Chen Yi only noticed the excessive silence in the room after finishing the phone call. He turned his head to look towards the sofa, where Ruan Mian was sitting with her back to the window, head lowered, motionless. Beside her were a few folded clothes and a black backpack with its zipper open.
He didn’t know what was wrong. He put away his phone and walked over, but stopped again when he was about to approach, his gaze falling on the piece of paper in Ruan Mian’s hand.
To be more precise, it was his will.
In their line of work, they would write a will in advance before each mission, in case something unexpected happened during the mission and they didn’t have time to handle matters afterwards.
Chen Yi had originally kept the will and rings under his pillow in the dormitory. Some time ago, he had asked Shen Yu to go back and pack some things for him, and Shen Yu had casually included them among the items he brought over.
Chen Yi hadn’t intended for her to see these things, just as he didn’t want her to know about his injury at all. Although some things were inevitable, knowing about them sooner or later made a difference.
Before the time came, Chen Yi didn’t want to let Ruan Mian understand or come into contact with these things too early, which might be a very cruel thing for her.
Death was a common occurrence, something everyone had to experience, but when it befell someone close, it might not be an easy hurdle to overcome.
Chen Yi silently walked over and then half-squatted in front of Ruan Mian, trying to take the paper from her hand. “Alright, don’t look at it anymore.”
Ruan Mian didn’t let go, her fingers gripping tightly. When she looked at him, her eyes were very red, as if it took a lot of courage for her to speak. “If you hadn’t… this time…”
“There are no ifs.”
Chen Yi interrupted her, using some force to pull the paper out, refolding it according to the previous creases. “I’ve come back, so this assumption doesn’t hold.”
Ruan Mian was still holding the two rings in her palm, and a belated panic and fear suddenly surged in her heart.
When she was studying before, she had participated in a few medical aid projects in Africa with her mentor during the summer. She had heard the team members talk about how those Doctors Without Borders would leave a will in advance when they went to dangerous places, just like the Chinese soldiers who came to Africa to carry out missions. They would also leave a few words before coming here.
Ruan Mian recalled the words she had said to Chen Yi not long ago when she learned about his injury. She thought she could calmly accept all his unexpected situations, but when she truly saw this will, Ruan Mian realized that all her supposed “I can, I’m willing, I accept” were just empty words.
Just like that time, when they were reunited in Luolin, all her composure and indifference in the face of Chen Yi collapsed when he faced life and death.
She couldn’t accept the slightest mishap happening to him.
“Chen Yi…” Ruan Mian cried out of control, her throat seeming to be blocked, unable to speak for a while.
The sobbing sounds were like a myriad of needles, piercing Chen Yi’s heart at the same time, making him feel an indescribable pain.
Lingering, sharp, and long-lasting.
Chen Yi slightly sat up and hugged her in his arms. The scalding tears soaked into the thin fabric, making that small patch of skin seem to be infected with warmth.
His throat felt dry, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down several times. His lips moved along with it, but he couldn’t utter a single word.
After a long while, the crying gradually subsided, followed by a long silence.
Ruan Mian sat there, her head lightly resting against his waist and abdomen when he held her, the fabric against her cheek warm and damp.
Chen Yi raised his hand and pinched the back of her neck, as if to comfort her. “It’s alright now.”
She didn’t make a sound, only raising her hand to hug him. After a long time, she finally spoke, her voice still carrying a hint of crying. “I never used to make sincere wishes on my birthday because I felt I already had what I wanted, and the things I couldn’t get couldn’t be achieved just by making a wish.”
“I’m not a very greedy person.”
She said, “I only made one wish this year.”
Chen Yi lowered his eyes to look at her. “What?”
“I hope…” Ruan Mian raised her head, her eyes moist and bright, saying word by word with extraordinary seriousness, “Chen Yi will be safe and sound for life, living to a hundred years old.”
The ward was only quiet for a moment. Chen Yi raised his hand to wipe away the tears on her face, then took the two rings from her clenched right hand and knelt down on one knee.
Ruan Mian’s expression froze, as if somewhat caught off guard.
“It’s not a proposal.”
Chen Yi’s eyes held a gentle smile. “This was originally meant to be your birthday gift, but now I think, let it be a witness to our promise.”
He rubbed the slightly smaller ring with his fingertips. “I know it’s unrealistic for me to say that I won’t get hurt again in future missions, but I promise you…”
Chen Yi held her right hand and slowly slid the ring onto her ring finger, until it stopped perfectly at the end. He lowered his head and kissed the ring, then raised his head again, his gaze focused on her, his tone slow and solemn, “In the days with you, I will definitely come back to see you safe and sound.”
You are where my heart lies, and even more so, where my life belongs. You are my unwavering heroic dream, day after day. From now on, as long as you are here, I will definitely come back.
Ruan Mian looked at him, her eyelashes fluttering, the tip of her nose starting to feel sour. A teardrop happened to fall on the spot he had just kissed, sliding down along her fingertip.
She cried in disarray, saying “okay” through her blurry vision.
In 2009, Ruan Mian made a wish in the smoke-filled temple, to be able to see him year after year.
In 2013, Ruan Mian made a wish amidst the sea of people, blessing him with smoothness in all matters, year after year.
Ruan Mian was indeed not a very greedy person.
In the more than ten years she had known Chen Yi, she had only had two wishes related to him, and now, the third one.
She hoped that Chen Yi would be safe and sound for life, living to a hundred years old.
More than ever, she hoped that this was a wish that could be fulfilled forever.
The winter in City B was long and cold. Northern cities had a lot of snow. After New Year’s Day, heavy snow filled the air every day, turning the entire city into a white expanse. The sub-zero temperatures made people feel chilled to the bone.
Chen Yi had been seriously injured before, and with the approaching year-end, Song Huai couldn’t help but be partial, specially giving him two months of sick leave.
Grandma Liu Wenqing’s intention was for him to stay at the family compound, where she and the aunts could easily take care of him, but Chen Yi insisted on staying at Ruan Mian’s place.
“My wounds still need to be dressed regularly now. Ruan Mian is a doctor, so if she’s at home, I don’t have to make special trips to the hospital to change the dressings. Moreover, she knows what to avoid, so she can pay more attention to the diet.”
Chen Yi said, “No, we’re not sleeping in the same room. I’m sleeping in the second bedroom.”
Liu Wenqing instructed over the phone, “Then I’ll have Uncle Liu send you some vegetables and meat later. Don’t go out in such cold weather.”
“Okay, thank you, Grandma.”
“Now that you’re staying at Ruan Mian’s place, she has to go to work during the day and take care of you when she comes back at night. If you have nothing to do, do some things within your ability. Don’t just lie there and be a big shot.”
“I know.”
As he said this, Chen Yi was holding the phone in one hand and stirring the soup simmering in the pot with a ladle in the other.
While Ruan Mian was really lying on the sofa in the living room like a big shot, watching TV.
After hanging up the phone, Chen Yi turned off the stove and came out of the kitchen. He walked over to the sofa and looked down at Ruan Mian with his arms crossed.
She felt her scalp tingle from his gaze and asked in a low voice, “What’s wrong?”
Chen Yi frowned and slowly sat down beside her, his voice sounding a bit weak. “The wound seems to hurt a little.”
“Ah?”
Ruan Mian’s expression became tense. She raised her hand to lift his clothes and checked, finding no major issues. She couldn’t help but say, “I told you not to stand for long periods.”
“Who am I doing it for if not to serve someone?”
Chen Yi pinched her cheek and pulled her onto his lap. “Ungrateful.”
Ruan Mian was afraid of pressing on his wound, so she scooted back a little. “But I can’t cook.”
Chen Yi had only been living there for a few days when Ruan Mian tried to follow online tutorials to brew some nourishing soup for him. After experiencing a series of failures, Chen Yi, in order to avoid eating any more dark cuisine, took the initiative to offer to take care of his three meals a day and her dinner.
Chen Yi chuckled and played with her hand wearing the ring.
Ruan Mian inexplicably sensed a hint of mockery in his laugh. She pinched his ears with both hands, trying to find an excuse for herself, “Besides, you said it yourself. As long as there’s one person in the house who can cook, it’s fine.”
“Yes.”
He laughed and sighed, teasing, “So, didn’t I just lift a rock only to drop it on my own foot1?”
After dinner that evening, Chen Yi and Ruan Mian discussed the time to return to Pingcheng and also brought up the matter of meeting the parents.
Ruan Mian chewed on a jelly. “I’m taking all my annual leave together this year. With some overdue leave from before, I have about ten days or so, but I only start my holiday on New Year’s Eve.”
“Then let’s wait until after New Year’s Eve.”
Chen Yi turned his head to look at her. “I’ll also discuss with my parents and see which day is suitable.”
“Then how about I go over on New Year’s Eve?”
Chen Yi refused in a flat tone, “No.”
“Why?”
“This year is the first year. I should come over first to pay New Year’s greetings to your parents.”
She laughed. “Okay.”
Chen Yi kissed her for a while, then sat back, holding her wrist. “Are you staying at Uncle Ruan’s place this year or going to Pingjiang Xixiang for the New Year?”
“At my dad’s place.”
Ruan Mian was already discussing this matter with Ruan Mingke on her phone. After a few seconds, she looked up and asked him, “My dad wants me to ask if there’s anything you’d like to eat.”
Chen Yi wasn’t picky about food. “Anything is fine with me.”
Ruan Mian’s fingers quickly tapped on the keyboard, mumbling, “Then when are you going back? Are you going with me?”
“I’ll go a day before you.”
Chen Yi had other arrangements on New Year’s Eve and wouldn’t make it back on the same day. “Have you booked your flight ticket?”
“Not yet.”
“Shall I book it together with mine?”
“Sure.”
In the remaining few days, Ruan Mian became even busier, leaving early and returning late. Sometimes she didn’t even return home at all. Soon, it was time for Chen Yi to go back to Pingcheng.
He bought a flight ticket for three o’clock in the afternoon. At noon, he came to the hospital to have lunch with Ruan Mian. Afterwards, he went straight to the airport from the hospital.
Ruan Mian only saw the message he sent after landing when she finished her work in the early hours of the morning.
She drove out of the hospital and stopped by the roadside to reply to the message. She then tossed her phone aside, but didn’t receive a response from Chen Yi by the time she got home.
Ruan Mian guessed that he was already asleep at this hour. She sent a goodnight message and turned off her phone.
Early the next morning, Chen Yi woke up and saw the message Ruan Mian had sent at three in the morning. Worried that she might oversleep and miss her ten o’clock flight, he made a voice call to her.
It took a while for the call to be answered. “Chen Yi, I’m so sleepy. How about I buy an afternoon flight instead? The New Year’s Eve dinner is in the evening anyway.”
Chen Yi laughed, “Then you might as well not come back until after the New Year.”
She mumbled and grumbled like a child when it came to getting out of bed. Chen Yi found it amusing and felt a bit soft-hearted. He compromised, “Then shall I change your flight to the afternoon for you?”
“Never mind.”
Ruan Mian said, “I’m already up.”
“I’ll pick you up at the airport when you arrive.”
“No need. Has it snowed in Pingcheng?”
Ruan Mian pulled open the curtains. “It seems to have cleared up in B City.”
Chen Yi also turned his head to look out the window. “It hasn’t snowed this year.”
“It hasn’t snowed in Pingcheng for many years.”
Southern cities didn’t have much snow, especially in recent years with global warming. It snowed even less, and even winters were not as cold as they were in the early 2000s.
Chen Yi stayed on the phone with Ruan Mian until she hung up to leave the house. After washing up, he took his phone and went downstairs for breakfast.
At the dining table, Song Jing asked about his plans for the day. “Go to Mianmian’s mother’s place for a bit later. We’re not spending the New Year there this year, but we still have to visit.”
Chen Yi was also prepared for this. “I know.”
“I’ve prepared the gifts for you.”
Song Jing noticed the ring on his ring finger and asked, “Did you propose?”
Chen Yi shook his head. “Not yet.”
Song Jing didn’t ask further and only reminded him, “You should have a sense of propriety in everything.”
“Mm.”
Song Jing said, “Your father and I are going to the airport later to pick up your grandparents. The things are placed on the coffee table in the living room. If you’re not sure, just ask the auntie.”
Chen Yi nodded. “Okay.”
After eating, Chen Yi sat at home for a while. When it was about time, he picked up the gifts and went to Fang Ruqing’s place. He didn’t stay long, just drank a cup of tea and left.
Fang Ruqing walked him to the door and stuffed a red envelope into his pocket. “Take it. It’s not much, but it’s for good luck during the New Year.”
“Thank you, Auntie.”
Chen Yi didn’t refuse. “I’ll be going then. Don’t see me out. It’s cold outside.”
“Alright, hurry back.”
After leaving the Zhao family, Chen Yi took another alley to visit Li Zhi. After Li Zhi went to B City, he had been staying there. When Chen Yi was hospitalized, he came to visit once.
At this moment, he was wearing a thin black V-neck sweater, counting accounts behind the counter as he used to. Chen Yi walked in. “When did you come back?”
“The day before yesterday.”
Li Zhi put down the calculator. His features hadn’t changed much over the years. He was handsome and bright in his youth, and now he was gentle and mature.
Chen Yi stood across from him and reached out to take a lollipop from the side. His gaze inadvertently swept over Li Zhi’s V-neck collar and paused for a moment. He looked at him and said leisurely, “You have a girlfriend now?”
“Huh?”
Li Zhi shook his head. “No.”
“Then this…” Chen Yi pointed to the area below his own collarbone and smiled meaningfully. “What kind of mosquito can bite like this?”
Li Zhi looked down and then raised his head, raising an eyebrow at him. He laughed lightly. “Who said you can only have a girlfriend?”
Chen Yi’s expression froze, as if in disbelief, but he quickly came back to his senses and said lazily as usual, “Alright, it’s really a mosquito I didn’t expect.”
Li Zhi laughed. “Get lost.”
Chen Yi made a sound of agreement, his tone casual as always. “I’m going. Let’s have a meal together sometime. You can bring your partner.”
“Okay.”
Chen Yi walked out of Pingjiang Xixiang and stood at the intersection, feeling the cold wind for a while. Then he walked towards home with his hands in his pockets.
Everyone in this world had their own path to walk. Whether the journey was bumpy or smooth sailing, the path was their own. How they walked it was not for others to decide.
Since Li Zhi had chosen this path, it was his life and had nothing to do with others.
After returning home from Pingjiang Xixiang, Chen Yi received a message from Ruan Mian saying she had boarded the plane. Only then did he drive to Ruan Mingke’s place.
The Ruan family had few members. During the New Year, it was only Ruan Mingke, Zhou Xiujun, and the auntie who had been living with them to take care of the household. Ruan Mingke cooked lunch himself.
After eating, Chen Yi glanced at the time. It was just past twelve o’clock. The flight from B City to Pingcheng took several hours. Ruan Mian’s flight would arrive at Pingcheng Airport at the earliest by one o’clock in the afternoon.
The Ruan family didn’t have an extra room. Ruan Mingke came out of the study. “Chen Yi, go and sleep in Mianmian’s room for a while. They will start making dumplings at three o’clock in the afternoon.”
Chen Yi put down his teacup. “Okay.”
“It’s the room inside. The bedsheets and quilt are all newly changed.”
After saying that, Ruan Mingke went back into the study. He had been busy with projects recently and had to attend meetings even during the New Year.
This was Chen Yi’s first time entering Ruan Mian’s room. The last time he came over for dinner, worried about leaving a bad impression, he and Ruan Mian talked in the living room.
The room wasn’t particularly large, but there were quite a lot of things. Bookshelves, bookcases, clothing racks, wardrobes… A 1.8-meter double bed took up half of the space.
Books and Lego models were piled up in every corner. There were also two cardboard boxes on the desk.
Chen Yi saw a few photos of Ruan Mian from her student days on the bookshelf. He looked at them one by one, then walked over to the desk.
The tape on both boxes had been cut open. The lids weren’t tightly closed, and one of them even had a split edge. The bottom had compression marks, the kind that would be left if dropped from a height.
Chen Yi lifted the lid of the more severely damaged box. Inside were Ruan Mian’s old test papers and notebooks from No. 8 Middle School.
There was also an old-fashioned mobile phone.
He had no intention of prying into Ruan Mian’s past, but just as he was about to close the box, he saw a corner of a piece of draft paper with his name written on it.
That piece of paper was like the key to opening a treasure chest, full of temptation.
Chen Yi hesitated for a moment, but in the end, curiosity overpowered reason. He reached out and pulled out that piece of draft paper. The corner that was showing earlier was just the tip of the iceberg.
On that yellowed draft paper, his name was written all over.
There were scribbles and also carefully written ones, stroke by stroke. But more were written and then scribbled out with a pen.
The traces of the faded ink after years were clear, but the fondness hidden behind this piece of paper had never faded.
Chen Yi felt as if he had returned to that summer night when he first learned that Ruan Mian had once liked him. A dense, tingling sourness spread in his heart.
He put down the draft paper and picked up a black notebook placed on top of everything.
Many years later, when Chen Yi recalled this afternoon that seemed very ordinary at first, he still felt that he had used up too much of his good luck at the age of sixteen or seventeen, to the point that it took him so many years to find the key to open the treasure.
- Lifted a rock only to drop it on my own foot (????????? b?n q? shítou zá zìj? de ji?o): A metaphor for doing something that ends up hurting oneself. ↩︎
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