Ruan Mian cried again.
This time Chen Yi coaxed her for a good half day. By the time he saw her back, it was already past midnight. They were out so late that both sides’ elders had called.
The two stood at the entrance to her building, each taking their own calls. Under the street lamps, the shadows cast on the ground held hands.
“I’m outside.”
“Mm.”
“I’ll be back soon.”
Chen Yi would glance at Ruan Mian after every response – at her reddened eyes, bright wet gaze, delicate nose, parting and closing lips.
She was right before him, yet he still tried to piece together in his mind the teenage her, about her secret crush back then. Li Zhi hadn’t explained very clearly that night. He even placed the timeframe as having liked Chen Yi before.
Chen Yi had no way of knowing the exact time.
The Chen Yi of high school, full of youthful spirit, relying on good looks and an enviable family background, steadily sat in the clouds among his peers in those years, even as the most popular student at their school for many years after.
He was practically an unprecedented figure.
But Chen Yi at that age was equally extraordinarily clear-headed. His family background and upbringing led him to be firm and certain about the choices in his life. He worked hard for what he wanted. While others still struggled on the narrow bridge of college entrance exams, he had already embarked on his own road to success.
It was also because of this that on the path of pursuing his life, he overlooked many things which, to the Chen Yi of that age, were merely external affairs.
Like Ruan Mian’s affection and every gaze towards him.
After graduating, Chen Yi rarely returned home because of academics, and contact with Ruan Mian stopped after that one time for the graduation photos.
Their reunion at the disaster zone was more of a surprise to him. Through Ruan Mian’s unusual changes, he traced back to some overlooked details in their interactions as teenagers.
In nine years, the difference between her now and in high school wasn’t just in personality. Her external appearance had also gradually changed.
She was slightly taller and thinner than before. Her features seemed more defined, losing the innocence and budding beauty to become increasingly confident.
Chen Yi couldn’t deny being stunned, but the premise of that shock was because she was Ruan Mian – the one who shielded Yu Zhou during the aftershock, not someone else.
His subsequent feelings were more unexpected yet also seemingly fated. He didn’t know when it started, only that by the time he realized it, she had already entered his heart.
That unexpected accident during the rescue – in that moment between life and death he inexplicably thought of her. In the end, he was just glad everything was still at the starting point.
That way, even if something happened to him, she would only grieve for a time.
But later, the more time they spent together, the more reluctant he was to let her go. Chen Yi selfishly brought her into his life, unaware that she had long ago put him in her heart.
It was the first time in Chen Yi’s life that he felt such immense regret and remorse.
But there was no antidote for regret in this world, nor a time machine. The now 26-year-old Chen Yi could not return to age 16. He was destined to miss the 16-year-old Ruan Mian.
Yet Fate had its own plans. After 9 years of twists and turns, their reunion was perhaps a consolation for Ruan Mian’s past. But for Chen Yi, it was an invaluable, once-in-a-lifetime gift. He was willing to repay it for life.
On the side, Ruan Mian, also on her phone, didn’t notice Chen Yi’s distraction. After hanging up, she pulled her hand out of his.
Unexpectedly, he immediately grasped it again. His long, fair fingers threaded through hers, utterly intimate and entwined.
Pulled close by him, gazing at his lightly bobbing adam’s apple as he told the caller he would be back soon, Ruan Mian still felt somewhat shy and averted her eyes.
Chen Yi put away his phone, fingertips grazing the corner of her eye. He quietly asked, “What time is your flight tomorrow?”
“Twelve noon.”
She was too shy, always avoiding his gaze.
He smiled lightly but didn’t make it difficult for her. “I’ll see you off at the airport tomorrow.”
Ruan Mian murmured okay. Recalling Ruan Mingke’s urging, she pulled her hand back. In the muggy weather, a thin layer of sweat coated their palms.
She pursed her lips. “I should head back.”
“Alright.”
Chen Yi felt empty-handed and his heart also emptied a little. “Go back quickly. Message me when you wake up.”
Ruan Mian mumbled oh. She left without any lingering, the building entrance opening and closing again. Her figure quickly disappeared from Chen Yi’s sight.
Chen Yi smiled to himself for a bit before leaving as well.
What he didn’t know was that not long after he left, Ruan Mian, who took the stairs instead of the elevator, watched him walk far away at the 3rd floor window before withdrawing her gaze.
The stairwell was dimly lit. Ruan Mian came out through the emergency exit to wait for the elevator. Her blurry reflection could be seen in the elevator walls polished like mirrors by the cleaning auntie.
Though indistinct, one could tell she was smiling.
In her over 20 years, Ruan Mian had experienced more than the average person but was also luckier than many. Though her parents divorced, she still enjoyed double, even more love.
She had academic success. Her friends were few but genuine. And now, the boy she once liked, after 9 years of twists and turns, had reconnected with her life.
In the end, Fate had not shortchanged her.
When Ruan Mian returned home, Ruan Mingke was still awake. After she left with Chen Yi in the afternoon, there had been no news. Ruan Mingke had thought they were just pretending for their elders. Once out the door, they went their separate ways since Ruan Mian had seemed reluctant earlier.
Who knew after he returned home, he got a call from Fang Ruqing and found out the two had likely been together the whole time since leaving the hotel.
Although he knew Chen Yi’s character, it was impossible not to worry with his own daughter. He asked Fang Ruqing when she had run into Ruan Mian and estimated the travel time. He stubbornly waited until midnight before unable to resist calling her.
Hearing the door open now, Ruan Mingke acted nonchalant, waiting for Ruan Mian to come over before asking, “Why so late?”
Ruan Mian had lied to match Chen Yi’s story earlier. But now facing her father, she thought about it and told the truth: “We went back to visit former classmates and teachers from school.”
Seeing Ruan Mingke’s puzzled look, she continued, “Chen Yi and I were in the same class.”
Ruan Mingke’s right brow quirked slightly in surprise. “Then how come you both said you didn’t know each other when you met?”
“It was a bit sudden.”
Even now, sitting here revisiting this with Ruan Mingke, Ruan Mian still felt it was sudden and unbelievable.
She recalled last year when Ruan Mingke first mentioned his colleague’s son during the move back, she hadn’t imagined at all that it was Chen Yi.
Amidst his disbelief, Ruan Mingke keenly noticed Ruan Mian’s slightly reddened eyes and restrained his curiosity. “Classmates are nice, you know each other well.”
Ruan Mian guiltily agreed.
Ruan Mingke also asked: “How did you get along with Chen Yi today?
Don’t force yourself if it’s not suitable. After all you’re classmates, don’t make things too awkward.”
Despite telling her father everything from childhood until now, Ruan Mian still couldn’t say something as outrageous as “We’re together now”. She could only evade calmly: “It was okay I guess. Being classmates makes it easier to get along compared to strangers.”
Ruan Mingke stared into her eyes. Father and daughter resembled each other so much, if you covered the lower face, their eyes and brows were practically identical.
He didn’t ask further, only reminding: “It’s late, rest early.”
“Okay.”
Ruan Mian reached to grab her bag.
Ruan Mingke: “What time is your flight tomorrow? I’ll see you off at the airport.”
Ruan Mian’s movements stilled. She stood and said: “It’s noon, twelve o’clock. No need to send me, I can just take a taxi.”
After saying that, she bid her father good night and hurried back to her room. Shutting the door, Ruan Mian heaved a long breath, hanging up her bag and grabbing pajamas for a shower.
While doing skincare, she took out her phone from her bag and saw Chen Yi had sent her messages 15 minutes ago and 10 minutes ago.
CY: I’m home.
CY: I told my dad the truth about us.
Ruan Mian: “……”
Ruan Mian now truly felt she was being unfilial. She hastily patted on some essence, fingers flying to type a reply.
Ruan Mian: You really confessed?
CY: Hmm?
House rules are clearly laid out, can’t break the law.
Ruan Mian: ……
CY: Has uncle asked you?
Ruan Mian: He did, I lied.
CY: Mm, it’s fine.
CY: My dad is calling your dad now.
This line gave Ruan Mian a huge shock. She almost immediately went out of her room, but Ruan Mingke was no longer in the living room. The doors to his study and bedroom were shut tight, not a sound coming from within.
It just so happened that Zhou Xiujun, who had gone to bed early, got up at night for water. Bumping into Ruan Mian standing there scared her badly. “Why are you still not sleeping so late?”
“Was sleeping.”
Ruan Mian took the water glass from her and went to the living room to pour a glass of warm water to bring back to the bedroom. Her phone dinged with another message.
CY: Kidding, didn’t say anything.
CY: Rest early, good night.
She let out a breath, putting her phone down and sitting at the bedside.
Zhou Xiujun already slept little to begin with. Being startled awake meant she was no longer sleepy. She asked Ruan Mian: “Your dad said you went matchmaking today?”
Ruan Mian nodded. Zhou Xiujun held her hand, rough fingertips gently stroking the back of her hand. Softly she asked: “How was it?”
“Pretty good.”
Ruan Mian smiled and lay down next to Zhou Xiujun as if being spoiled. “Grandma, do you believe in destiny?”
“Of course, the relationship between people is all about destiny – a chance encounter can also be destiny, pining away and being entangled with each other for one’s whole life can also be destiny. These are all the destinies of two people, no?”
Zhou Xiujun laughed wistfully: “It’s just a matter of if the destiny is deep or shallow1“
Ruan Mian gave an “Mm”, nuzzling closer into her embrace. “Grandma, I’ll sleep with you tonight.”
“Okay.”
After Zhou Xiujun turned off the lights, the grandmother and granddaughter chatted well into the late night. Outside the window, the stars were sparse and it was almost dawn.
The next morning, Ruan Mian was woken up by her preset alarm. The bedroom curtains were half-drawn, bright sunshine spilling in.
Reaching for her phone, she turned off the alarm and opened WeChat, full of all the group messages. Shen Yu had posted their pictures from yesterday in the group.
Ruan Mian saved each original photo one by one. In a series of photos, the six of them were in the same pose with almost identical expressions until she swiped to the last one.
In that photo, Chen Yi standing behind her like in the previous shots – his gaze was not looking at the camera, but falling on her instead.
The boundless sky, the evening glow blanketing the clouds, yet the man’s expression was indescribably gentle.
She smiled as she saved this picture.
Later at breakfast, Ruan Mian saw Chen Yi had already posted that photo publicly on Moments, visible to all and not just her.
He gave her obvious, overt favoritism, as if like the picture – he only had eyes for her.
After breakfast, Ruan Mian went back to her room to pack up. Dawdling until past 9am, she received a call from Chen Yi: “Still not up?”
“Ah, I’m up.”
She single-handedly put the charger in her bag.
“Then how come you didn’t message me.”
Ruan Mian froze for a second, recalling his instructions last night. She touched her nose saying: “I forgot.”
Silence on the other end for a few seconds before he let out a low laugh. “Alright, what time are you leaving? I’m at the residential entrance.”
“Ten minutes.”
“Okay.”
Hanging up, Ruan Mian carefully checked her ID in her bag and took her phone to go out. “Dad, grandma, I’m going.”
Ruan Mingke: “I’ll send you off.”
“No need.”
Ruan Mian changed into her shoes at the foyer. “I’ll take a cab over. It’s so hot out, no need to see me off.”
Ruan Mingke supported Zhou Xiujun as they walked over. “When will you come back this time?”
“Maybe Mid-Autumn Festival or National Day.”
Ruan Mian smiled: “Probably busier in the second half of the year with more surgeries.”
Zhou Xiujun urged: “Still remember to rest. Don’t skip meals.”
“I know.”
Ruan Mian went over to hug the old lady, then looked up at Ruan Mingke. “I’m going now. Take care of yourselves at home.”
“Travel safely, call us when you arrive.”
“Okay.”
After shutting the door, Ruan Mian strangely felt a little downcast. As she grew up, trips home became fewer and fewer. Each time leaving brought an inexplicable feeling of melancholy.
She lightly sighed, seeing the elevator coming down from upstairs. Hurrying over, she pressed the button.
From the building to the community entrance still took a few minutes on foot. The June southern sun was quite strong, sweating her just that short distance.
Chen Yi wasn’t sitting in the car, instead waiting under the shade of a tree at the entrance. Dappled light and shadows failed to conceal his handsome features.
Perhaps hearing approaching footsteps, he turned around. His previously aloof expression seemed to melt like an iceberg, becoming soft and gentle. “No luggage?”
Ruan Mian was puzzled. “I didn’t have luggage when I came back.”
“Oh right, I forgot that.”
He deliberately stressed those last three words, as if hinting at something.
The two got in the car. The air conditioning was set very low. After getting in, Chen Yi turned up the temperature.
From the residential area to the airport was an hour drive. With no luggage, after Ruan Mian finished airport check-in, there was still half an hour to accompany Chen Yi at Starbucks.
Neither were particularly talkative, yet strangely, just sitting together even in silence felt perfectly comfortable rather than awkward. As if simply being in each other’s presence was pleasing, even if just wasting time. Though half an hour was far too short, not even enough to finish one drink.
“Let’s go, I’ll walk you over.”
Chen Yi picked up her bag, naturally taking her hand as he urged: “Message me when you arrive.”
“Okay.”
After responding, Ruan Mian added: “I won’t forget this time.”
He gave an “Mm”, tone low yet with a hint of laughter. “It’s fine if you forget, I’ll call you.”
Ruan Mian also smiled.
From now on, there would be one more person in this world looking out for her.
- Massive T/N: I wanted to add context to this concept of ‘shallow or deep fate’ (??/??), because the poetic nature of it might be lost in a literal translation. It basically highlights the varying degrees of depth in connections; some more profound and intricately woven together, whilst others more fleeting and superficial. But all of them are tied to the idea of fate and destiny.
To elaborate, there’s this idea of the ‘threads of fate’ in Chinese culture, rooted in Buddhism (?? yuánfèn) where people are connected by invisible ‘threads’ of destiny which pulls them together or apart. It comes from the belief that certain connections and encounters are predestined; written into your destiny.
There’s a highly acclaimed South Korean romance movie recently about this idea of ?? (yuánfèn, Chinese)/?? (inyeon, Korean) called Past Lives by A24. If you like the poignancy of this concept, this movie could be worth a watch. And this is a fantastic article explaining the concept (better than I can in a lengthy footnote). Let me know if you’ve watched it and what you think! ↩︎
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