel she had done anything wrong, only that everyone was criticizing her, saying she was wrong, but what exactly had she done wrong? She had given everything for this family and her children!
While their family was having this internal conflict, other relatives hadn’t dared to speak. Now that the atmosphere had quieted, an elderly uncle a few years older than Chi Guilan spoke up solemnly: “Guilan, children have their own fortune. We’re all getting old – you need to learn to let go and let them find their own way.”
Another aunt cautiously came over to persuade her: “Guilan, Huanhuan’s boyfriend’s conditions sound quite good. Just take a look first – a young man who can earn 400,000 a year even though he’s deaf is really impressive!”
Once someone started, many joined in: “Huanhuan is already very outstanding. Don’t demand too much from her, don’t push too hard.” “Guilan, this isn’t such a big deal. It’s just dating – whether the young man is good or not, you’ll know after meeting him.” “Alright, alright, it’s nothing. Tomorrow is Lili’s engagement. Everyone should be happy, don’t make things like this.” “An artist! 1.86 meters? Wow, I really want to meet Huanhuan jie’s boyfriend!” “Guilan, you need to change your temperament. You’re sixty years old – how many good years do we have left? The children have their own lives. You’ve been too strict with Huanhuan since she was little. We couldn’t say anything then, but now Huanhuan is grown and speaking up herself – don’t you understand?”
Amidst all the persuasion, the uncle’s wife added: “But he’s deaf and mute, he’s disabled. I still think it’s not reliable.”
Everyone felt awkward, and Chi Guilan’s face immediately darkened again.
Zhan Jie said to his aunt: “What’s not reliable? Is he less reliable than your son? Aunt, when your son goes to Qiantang and buys a house as big as my sister’s boyfriend’s, when his annual salary matches his, then you can come back and say this, okay?”
The uncle’s wife: “…”
She was so angry she didn’t want to eat anymore and left immediately.
Other relatives probably felt they couldn’t continue with dinner either, and after a few words of persuasion to Chi Guilan, they all left. Chi Guixian left with her husband and daughter too. Soon, only the family of four remained in the living room.
Zhan Xi’s face was still a bit red, but being slapped only once was much better than she had expected.
She said to Zhan Jie: “Brother, I’m going to the hotel to find Little Yu. Tomorrow we’ll return to Qiantang together. You can bring in the things he bought for the family later. We won’t be coming back.”
Zhan Jie asked: “Are you still going to Lili’s engagement ceremony tomorrow?”
Zhan Xi shook her head.
As she picked up her bag and walked towards the door, Chi Guilan suddenly shouted: “Where are you going?!”
Zhan Xi turned back to look at her, calmly answering: “To find my boyfriend. He’s in town. He originally wanted to come visit you all, but now… forget it.”
Chi Guilan: “…”
She moved her lips but said nothing. Zhan Xi turned and walked out.
She was almost suffocating and couldn’t stay another second. She desperately wanted to find her oxygen tank.
All the beautiful things she couldn’t get in this home – peace of mind, joy and ease, tolerance and understanding, trust and encouragement… all the wonderful words she could think of, she could find them all with him.
Luo Jingyu was drawing at his desk when his phone vibrated. He saw Zhan Xi’s WeChat message: [Little Yu, open the door.]
He ran to open it in three quick steps, but froze when he saw Zhan Xi standing at the door crying uncontrollably, gasping for breath between sobs.
Actually, there was no winner or loser in her battle with her mother. She could even be considered the victor – everyone had spoken up for her. Her brother helped her, her father helped her, the relatives all helped her, but she still felt so sad, so very sad.
Saying all those years of suppressed grievances in front of so many people, thinking of all her lost dreams, the school she wanted to attend but couldn’t, the major she wanted to study but couldn’t, the job she wanted to do but couldn’t… Perhaps only that so-called “first love” that ended before it began was a good thing – missing out on someone unsuitable allowed her to meet Luo Jingyu years later.
Luo Jingyu pulled Zhan Xi into the room, closed the door, and immediately held her in his arms.
His Huanhuan must have suffered greatly, or she wouldn’t be crying so bitterly. Luo Jingyu’s heart ached terribly. Unable to speak words of comfort, he could only hold her tightly, kiss her hair, kiss her forehead, kiss her tear-filled eyes.
He tasted the saltiness of her tears, his throat tightening. Still, he couldn’t help but call out her name, wanting to say “Huanhuan don’t cry,” but all that came out was: “Hua… hua… bo… bo…”
Zhan Xi leaned against his chest, listening to his familiar voice, his struggling, unclear words, and her tears flowed even more strongly.
She thought, let it be this way. She had made things very clear with her mother, and all the relatives knew now. There was nothing to be ashamed of.
She loved Luo Jingyu, and Luo Jingyu loved her – what did it matter what others thought?
It was wonderful – she no longer needed to hide like before. If her mother couldn’t accept it, so be it. If relatives wanted to gossip, let them. What did it matter if they didn’t want to understand Luo Jingyu?
It didn’t matter at all!
She was no longer a pretty, obedient puppet. All those strings that had controlled her body had been cut, one by one, by this man beside her.
She had long since been free.
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