ATLAS TRANSLATES

The winter of 2019 came early.

The north wind descended on the prosperous metropolis, bringing a piercing, bone-chilling cold. Barely mid-November, yet the temperature had already plunged into single digits. The air was murky with lingering smog.

Chen Yi had left City B over a month ago. During this time, Ruan Mian had followed Meng Fu Ping to City Z to attend a conference on thymoma treatment, spending her days at conferences and touring major hospitals.

At night, she would prepare reports back at the hotel, kept so busy she barely slept 8 hours a day. After returning to City B, Ruan Mian was in sporadic contact with Chen Yi. But sometimes their timings were off – he would call when she was busy, and by the time she called back, there would be no answer.

At the end of November, Chen Yi returned to City B from the southwest, before being dispatched on a mission to West Asia. The night before his departure, he called Ruan Mian late at night.

One call went unanswered.

He dialed again and again, calling five or six times in a row, each ending in an automated message that no one had picked up.

By then, City B was wholly enveloped by the cold front. The north wind at night felt like it carried knives, stinging one’s face. Chen Yi stood in the corridor, the cold light from his phone screen illuminating his rugged, chiseled features in sharp relief.

After sending a message, he strode down the remaining few steps in big strides, his figure flashing briefly in the corridor. He spent some time at Song Huai’s place before emerging from the office with Shen Yu, both dressed in combat uniforms, their footsteps so light they were almost inaudible in the dead of the night.

Shen Yu held his cap under his arm and asked in a low voice, “Have you contacted Ruan Mian?”

“Couldn’t get through on the phone, so I left her a message.”

Chen Yi raised his eyes to gaze at the distant, pitch-black sky, unable to make out anything. At the same time, many miles away at the hospital, the emergency hall was brightly lit, the clean ceramic tiles stained with blood, filled with cries of pain and grief, rising and falling.

A few hours ago, a major multi-vehicle accident with heavy casualties had occurred near Xiehe Hospital. Nearby hospitals were overwhelmed and transferred batches of the injured to Xiehe. Ruan Mian was called to the ER to help. It was late into the night before the rescue operation finally ended. She returned to the thoracic surgery office with Meng Fu Ping.

Outside the window, the sky was murky, obscuring the outlines of the high-rises, their silhouettes barely discernible. Ruan Mian sat at her desk writing medical records.

The office was quiet except for the sound of her pen gliding across paper. After 6am, faint voices could be heard from outside.

Ruan Mian massaged her neck and leaned back, closing her eyes as she groped around the drawer for her phone.

The moment she picked it up and looked, she bolted upright, accidentally kicking the table leg with her toes. Ignoring the pain, she hurriedly called back one of the missed calls, only to hear the prompt that the other party’s phone was off.

Ruan Mian put down her phone and opened WeChat.

CY: Eat less takeout, handed in my phone, don’t worry, I’ll be back soon.

She stared at the message for a long time, typing and deleting a few words over and over, before finally sending the usual two words.

Be safe.

At the end of the year, the streets were filled with the rich, lively air of the holidays. The last day of December was Ruan Mian’s birthday.

Usually she was quite casual about this day. Without He Ze Chuan and Lin Jia Hui, she probably wouldn’t have bothered preparing a birthday cake. This year was no exception. The only difference being that one of her usual birthday companions had left City B, while the other was away on a business trip that day. Early that morning, after taking calls from Fang Ruqing and Ruan Ming Ke, Ruan Mian also received calls from Meng Xing Lan and Lin Jia Hui.

Later, she got more birthday wishes from classmates and friends, replying to each, yet unconsciously clicking open her chat with Chen Yi over and over. Their chat record was still stuck in the previous month.

Ruan Mian scrolled up to the very top, reading through everything before realizing they had somehow exchanged so many pages of messages unknowingly. Looking at the content now, it was actually quite mundane – nothing but some daily trifles, utterly ordinary. She laughed and marveled that she hadn’t found their lives so dull before.

Every day it was either about eating or sleeping, without even a slightly interesting topic. Ruan Mian read through their chat record repeatedly, eventually going back to the latest messages, wanting to say something yet not knowing how to start. In the end, she wrote about everything that had happened over the past month, sending it over just like keeping a diary.

As usual, her message sank without a trace. Ruan Mian thought nothing of it. Putting down her phone, she went to the kitchen to make food. After eating and a nap, the day passed swiftly.

Near bedtime, she received another call from He Ze Chuan. They chatted as usual for a while before hanging up after 9pm. Winter nights were darker than usual. With the persistent smog these days, the night sky was moonless and starless, shrouded in fog. Ruan Mian had slept too much during the day and was wide awake now.

Tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep, she got up and sat at her desk, looking through the special case files Meng Fu Ping had sent. The room had ample heating. Even with the humidifier on, it was still somewhat dry. After finishing half a kettle of water, she got up to refill it.

The living room was perfectly quiet. The dim lights of the high-rises outside filtered in faintly. Ruan Mian rubbed her temples in thought about the information she had just read. The electric kettle made soft noises before the water started boiling, accompanied by the whistle of steam.

At the sounds of a door opening, Ruan Mian tensed up despite herself – such sounds were alarming at this hour. She turned off the kettle and groped for the fruit knife on the counter, not turning on the light.

But the next moment, her hand loosened its grip, the knife handle clattering onto the countertop noisily. Because the person who had just entered was Chen Yi.

Standing in the yellowish light behind him, Ruan Mian also glimpsed the flowers and cake he held. Like an unexpected, pleasant surprise, Ruan Mian stood frozen. Chen Yi set aside the flowers and cake before striding straight towards her. The room was dim, obscuring his features.

Ruan Mian’s hand still rested on the counter edge. Sensing him approach, her fingers twitched, brushing against the fruit knife on the counter. Following the sound, Chen Yi glanced over and picked up the knife, moving it farther away. Head lowered to gaze at her, his voice slightly hoarse, “Did I scare you?” “A little.” She took a subtle deep breath, grasping his wrist, “Why are you suddenly back?” “I promised I’d be back before your birthday.” Chen Yi leaned closer, still carrying the lingering chill on him. “Luckily I made it.”

Ruan Mian felt his hand and face – both were cold. “You came straight from the military district?” Chen Yi made a sound of affirmation, pressing a kiss to the corner of her lips. Holding her hand, he led her out. The clock in the living room showed it was just past 10pm. Without much fanfare, Ruan Mian made a wish and blew out the candles while Chen Yi handed her the roses. “Happy birthday.” The flowers were vibrant, exuding a rich yet elegant fragrance. Holding them to her chest, Ruan Mian felt the scent rush to her nose.

She unconsciously twirled the petals between her fingers. Chen Yi got up to take off his coat, throwing it on the sofa. Underneath he only wore a black shirt, buttoned all the way to the top.

Sitting down beside Ruan Mian, he propped his knee up, folding his arms. Speaking unhurriedly, “I left in a rush, so your present is still in the barracks. I’ll bring it next time.”

“Okay.” Ruan Mian sounded indifferent.

“Will you have to go back tonight?”

Chen Yi nodded, considering his words. “Something came up at the base. I probably can’t go home for a while, but I get to keep my phone this time so you can contact me anytime.”

Ruan Mian gave an “oh”, sounding especially understanding. “Then you should head back early. It’s late already and I have work tomorrow, need to rest soon too.” They looked at each other wordlessly for a few seconds.

Chen Yi watched her, Adam’s apple occasionally bobbing as he swallowed. It was a long while before he spoke. “There’s no rush, I’ll leave after you sleep.” But Ruan Mian did not look at him again, gaze lowered, seemingly lost in thought.

Chen Yi struggled but still did not say the words. He only held her hand. “I’ll finish up quickly, then I’ll have a long vacation, a month or two.”

“How long exactly?”

“One or two months, I guess.”

Chen Yi squeezed her fingers, leaning in to kiss her. But he stopped short of crossing the line, breath lingering unusually heavily by Ruan Mian’s ear.

He pulled back slightly, brows faintly furrowed. But sensing her gaze, he forced himself to relax again.

As she leaned into his embrace, Ruan Mian heard him whisper “I’m sorry.”

Ruan Mian did not cling too tightly to him, only asking, “Why are you saying sorry?”

“My job keeps me too busy.”

“I’m busy too. If you didn’t have this job, wouldn’t I be the one saying sorry to you?” Ruan Mian released him.

Though the lights were off, her eyes shone brightly. “Chen Yi, I’m with you because I like you. This fondness won’t disappear because of how you are. Even when we’re middle-aged, or you’re old and bedridden, I will still like you the same, if not more than I do now.”

Sitting there, Chen Yi gazed at her unwaveringly, as if trying to see through everything. His throat felt a little tight and his fists clenched briefly before relaxing with a sigh. “I should’ve known I can’t fool you.”

Chen Yi returned to City B more than ten days ago. He was seriously injured. The situation in West Asia was complicated, and emergencies could happen at any time. When Song Huai received the news, he immediately arranged for people and a helicopter to bring Chen Yi and two other injured soldiers back to China.

After returning to China, Chen Yi was urgently sent to the military hospital. Over the past few days, he had been in a semi-conscious state. It was not until three days ago that his condition finally stabilized somewhat.

The few days when he was injured caused Chen Yi to lose his sense of time. Plus, his condition had just stabilized, and he was also weak, so even though he was stable, he kept dozing off.

Yesterday, because his wound was hurting, he didn’t fall asleep until morning. He slept until night. It seemed like he remembered something. When the nurse came to hang the IV, he asked what time it was, only to find out it was already the 31st.

In his current state, just getting out of bed and walking around was enough to make the doctors yell. Let alone leaving the hospital to go somewhere else.

Chen Yi borrowed a phone from the nurse and called Shen Yue. They had returned from their mission three days ago and were on vacation during this time.

After Shen Yue came, he waited for the doctor to finish rounds, threw a coat to Chen Yi, and sneakily took him out of the hospital, “So, am I taking you directly there?”

“Go back to my place first.”

Chen Yi returned to his residence in eastern city, his wounds couldn’t get wet or take a shower, so he just wiped himself with hot water, trying to get rid of the smell of disinfectant.

After getting ready, right before leaving, he sprayed some cologne on himself just in case, but didn’t expect it to backfire.

At this time, Ruan Mian unbuttoned Chen Yi’s shirt and saw the bandages wrapped around his shoulders. She lowered her head and said, “You never used to wear cologne before.”

“You noticing makes me pay more attention now.”

She was a doctor, extremely sensitive to the smell of hospitals. Plus, he had been keeping a subtle distance from her all night, so it was hard for Ruan Mian not to be suspicious.

Chen Yi’s cover was blown, he didn’t pretend anymore. He held her hand, not letting her continue looking, he felt if he wasn’t wrong, the wound on his waist should have opened.

“Don’t look anymore.”

Chen Yi’s gaze fell on her face, his voice was slightly weaker than usual, and his breathing was also lower, “Take me back?”

“Okay.”

Ruan Mian got up to grab his coat for him, then went back to the room to change her clothes, and took the keys and phone. She looked flustered in a way she couldn’t describe.

Chen Yi put on his coat and stood there watching her change her shoes. The wound was hurting with a stinging pain, plus the heating was a bit hot, sweat was starting to form on his temples.

He subtly raised his hand to wipe it off. Ruan Mian had finished changing her shoes, she turned her head and saw he was dressed lightly. She wrapped her scarf around his neck.

The moment their eyes met, Chen Yi saw her eyes were a little red. He sighed to himself, and held her hand, “Let’s go.”

“Mm.”

Shen Yue’s car was waiting downstairs. Seeing Ruan Mian and Chen Yi come out from the unit building, his expression was a bit surprised. He hurriedly got out of the car.

He didn’t know what was going on with Chen Yi, so he didn’t dare say anything. He bid Ruan Mian happy birthday, then looked up at Chen Yi, his eyes asking what was going on.

Chen Yi’s complexion was pale. With just one sentence, “Go back to the hospital.”

Busted.

Shen Yue understood. From the corner of his eye he glanced at the expressionless Ruan Mian. He raised his hand to support Chen Yi into the car.

On the way to the hospital, the three of them didn’t speak. Chen Yi’s wound was hurting, afraid that speaking would give it away, he kept holding Ruan Mian’s hand, squeezing it occasionally.

The nurse knocked on Chen Yi’s ward and no one answered. She took the initiative to push the door open, only to find the hospital bed empty, with a note pressed under the bedside table.

Went out to run some errands, will be back soon, please keep it quiet. Thanks.

It was signed by Chen Yi.

The nurse took the note to Chen Yi’s primary doctor. The doctor yelled about his rash actions, and called Song Huai to report it. Word spread from one to ten to a hundred people. By the time they arrived at the hospital, Chen Yi and Shen Yue were about to be dragged out and beaten by the furious Song Huai.

Song Huai yelled angrily, “You’re a grown adult, don’t you know your own condition clearly? It’s so cold out, what earth shattering event made you have to run out like this!”

Chen Yi was half leaning on Shen Yue’s shoulder, looking especially weak and said, “Uncle, my wound is hurting a bit, could you let the doctor take a look first before scolding me?”

“Let it hurt you to death!”

Although Song Huai said this, he still hurriedly called the doctor over. Seeing the blood seeping through the gauze, he couldn’t bear to scold anymore, and just stood there silent.

Chen Yi was half lying on the hospital bed after changing his bandages, wearing patient clothes. An IV drip in his right hand, eyes half closed, looking a bit weak.

He had only eaten a few mouthfuls of the congee Ruan Mian bought. She sat there slowly finishing the rest for him. Shen Yue saw it wasn’t a big deal and left first. At the moment, it was just the two of them in the ward.

Ruan Mian got up and threw the takeout container in the trash can, then sat back down on the stool by the bed. “What did the doctor say?”

“No major issues, just that I can’t move around for a while.”

Chen Yi sat up, “Don’t worry.”

Ruan Mian didn’t speak, her gaze fixed unwaveringly on the area around his shoulder, as if just now realizing that he was injured. Her emotions came crashing in out of nowhere.

Chen Yi saw her shed a tear, then two, three…more and more tears welled up. He wanted to raise his hand to wipe them away, but accidentally tugged the IV line, and the needle site started bleeding back.

Ruan Mian panicked and pressed down on his wrist, her voice somewhat hoarse, “Don’t move around.”

“Then don’t cry anymore.”

Chen Yi’s Adam’s apple rolled as he swallowed, he shuffled over to the side a bit, making some space on the not very big hospital bed. His voice was very soft, “Come here.”

“I’m fine.”

Ruan Mian wiped away her own tears, “The bed is so small, I’ll bump into you.”

Chen Yi made a motion as if to get up. This position would inevitably pull at his wound again. Ruan Mian hurriedly pressed him down, “Don’t move.”

“Then come up here.”

Chen Yi looked at her. Ruan Mian compromised, “Alright.”

The bed in a single room was a bit bigger than the ones in a regular ward, but still a tight squeeze for two people. Ruan Mian laid on her side, not taking up too much space, her actions revealing some carefulness and awkwardness.

But Chen Yi didn’t mind at all, like the many times before when they shared a bed, he pulled her into his embrace. His fingertip wiped past her eye corners, “This time was an accident, I promise there won’t be a next time.”

Ruan Mian mumbled in agreement. In her heart she was thinking about how not to bump into his wounds. Her whole body shrank in his embrace, not daring to move.

After a while, she spoke, “Chen Yi.”

“Mm?”

“Could you lie properly?”

Ruan Mian’s tone was a bit helpless, “Like this I don’t even dare to move.”

He seemed to chuckle and loosened his hold, lying like before. Ruan Mian reached out to turn off the light. From very far away, sounds of New Year’s countdown cheers could be heard outside.

She suddenly moved closer, clinging to his arm, “Chen Yi.”

“Mm?”

“It’s a new year now.”

Ruan Mian shifted up a bit, her head resting at the same height as his, their gazes level. “I hope this year, you will also be safe and sound.”

Chen Yi looked at her reddened eye corners, his throat seemed choked up by something. His chest was filled with emotions. He stroked her brow and promised, “Okay, I promise you.”

Ruan Mian lowered her head, her face buried in the crook of his neck and shoulder. Her tears scalded Chen Yi’s heart, making it feel sour and swollen. He reached out to hold her tight.

Chen Yi spent the beginning of 2020 in the hospital. During that time Ruan Mian was very busy with work, only able to come over on weekends or occasionally when she got off early.

More than ten days later, with permission from the doctor in charge, Chen Yi was allowed to be discharged and recuperate at home. It was a snowy day in City B when he was discharged, the city was covered in a blanket of white.

Ruan Mian ran into traffic jams in the morning on her way to the hospital. She left home after 7, and didn’t arrive until almost 10.

Chen Yi still had 3 more IV bags to finish that morning. When Ruan Mian arrived, there was one bag left. She put down her bag, took off her down jacket and hat, “Did you finish packing?”

“Not yet.”

Chen Yi was leaning against the headboard, fiddling with the six-sided Rubik’s cube Ruan Mian had brought earlier to help pass the time.

“Then let me help you pack first.”

Ruan Mian was restless, she drank half a cup of water and rolled up her sleeves, walking around the ward. Very soon she was holding a few pieces of clothing, but couldn’t find a place to put them.

Chen Yi glanced and said, “There’s a backpack in the cabinet.”

Ruan Mian mumbled in acknowledgement, went to grab the bag. There were a few more of Chen Yi’s clothes in the cabinet. She took them out in one go, and went to the sofa to start folding clothes.

Chen Yi didn’t ask Song Huai’s side to send someone to pick him up after discharge. He leaned against the headboard after the IV was removed, on the phone, while snow drifted heavily outside. The room felt warm and cozy.

“No need, my girlfriend is coming to pick me up.”

When Ruan Mian heard Chen Yi say this, she looked back at him, then continued folding clothes.

Picking up one of his coats, shaking it open, an envelope fell out from the inside.

Ruan Mian bent down to pick it up. Only after picking it up did she see her name written on the other side of the envelope. She touched the things inside the envelope, stunned for a moment.

She turned to glance at Chen Yi. He had his head lowered, listening to the person on the phone speak, his profile looked especially sharp and rugged from this angle.

Sensing her gaze, Chen Yi tilted his head to look over, raising his brows slightly, as if asking what was up.

Ruan Mian shook her head with a smile, signaling him to continue his call first. When she turned her head back, looking at the things in her hand, her heartbeat unconsciously sped up.

It was like making a decision after a very long time.

Ruan Mian took action to open the unsealed envelope, tilting it slightly. Two rings fell out.

The rings were very simple, one larger and one smaller. Their initials were engraved inside.

Along with the rings, a piece of paper folded a few times also fell out. Ruan Mian didn’t know what was going on, her fingers trembled a little.

She held her breath, unfolded the paper. Only one sentence was written on it, the handwriting as familiar and beautiful as always.

“I’m sorry, I love you.”