Not long after the farewell dinner, Ruan Mingke suddenly returned from the northwest, though he didn’t say what the specific reason was. Ruan Mian only remembered that during that time, her father had shut himself in the study all day and all night.
One night, she couldn’t fall asleep because of the heavy rain outside, so she got up to get water in the living room. But she discovered the study door was slightly ajar. Ruan Mingke stood in front of the window, his lonely and desolate silhouette outlined against it. The desk was strewn with a pile of still-smoldering cigarette butts, smoke coiling around the room with a choking, smoky smell.
Perhaps hearing the movement outside, Ruan Mingke turned to look over. Seeing Ruan Mian, he put out the cigarette in his hand and walked over unhurriedly, “Why are you still not asleep so late?”
“Can’t sleep.”
Ruan Mian looked at the white hairs mixed in her father’s temples, blinking once as she asked, “Dad, are you…”
What was it?
She couldn’t say.
“Dad’s fine, don’t worry.”
Ruan Mingke closed the study door, putting an arm around Ruan Mian’s shoulders as they walked to the living room. “Since you can’t sleep, why don’t you chat with your dad for a bit.”
Ruan Mian sat down with her father in the living room. On the coffee table were the tea sets Ruan Mingke liked to play with when he was home. He turned on the lights and started preparing tea in the dead of night.
The fragrance quickly suffused the air amidst the rolling boil of hot water.
Ruan Mian pulled over a cushion and sat cross-legged on the floor. She didn’t share her father’s leisurely interest. The few times Ruan Mingke had asked her to evaluate the tea, she could only come up with the dry words of “tastes good”. Occasionally she would scrape together some evaluations from her vocabulary that sounded quite plausible, yet Ruan Mingke would just laugh and shake his head without saying much.
Ruan Mian took a sip of the hot tea, listening to Ruan Mingke chat about the land and people of the northwest. Their project team was built near the desert. Sandstorms raged every day, and nighttime temperatures plummeted sharply. The Milky Way hung low in the sky, seemingly within arm’s reach.
After talking for over half an hour, Ruan Mingke asked about what had happened in Ruan Mian’s life the past two years.
“Nothing much in particular.”
Ruan Mian set her teacup down. “Just studying and taking exams. I joined the school’s physics competition class in the second half of 10th grade and got second place, then it was the college entrance exam.”
Ruan Mingke gave a laugh. “It can’t have just been studying every day right? There must have been new friends, our outstanding Ruan Mian must have had quite a few friends around her?”
Hugging her knees, Ruan Mian rubbed her nose a bit shyly. “I don’t know many people, but it seems a lot know me.”
She thought of the autograph books classmates had written in on the day of the gaokao. One after another after another.
Rain pattered against the window glass outside. Amidst the lingering tea fragrance in the room, there was a photo on the side table of the three of them from three years ago at the gates of No.6 Middle School.
Following Ruan Mian’s line of sight, Ruan Mingke picked up the photo with a smile and casually asked, “So our Ruan Mian was quite popular at school? Were there people who liked you?”
Ruan Mian clearly hadn’t expected her father to ask this. Her face immediately turned red as she stammered, not knowing how to respond.
Having gone through the same age himself, Ruan Mingke understood it all. He gave a gentle smile. “So there was?”
With her chin propped on her knees, Ruan Mian said softly, “I’m the one who likes someone else.”
Ruan Mingke set the photo down and looked up at her. “Can you tell Dad what kind of boy he is?”
Ruan Mian was silent for a while before speaking. “He’s an outstanding boy. I like him, but he’s never known.”
Ruan Mingke’s right eyebrow quirked up slightly, his habitual expression when surprised. “So it’s a crush.”
The deep of night was a catalyst for emotions. It tore open a small hole in those vague girlhood feelings, slowly lifting the veil for others to see.
Ruan Mian told Ruan Mingke a lot.
From meeting him and developing feelings, the sorrow and heartache, her efforts to get him to notice her, choosing to join the competition class because of him, and the opportunity she inadvertently lost because of him.
To their separation now.
Over 700 days and nights recounted in just tens of minutes. It seemed especially insubstantial and insignificant compared to the lengthy road of life ahead, where she was likely just a passing traveler in his life, soon to be buried and forgotten in the river of time.
The father and daughter talked until midnight.
Ruan Mingke didn’t criticize Ruan Mian’s crush too much. He just told her that time would wear some things away but also change some matters. Perhaps one day in the future, their paths would cross again for new stories.
Perhaps she would meet someone new and have a new life, but no one could predict what laid ahead now.
Some days later, Ruan Mingke started frequently coming home late and leaving early. There were also occasional visitors to the house that he told Ruan Mian not to worry about when she asked.
And so Ruan Mian waited for her gaokao results with worries about her father weighing on her mind.
That year’s gaokao had relatively simple science questions in their province, but the language portion upheld the province’s reputation as the most difficult nationwide, leading to lower scores for many students.
No one from No.8 Middle got the top provincial score. The batch of students the school had high hopes for didn’t perform as well as usual either.
Ruan Mian’s total score was 683, crossing the first-tier university cutoff line by over 100 points. She ranked 39th in the province, but this was still around 10 points lower than she had expected and only 2 points above the cutoff for her desired university.
However, it was already a very good result. That weekend when Ruan Mian went to school to pick up application guides, Teacher Zhou Hai gave her info on some other schools to consider as well.
“Thank you Teacher Zhou.”
It was already midsummer at that time. After chatting with Zhou Hai in his office for a bit, Ruan Mian ran into three classmates from her year downstairs in the cool shade. The four of them chatted there.
Summer winds always carried an indelible sultriness. After a while, Ruan Mian parted from them and walked past the bustling basketball court by the roadside. She stood there watching for a very long time.
In the days that followed, Ruan Mian received many messages from family, friends, and classmates. Far too many.
The night before filling out university preferences, Ruan Mian ate out with her parents. After the divorce, Ruan Mingke and Fang Ruqing’s relationship had actually become much more harmonious. Regarding their daughter’s preferences, they both maintained a hands-off approach.
Ruan Mian only wanted that one school, so her first and second preferences were the same university. The remaining spots were left empty.
While waiting for the admission results, Aunt Zhou Xiujun wanted to return to the countryside, so Ruan Mian accompanied the elderly woman there for a period of time.
During those days, Ruan Mian turned off her phone. She slept until she naturally woke up, taught Ruan Jun lessons after lunch, and occasionally went for walks in the evening, but more often just stayed in the yard to eat watermelon and watch the moon, spending her time in a relaxed and comfortable way.
It wasn’t until results day when Fang Ruqing got through on the house phone that Ruan Mian was jolted out of her daze, recalling this matter. She hung up and dug out her exam permit from her bag, running over to Ruan Jun’s place to log in to the gaokao admission website on the computer.
Fang Ruqing called once every 10 minutes. On the fourth call, Ruan Mian told her she had slipped down the ranks and wasn’t admitted to Q University’s School of Biological Sciences.
The call was silent for a few seconds before Fang Ruqing spoke. “Well that’s fine, you still have your second preference right?”
Ruan Mian closed the results page and got up to leave, taking a light breath before responding, “I’m sorry Mom, my first and second preferences were the same school.”
Fang Ruqing hung up.
Later that night, Ruan Mian received a call from Ruan Mingke. Having heard about his daughter’s fail with a score of 683 from an irate Fang Ruqing, Ruan Mingke was surprised but not entirely unable to understand.
“Your mother has always cared more about these things, so your failure to get in is probably a bigger blow to her. She’ll be better after some time.”
Ruan Mingke asked, “So what are your plans now?”
“Retake a year.”
“Was that decided long ago?”
Ruan Mian gave an “Mm”, raising her head to look at the moon in the sky. “I’m sorry Dad for letting you both down, but I don’t want to leave myself with regrets.”
“It’s alright, it’s your life so you get to decide how to live it. Your mother and I can’t accompany you for your whole life. I’ll handle things on her end.”
Ruan Mingke said, “No matter what, your dad hopes you can live your life without regrets and strive for the best future.”
“Mm.”
Ruan Mian’s failure to get in quickly became known by Zhou Hai and several close friends. She also gradually received news of her friends getting admitted to universities.
Liang Yiran went to F University. Meng Xinglan and Jiang Rang got into the same school’s J University in the same city. Shen Yu enrolled in the military academy. And not long ago, Chen Yi also received official admission from the University of California.
They felt regret yet understanding regarding Ruan Mian’s result.
One day in August, Ruan Mian learned from Meng Xinglan that Chen Yi’s farewell dinner would be in three days. She asked on QQ if Ruan Mian was attending.
By then, Ruan Mian had already started attending No.6 Middle’s repeat year class and told Meng Xinglan she had classes that day so likely wouldn’t have time.
Meng Xinglan didn’t say more, quickly switching topics.
That weekend, Ruan Mian returned to West Pingjiang Alley to move some things from there back to her home in Nanhu Gardens.
Li Zhi had gotten his driver’s license over the summer break and helped her move things in his car. Ruan Mian treated him to dinner at the BBQ stall downstairs in her complex.
The summer night breeze carried an indistinct coolness.
After slapping dead his third mosquito since sitting down, Li Zhi picked up his drink from the table and took a sip. “Why didn’t you stay at No.8 to repeat the year there?”
Ruan Mian gave a laugh in return. “What, No.6 isn’t good?”
Li Zhi also laughed. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
Ruan Mian lowered her gaze, pondering for a bit before speaking. “No.8 is beautiful memories for me. I spent the two most memorable years of my life there. I hope it stays like that.”
She raised her head to look at the neon lights in the distance, murmuring softly, “Frozen at that best moment in time.”
Li Zhi gave a light shrug. “I see.”
Ruan Mian drew her gaze back, looking at him for a few seconds, then raised her glass towards him. “You’ve really helped me a lot these past two years. I don’t even know how to express it properly, and I don’t know what happened to you in the past. I just wish that, on the premise of staying safe and sound, you can live a little happier.”
Li Zhi’s expression froze for a moment, but he quickly turned his head with a laugh, clinking his glass lightly against hers. The collision of glass rang clear in the air.
He said, “Then I hope we can both live a little happier.”
It was August 17, 2010. The 17-year-old Ruan Mian embarked on a new life belonging only to “Ruan Mian”.
That repeat year wasn’t actually too tough for Ruan Mian. Days of exams blurred one into the next accompanied by the oft-seen moon through many lengthy nights.
That year also saw many events happen. It was only then Ruan Mian learned that the time Ruan Mingke had been home after her gaokao was because issues had come up with his project team. As one of the main leads, he had been ordered by higher-ups to temporarily halt all duties and barely avoided prison.
Although the situation was later investigated clearly and Ruan Mingke returned to the project team, Ruan Mian still felt lingering fear when thinking back on it afterwards.
Zhao Yingwei’s business finally started taking off in Spring Festival 2011. He opened a small company in Ping City. Fang Ruqing’s foreign trade company had a dramatic turnaround with the batch of veteran employees who stayed receiving commendations. Fang Ruqing was also promoted to department supervisor.
Zhao Shutang tested into Z University in the south, only coming back once each semester break. The discord between Duan Ying and Fang Ruqing still showed no signs of easing. Whenever Ruan Mian returned home on weekends, she could often run into their heated arguments.
At these times, she would take Zhao Shuyang out to walk the streets and alleyways. Growing up constantly in the shadow of elders arguing could greatly impact a child’s personality and psyche.
It would likely lead to nothing good, whether inferiority or rebellion.
Later on, Zhao Yingwei probably also felt his own mother was being too unreasonable. He purchased a small second-hand home in Ping City and moved there with Fang Ruqing and Zhao Shuyang.
Duan Ying didn’t eat or drink for days, crying and shouting at home about raising an unfilial and an ungrateful person. It was a difficult time for all three of them.
Ruan Mian wished to help but was powerless. Fang Ruqing also told her not to get involved.
And so in the blink of an eye, another year arrived at the solar term Lidong1.
No. 6 Middle School only opened 6 repeat classes last year – 5 science classes and 1 liberal arts class. The students in the classes were all top students from the previous year’s gaokao who missed the cutoff for first-tier universities or were close, but ended up failing for various reasons. The competition pressure was also not small.
Ruan Mian remembered the student with the highest score at the time was a boy named He Zezhou. He had scored 693 on the gaokao and was already admitted to Z University, but after going for a month, he suddenly dropped out for some reason and came to repeat at No. 6 Middle School.
At that time, his dropout had caused quite a stir. His parents even chased him to No. 6 and beat and scolded him, demanding that he go back to re-enroll, but no matter what, he stubbornly refused to leave until he finally got his parents to compromise by threatening to end his life.
However, he and Ruan Mian were not in the same class at the time, only getting to know each other after the gaokao.
Repeat students had gone through the gaokao process once already. Going through it again felt somewhat surreal. On the day of the medical exam for the gaokao, a girl in Ruan Mian’s class fainted during the blood draw. She nearly passed out from the needle, giving the teachers and classmates a huge scare.
After that was a period of chaos. 10 days before the gaokao, No. 6 Middle gave time off. The graduating students let loose wildly for a time before spontaneously starting a group singalong on their own initiative.
Ruan Mian’s home was right across from the school. Hugging a stack of books, she stepped over the shredded paper on the ground and left school to the chorus of “Today only the empty shell remains to welcome the glorious years, after a lifetime of struggling wanderings, confidence can change the future.”
Later when she recalled this memory, all she could remember about that day was the beautiful sunset.
The two days of the gaokao, Fang Ruqing specially took time off to keep Ruan Mian company on the Nanhu residential side for the exam. Ruan Mian was assigned to take the exam at No. 6 Middle again this time.
The previous exam seemed to still be before her eyes. Fang Ruqing felt having Ruan Mian assigned to No. 6 Middle again was inauspicious, so she lit incense at home for two days straight.
In contrast, Ruan Mian was very calm, even feeling much more relaxed than last time. After finishing the last English paper, she felt she had probably done decently well this time.
That night, there was no end-of-class banquet organized in her class. Ruan Mian went home, showered, then immediately went to bed, but suddenly woke up in the middle of the night.
She got up and took the notebook she hadn’t written anything new in for almost a year out of the drawer. Sitting at her desk, she flipped through it.
08.16.2008
Chen Yi, standing tall amidst the floating scenery, a towering figure that can pluck the stars.
08.31.2008 What’s going on?
10.08.2008
Embarrassing.
11.15.2008 Got first place.
11.26.2008 Group photo.
01.10.2009 Happy New Year.
01.20.2009 Seeing him every year as we grow older.
02.19.2009 Joined the same competition class as him.
09.01.2009 He’s going abroad.
01.20.2010 I don’t want to like him anymore.
Outside the window, night enshrouded everything. This year, Pingcheng had constructed several more high-rise commercial buildings. In the summer, many unfamiliar faces had poured in. Layers upon layers of lit windows in the tall buildings dotted the dark night.
And this year, it seemed Ruan Mian had gained little related to Chen Yi, with only this one thing left.
She picked up her pen and wrote down this sole remaining matter on a new page.
06.08.2011
I secretly liked him for another year without anyone knowing.
Ruan Mian found out her gaokao score a few days earlier than other exam takers that year because she was the provincial science stream valedictorian, with a total score of 714.
The admissions offices of Tsinghua and Peking University followed up right after, along with Ruan Mian’s hoped for B City Medical University 8-year clinical medicine program, jointly recruited and trained with Q University. She had regretfully missed the cutoff last year, but this year was admitted in the early batch, becoming the much talked about female valedictorian of the time.
After registering her choices, Ruan Mian rejected all media interview requests and spent over half a month traveling in the northwestern deserts.
During this time, Ruan Mingke’s project team finished up their final work. He and Ruan Mian flew back to Pingcheng together. On the plane, father and daughter chatted about last year’s matters.
Jokingly, Ruan Mian said, “If not for the competition loss last year, maybe in the future I would have done the same kind of work as Dad.”
Ruan Mingke laughed. “Then why didn’t you continue studying physics later on?”
Ruan Mian turned and glanced out the window at the blue skies and white clouds, somewhat embarrassed as she said, “I actually don’t really like physics that much.”
Recalling the late night conversation with his daughter last year, Ruan Mingke understood in his heart. He closed the book in his hands. “When one is trapped in a certain situation, it’s difficult to make rational choices. Sometimes you can analyze rationally, but your thoughts and actions can’t be completely aligned. Dad can understand the decision you made at the time, so you don’t need to blame yourself.”
Ruan Mian said, “Then what if I said I was probably unconsciously affected to a small extent during last year’s gaokao? Would Dad feel I was being too emotional?”
Ruan Mingke didn’t seem surprised at all. Gentle in tone, he said, “Among all the people I’ve met so far, I haven’t seen anyone capable of absolute rationality. Perhaps such people exist in this world, but it’s impossible for everyone to achieve this. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be considered one of mankind’s weaknesses.”
“In any case, that’s all in the past now. You’ve also started to look ahead, right?”
Ruan Mian smiled relievedly. “Mm, thank you Dad.”
Ruan Mingke stroked her head and casually asked, “Have you spoken to your mom about these things?”
“…No.”
Ruan Mingke nodded, but didn’t say anything more, only turning his head with a long sigh where his daughter couldn’t see.
After returning to Pingcheng, Ruan Mian rested at home for over half a month.
That summer vacation, Meng Xinglan and Jiang Rang participated in a school competition and stayed on campus to prepare.
Ruan Mian didn’t get to see her.
In a flash, over half the summer break had gone by. On a summer day, Ruan Mian received her Q University admission notice. She went back to No. 8 Middle in the evening.
The third years had already started school. Zhou Hai was teaching the graduates again this year. When Ruan Mian went over, he was grading papers in the office.
Ruan Mian chatted with him in the office for over an hour. Right before leaving, Zhou Hai suddenly recalled something. He called for her to stop, then took out a red envelope from the drawer, counted some cash to put inside, and said, “I promised your batch I would give a red envelope2 based on your gaokao scores. I wanted to give you one last year, but didn’t expect you chose to repeat. And this year, you went and got valedictorian.”
Ruan Mian blanked for a moment, eyes heating up a little.
Zhou Hai got up and stuffed the red envelope into her hands. “You’re a good student. Teacher believes you will certainly accomplish great things in the future.”
Clutching the red envelope, Ruan Mian said, “Thank you, Teacher Zhou.”
“Alright, if there’s nothing else, go back early. I need to get to class too.”
Zhou Hai said, “Come by often if you have time to see your teacher!”
Ruan Mian nodded. “I definitely will.”
Zhou Hai waved his hand. “Go on.”
After leaving the office, as Ruan Mian walked downstairs to the first floor lobby, a boy with very short hair wearing a black basketball jersey walked by in the opposite direction.
He resembled the boy in her memories very much. In the fleeting moment they brushed past each other, she chased a few steps after him before suddenly stopping.
She had forgotten, he had already graduated.
That day was August 23, 2011. It had been 1076 days since she last saw Chen Yi.
Q University started school in September. Ruan Mian’s program admitted no more than 90 students each year, split into Clinical Classes 1 and 2. That initial period after enrolling was hectic. She shuttled between the classrooms, library, and dorms, barely catching her breath before over half the term had gone by.
Right before Christmas, the sign language club Ruan Mian was part of prepared to hold a Christmas party at a social welfare institution in the suburbs for the children there.
Ruan Mian spent a weekend being “persuaded” into playing one of the trees in the role of Snow White, squatting in the back chatting with the other “trees” on performance day.
They talked about how they had joined the club. Ruan Mian said she had been filling out a survey form for a senior sister from the environmental studies department in the cafeteria. Then a few days later, someone called her asking her to come to the sign language club’s classroom.
She had blurrily gone, blurrily auditioned, and blurrily gotten in. Chatting now, they realized they had all gone through the same process.
After talking for over half an hour, the performance ended. The few of them got off stage from the side. There was an exchange with the neighboring psychology association that night. Ruan Mian was thinking of leaving, but that senior environmental studies sister Xin Mei dragged her and wouldn’t let go. “You can’t leave. Our club only has you newbies who are single. You need to resolve this big life event early.”
Helpless, Ruan Mian could only follow them to the dinner location, unexpectedly running into a familiar face from No. 6 Middle there.
He Zezhou.
That boy from before who had scored 693 and repeated at No. 6 Middle. This year he had tested into Q University’s computer science program.
He clearly still remembered Ruan Mian. Adding on how some senior brothers and sisters heard they were both from Pingcheng No. 6 Middle School, they tried every possible way to pair the two up.
That winter break when they went home, Ruan Mian returned to Pingcheng together with He Zezhou.
However, their relationship remained merely at the level of friends. He Zezhou didn’t attempt to get closer, and Ruan Mian even moreso didn’t harbor such thoughts.
In fact, the night after the exchange ended, Ruan Mian directly told him that she liked someone and didn’t have any intention of starting a new relationship for the time being.
As a result, after hearing this, He Zezhou simply raised a hand and high-fived her, saying, “What a coincidence, me too.”
And that really was quite the coincidence.
Later, after getting familiar, Ruan Mian was curious during a chat and unintentionally asked why he had dropped out of Z University.
He Zezhou looked up from his computer and earnestly said with a stroke of his chin, “Because the girl I liked in my department found a boyfriend, and I couldn’t accept it.”
Seeing Ruan Mian’s expression as if she had eaten something bad, he laughed until his shoulders shook. “Kidding, kidding. At the time, I had actually tested into Z University as a fallback. After going for a month, I felt uncomfortable about everything. Later, I thought it over. I still felt unwilling, so I went back to repeat. I was even thinking of trying for valedictorian as a game, but didn’t expect you to snatch it from me.”
By then, it was already winter break. He was accompanying Ruan Mian out to buy a computer. Hearing this, Ruan Mian shook her bank card. “Alright, I was in the wrong here. I’ll treat you to a big meal at noon.”
In the next two years after this, Ruan Mian and He Zezhou maintained a not very frequent association. Neither ever considered crossing that line of caution between them.
Even though many people told Ruan Mian that He Zezhou was handsome, upright, and would be a perfect boyfriend, she still didn’t harbor such thoughts.
In the third year of undergrad, at the end of the winter term, Ruan Mian’s program finished the medical foundation training at Q University and moved to the downtown Dongdan campus to continue the remaining 5.5 years of clinical medicine studies.
That winter, Meng Xinglan and Jiang Rang’s J University participated in the National University Student Robot Competition jointly held and led by Q University.
The regional competitions were held at Q University.
Meng Xinglan and Jiang Rang were deputy captains of their school’s freshman competing team. Such competitions were child’s play to them now.
Meanwhile, He Zezhou was similarly Q University team’s deputy captain, also responsible for receiving students from other schools.
On the day of the pick-up, before He Zezhou even mentioned it, Ruan Mian had volunteered to help him out.
A group of people held “Welcome J University” signs standing by the T1 exit. He Zezhou wore the down jacket issued by the team, head lowered as he yawned. “Why are you being so diligent today?”
Ruan Mian looked at him. “When am I not diligent?”
He Zezhou had his hands in his pockets. “I miss the restraint and sincerity when we first met.”
Ruan Mian laughed and ignored him.
Later, when the other schools arrived one by one, Meng Xinglan saw Ruan Mian first. Letting go of her luggage, she rushed over.
Not knowing the circumstances, He Zezhou subconsciously dragged Ruan Mian back by her hat, causing Meng Xinglan to miss.
Meng Xinglan reacted first. She pulled Ruan Mian to her side. “Who’s this?”
“Our school’s competition team deputy captain, He Zezhou. Also my friend.”
Ruan Mian turned to the boy. “She’s my good friend from No. 8 Middle School, Meng Xinglan. Also one of the deputy captains for J University’s team this time.”
He Zezhou blandly uttered an “Oh”, and took the initiative to stretch out a hand to her. “Hello, I’m He Zezhou.”
“Hello.”
Meng Xinglan briefly shook his hand. Jiang Rang also walked over then. After introductions, Ruan Mian brought them to get on the car.
In the car, Meng Xinglan asked, “This guy’s quite handsome. He’s not your boyfriend, right?”
Ruan Mian said, “No, just a friend. My classmate from when I repeated at No. 6.”
“That’s good he’s not. Otherwise I couldn’t be too happy if we lose to you all tomorrow.”
Ruan Mian pressed her lips together, hesitating to speak. “…Um.”
As it turned out, Q University’s side really did lose to J University the next day. After the regionals ended, Q University hosted a farewell banquet where Meng Xinglan drank He Zezhou under the table. After the party dispersed, Ruan Mian and Jiang Rang sent the drunken Meng Xinglan back to her room together.
Meng Xinglan was a happy drunk. Once lying down, she went straight to sleep. Ruan Mian covered her with a blanket and asked her roommates to keep an eye on her that night.
Stepping out of the room, Ruan Mian saw Jiang Rang waiting outside. Her eyelid twitched uncontrollably.
After graduation, she changed her phone number, and her old QQ account from high school was stolen because she didn’t log in for a long time during her gap year. When she got it back, all the contacts had been deleted clean.
Ruan Mian simply didn’t use that account anymore, and lost contact with many classmates, including Jiang Rang. If it weren’t for Meng Xinglan, they probably wouldn’t have seen each other again.
Now, Jiang Rang was wearing a long black down jacket, with the front open, revealing the J University team uniform inside. His handsome face was flushed red, “Shall we go for a walk?”
Ruan Mian couldn’t refuse. She sighed inwardly, “Okay.”
The two didn’t go far, just walking around the artificial lake near the hotel, continuing forward. The cold in B City in winter was different from the damp cold in Pingcheng. Here, the cold was dry and biting.
There weren’t many people around the lake at night, just the occasional young person out for a night run passing by.
At first, neither of them intended to speak first, but after walking like this for a while, Ruan Mian felt this wasn’t going to work, so she asked, “When are you guys going back to school?”
Jiang Rang glanced at their shadows on the ground then back at her, “Tomorrow afternoon flight.”
“Oh, travel safely then.”
Ruan Mian sighed lightly. She really didn’t know what else to say.
After walking for almost half an hour, Jiang Rang suddenly stopped and asked in a low voice, “All these years…have you had any contact with Chen Yi?”
Ruan Mian was startled at first, but quickly understood something. She shook her head, “No.”
After parting at the farewell dinner, she never saw him again. Other than those two text messages before he went abroad, they had no other contact.
It was as if this person didn’t exist.
But Ruan Mian knew clearly, just because there was no contact or meeting, it didn’t mean he was forgotten. Two years ago when she learned from Meng Xinglan that Sheng Huan had also applied to the same university as Chen Yi, she had insomnia for a month.
Jiang Rang laughed with a sigh, a big wisp of white air dispersing in the air, “Actually after all this time, there’s still something I wanted to ask.”
Hearing this, Ruan Mian’s hand in her pocket tightened. She didn’t make a sound or try to stop him. Some things needed closure.
“In high school, were you deliberately distancing yourself from me?”
“Yes.”
“Because of Chen Yi?”
“Mm.”
Jiang Rang laughed, the corners of his eyes red, “Do you still remember?
That winter break in 10th grade when I said I would tutor you in English.”
Ruan Mian looked up at him.
“Actually, the notes I used to teach you were summarized from when I previously took lessons from Chen Yi. All those test tips and key points were what Chen Yi taught me before, so from the start, it was always Chen Yi, it had nothing to do with me.”
He laughed sorrowfully, “But I met you first, clearly.”
Ruan Mian pressed her lips together and looked up at the tall tower across the lake, “Jiang Rang, I already knew Chen Yi before going to No. 8 Middle School.”
Checkmate.
Jiang Rang sighed with a laugh, “I see.”
“But do feelings really depend on who came first?”
This time, Ruan Mian finally stopped avoiding Jiang Rang: “Even if we didn’t meet early, at No. 8 Middle School, on Pingjiang West Lane, Chen Yi and I were bound to meet eventually.
Who you meet and who you end up liking, it’s more like everyone’s fate. Those luckier get their wishes fulfilled, those less fortunate call it an ordeal.”
“Jiang Rang, people need to look forward.”
Ruan Mian said, “I’m trying to let go, I hope you can too.”
The next day, the delegations from the various universities gradually started heading back. Ruan Mian didn’t go see them off. That day she was busy moving dorms to the new campus. By the time she received the news, they had already boarded.
Later, around half a year passed, Ruan Mian heard from Meng Xinglan that Jiang Rang was preparing to study abroad. She didn’t know if her words that night had any effect, she only hoped he was truly looking forward.
At that time, she was rushing between classrooms and labs every day, always having endless papers and data reports to write and submit. She was so busy she went weeks without contacting He Zechuan.
From 15 to 17, those few years Ruan Mian was busy with internships after internships. During her hospital department rotations that period, she was reversing day and night with busyness, witnessed all kinds of life, and observed doctor-patient disputes. Her mentality was battered.
In the summer of 2018, Ruan Mingke sold the house at Nanhu Gardens, and bought a bigger flat with luxury fitted decor on the 2nd ring road, planning to have Zhou Xiujun come live with him in her old age.
Ruan Mian returned to Pingcheng during summer vacation. The big furniture at home had already been packed and moved to the new place, only Ruan Mingke’s important documents left in his study and Ruan Mian’s things in her bedroom remained.
When she arrived home, Ruan Mingke was tidying up in the study. She and her father had been so busy with their own school and work these past few years, they rarely saw each other.
“Dad.”
Ruan Mian stood in the study doorway, like the many times when she was little, coming home from school and heading straight for the study before even putting down her schoolbag.
Hearing his daughter’s voice, Ruan Mingke turned from the bookshelf.
He was over fifty now, his temples and hairline all speckled with white. Probably from spending so much time out in the northwest, he looked much more weathered, even wearing glasses now.
“Why didn’t you let me know when you were coming back, I could’ve gone to pick you up at the airport.”
Ruan Mingke closed his book and stepped over the scrap paper scattered on the floor, walking over to the door, “Have you eaten?”
Ruan Mian patted the dust off his shoulder, “Not yet.”
“Then let’s go, I’ll take you out to eat.”
Ruan Mingke went to wash his hands in the bathroom, then came out and headed into his room, “I’ll just change real quick.”
Ruan Mian laughed, “Dad, what’s the rush, I’ll be home half a month this trip.”
His voice carried out from the bedroom, “Great then.”
Ruan Mian made a sound of agreement. She walked around the house once. This place held all her childhood and adolescent memories. Just thinking she’d never see it again made her somewhat sad.
When Ruan Mingke came out of the bedroom changed, seeing her like this, he asked, “Reluctant to leave?”
“A little.”
“Dad is too. But this place is too small. With your grandma coming to live and hiring an auntie, there won’t be space.”
Ruan Mingke sighed with a laugh, “Money makes things better huh.”
Ruan Mian laughed out loud, “Alright let’s go eat, I’m starving already.”
“Okay let’s go.”
Ruan Mian had just turned 26 after her birthday this year. Ruan Mingke didn’t pressure her about marriage, but Fang Ruqing was anxious, bringing it up with Ruan Mingke every time they met, making him remind Ruan Mian more about it too.
After many times, Ruan Mingke took note of it in his mind, and probed while they were eating, “Found a partner yet?”
“Dad, now you’re the same as Mom.”
Ruan Mian picked up a small bite of greens, “I’m so busy now, when do I have time to date?”
“But you should at least have prospects.”
Ruan Mingke said, “A colleague of mine has a…”
“Dad, if you keep going I’m leaving tomorrow.”
“Okay, okay, I won’t say anymore.”
Ruan Mingke watched her eat for a bit, then suddenly asked, “You’re not still thinking about that boy from before right?”
Ruan Mian’s motions stilled briefly when picking up food, then denied, “No.”
She wasn’t lying.
She and Chen Yi hadn’t seen each other for so long, she could barely even recall his appearance now. The deep-rooted crush from her youth had also been obscured by the passage of time.
These past few years at school, Ruan Mian had also tried meeting new people. The year before last, she dated one of He Zechuan’s senior schoolmates for three months. But because she was too busy, he started seeing someone new at Q University, and was beaten black and blue after being caught by He Zechuan.
Later He Zechuan joked about this for half a year. Ruan Mian developed an avoidance on all things romantic after that. Plus she really was busy, so relationships kept being delayed until now.
She wasn’t deliberately remembering him, she just hadn’t met the right person yet.
After eating, Ruan Mian and Ruan Mingke returned home to pack up the remaining things. Her clothes and big items in the bedroom were already packed. All that was left was a bookshelf and things in her desk.
But it still took quite some time to pack up when they really started. The moving company Ruan Mingke booked was coming at 6pm for a trip.
Ruan Mian still had things left in her desk drawers.
She found the drawer key in the pen holder on the desk. Probably from disuse, she had to poke at it for a while before it went into the keyhole.
There was nothing precious inside after opening it, just a notebook and a cell phone.
The notebook cover had faded somewhat, the pages yellowed, and the strokes of writing inside blurry. Ruan Mian casually flipped through a few pages, and it was like she returned to those two years of high school again.
The sudden noise from outside made her come back to the present. Ruan Mian closed the notebook, picked up the phone, the charging cable was wrapped around the exterior. She found a plug and charged it for a bit, then pressed the power button hoping against hope.
Unexpectedly, it really turned on. This phone brand not only didn’t become more popular, the company itself didn’t even exist anymore.
After booting up, the phone had a few minutes of buffering, then unexpectedly messages popped up. Ruan Mian clicked in to look, they were overdue bill notices from years ago.
She was about to exit, but accidentally clicked into sent texts while repeatedly hitting the back button. The old phone’s response was too slow, and the screen directly jumped into the last sent message after she hit back twice.
“Unrequited love is very bitter. Like the summer wind, it sounds good, but it’s full of heat when it blows. Now, summer is over, and I don’t like you anymore.”
“Chen Yi, I wish you a safe journey and a bright future.”
The time was August 29, 2010 at 6:01pm.
It was a long time ago. Ruan Mian had sent this message upon learning Chen Yi was flying to UC Berkeley the next day.
It was a confession, and also farewell.
It was the period she drew on her obscure, inarticulable crush.
Ruan Mian stood in the room for too long. Ruan Mingke called from outside after finishing up, “Mian Mian, time to go.”
“Oh, okay.”
She came back to her senses, and put the phone and notebook together into a box, taping it up tightly.
The sun shone brightly outside. Ruan Mian picked up the box and walked out of the room.
- Lidong (??) – a solar term, begins around November 7th marking the start of winter. One of the 24 Chinese solar terms. ↩︎
- Red packet (??, hóngb?o) – a traditional Chinese custom where money is enclosed in a red envelope and given as a gift, especially during festive occasions and celebrations. Worth noting that in Chinese culture, it’s not so much the cash held inside but the envelope symbolising good luck and prosperity. ↩︎
Leave a Reply