The cool evening breeze dispersed some of the alcohol smell on their bodies. Xu Xingchun’s profile was hidden in shadow, his hand hanging down and resting on her waist.
Fu Xueli traced the pattern on Xu Xingchun’s jacket with her fingernail. She lowered her head, her ears turning red as she asked, “When did you come back?”
“Today,” Xu Xingchun said with half-closed eyes. “You already asked me that.”
To untangle the complex relationships within the drug trafficking group and sort out the details of the case, everyone at the bureau had been extremely busy these past few days. After handing over his work, he returned to the neighboring city, having slept less than five hours total over several days.
“Oh…” Fu Xueli mumbled very quietly, looking a bit innocent. “I forgot. My memory hasn’t been very good lately. Do you have anything else to do?”
“Yes.”
“Huh?” Only then did she look up at his face, breathing out a faint mist. “How are you even busier than me? Can your body handle it?”
Their eyes met. Xu Xingchun’s fingers tilted Fu Xueli’s chin up, his eyes filled with undisguised desire.
He didn’t like answering such boring questions.
Not being able to kiss her was a waste of time.
Fu Xueli’s heart fluttered. She obediently tilted her chin up and had just closed her eyes when her phone suddenly rang.
There was a cacophony of voices on the other end. Song Yifan was clearly drunk, slurring his words as he laughed about something. “Where did you go, Fu Xueli? We’re going to Li’s place for a party later. Are you coming?”
“I…” Fu Xueli tilted her head, glancing at Xu Xingchun who was so close. After pondering for two seconds, she refused, “I’m not going.”
That idiot Song Yifan who partied every night was just ruining the mood.
“Damn, you’re ditching us? What are you going to do if you’re not coming?”
“None of your business.” Her speech was a bit unnatural as she stepped back slightly—Xu Xingchun’s faint breathing was distracting her.
Song Yifan asked suspiciously, “Who are you with?”
Fu Xueli’s mind was in a muddle. “Alright, I’m done talking. I’m going home to cultivate myself. You guys have fun.”
She hung up the phone without waiting for Song Yifan’s response.
The back of her neck was supported by someone’s hand. Almost immediately, Xu Xingchun’s lips pressed against hers, gently prying open her teeth.
As she was kissed into a daze, she was still thinking.
Did Xu Xingchun have some kind of hunger disorder…?
On a snowy night, snow still weighed down the tree branches and covered the ground, making a crunching sound when stepped on.
They took a detour. It was cold on this snowy day, and Fu Xueli was afraid of being recognized, so she wore the full set of mask, hat, and scarf, with only her eyes showing. There were many people coming and going at the hotel entrance at this time, including quite a few old classmates who had just finished dinner and were leaving in high spirits, all tipsy.
She walked with her hands in her pockets, following slightly behind Xu Xingchun at a leisurely pace, maintaining some distance between them. Her gaze wandered around, taking in the night scenery of the neighboring city, when she inadvertently made eye contact with someone.
“Xu Xingchun.” Ma Xuanrui stood not far away, shifting her gaze as she greeted him casually.
Fu Xueli stopped in her tracks along with Xu Xingchun, who nodded in acknowledgment.
Along the way, Ma Xuanrui wasn’t the first to recognize Xu Xingchun and greet him. At most, she had the added identity of being a colleague.
As they passed by Ma Xuanrui, she asked in a deliberately casual tone, “By the way, I still have your clothes. When will you come pick them up? I’ve already washed them for you.”
Her voice was soft, neither loud nor quiet, but just loud enough to reach Fu Xueli’s ears.
Xu Xingchun seemed to think for a moment, showing little reaction.
“Throw them away,” was his answer as they brushed past.
On the way to take her home, Xu Xingchun drove. While stopped at a red light, Fu Xueli asked as if casually, “What’s going on with you and Ma Xuanrui? How long have you been colleagues?”
She rested her chin on her hand, staring ahead aimlessly as she spoke in a casual tone.
“I don’t know.”
He hadn’t paid attention to that.
Fu Xueli turned her head, saying vaguely, “When we had the class dinner before, I saw you chatting with her. What were you talking about?”
Xu Xingchun replied offhandedly, “Nothing important.”
Though she had many things she wanted to say, Fu Xueli pressed her lips together, suddenly losing the mood. She adjusted her hair.
An indescribable emotion exploded in her heart.
She couldn’t bring herself to ask about the clothes Ma Xuanrui had mentioned.
Whenever it came to matters related to Xu Xingchun’s past few years, she would subconsciously avoid them. She felt both guilty and cowardly. Before this, Fu Xueli had thought for a long time about whether to have an open and honest talk with him, but later decided against it. She was a bit afraid to face it, always feeling powerless when it came to his past.
She knew she had wronged Xu Xingchun, so she always felt guilty and nervous about many things, unable to bring them up.
But some things, even if you try to pretend they never happened, still remain like a thorn in your heart, causing a slight ache and pain.
When they reached the familiar villa residential area, the car slowly stopped at the iron gate.
“I’ll be going then…” Fu Xueli glanced at Xu Xingchun’s silent profile. She spoke slowly, mustering her spirits, “Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve. Where will you be spending it?”
Whether it was psychological or not, she felt that the atmosphere, which had somewhat eased, became awkward again.
“I won’t be in the neighboring city,” Xu Xingchun replied after a pause.
Remembering that his mother had passed away early on, she made a sound of acknowledgment and looked ahead again. She raised her hand to unbuckle her seatbelt, preparing to leave. “Alright then… we’ll keep in touch by phone.”
Just as she moved, her wrist was suddenly grabbed.
“Stay for five more minutes,” Xu Xingchun said.
So for those few minutes, they just sat in the car, each silent, neither speaking. Fu Xueli leaned back lazily against the seat, zoning out for a while until the distant clock tower began to chime rhythmically.
When the clock finished chiming, she opened the door and got out. Without speaking or making a sound, she closed the car door and walked briskly forward by herself.
The snow hadn’t stopped falling that night. The air was a bit fresher, but the gloomy sky always made one’s mood not so good.
Fu Xueli suddenly realized that there were too many problems between her and Xu Xingchun, and their relationship was too fragile. Even the slightest thing could make them this uncomfortable.
It was truly disheartening…
After walking about a hundred meters, Fu Xueli’s steps gradually slowed down, her heart feeling heavy. Unable to resist, she quietly looked back.
—There was no one there.
Why was Xu Xingchun still the same as before, so indifferent and uninteresting, not understanding women’s little tricks when they’re upset?
Fu Xueli felt a bit breathless.
In high school, Xu Xingchun was like two different people inside and outside of school. Whenever he was alone with her, he would never leave her side, completely different from the class monitor others saw. This led to Fu Xueli’s entertainment time being largely occupied, so she was very dissatisfied and would often get a little moody with Xu Xingchun, who was always good-tempered to a fault.
Later, after graduating from high school, Xu Xingchun’s possessiveness became even worse. Because of this, Fu Xueli almost broke up with him. Since then, Xu Xingchun developed a habit – he learned to stop restricting her from leaving all the time.
Sometimes when they argued, she would leave angrily, and he would stay silent. It wasn’t until one time when Fu Xueli looked back that she realized he had always been quietly following behind her, alone.
Looking very lonely, with no way out.
Thinking of this, her chest suddenly hurt. An intangible sense of guilt appeared again, crushing her heart.
Actually… just now it was her being moody and throwing a tantrum again. She knew Xu Xingchun wasn’t good with words, was quiet, and didn’t know how to coax people. Why was she getting angry with him?
If she just left like this, he would definitely be miserable alone and wouldn’t say anything.
The more Fu Xueli thought about it, the more uneasy she felt in her heart. Her steps completely stopped.
Sure enough, the white Audi hadn’t left, parked in place with the engine off. It was dark all around as Fu Xueli walked over, her footsteps very light.
The car was parked to the side, and Xu Xingchun sat alone on a wooden bench not far away. In the flickering light, he had an unlit cigarette loosely held between his lips.
On such a freezing night, sitting there, he seemed unaware of the cold.
If she hadn’t come back, would he have sat there alone until dawn before leaving?
“—Xu Xingchun.”
Hearing this voice, Xu Xingchun’s frozen thoughts eased. He looked up towards the source of the sound.
Fu Xueli had returned at some point and was now walking into the light. She looked tired as she said, “Why are you sitting here alone again?”
She had just selfishly left him alone again.
“……” With the cigarette between his lips, he looked at her, unable to speak.
Fu Xueli pouted, taking the cigarette from Xu Xingchun’s mouth and using two fingers to smooth out the furrow between his brows. “Stop frowning.”
Xu Xingchun raised his hand, grasping her slender fingertips. His voice was a bit hoarse, “Why aren’t you happy?”
“Me?” This question was so sudden that Fu Xueli was stunned for a moment before realizing what Xu Xingchun was asking.
They stood and sat in the cold winter night with the chilly wind blowing. Fu Xueli sniffled and said honestly, “I was upset about you and Ma Xuanrui.”
After a moment of silence, he spoke, “We’re not close.”
So Fu Xueli immediately followed up, “Then why were your clothes at her place?”
“We had to pretend to be siblings for a mission earlier. She wore my clothes,” he explained simply, in a way that was immediately understandable.
But Fu Xueli was still bothered. “Then why didn’t you tell me what you talked about?”
“……”
In the dim night, his face was still handsome. Xu Xingchun’s tone remained unchanged as he said lightly, “I rarely remember unimportant things.”
His few short sentences immediately brightened Fu Xueli’s mood.
She hadn’t expected her emotions to fluctuate so much.
How deeply must she be infatuated with Xu Xingchun to be controlled to this extent?
It was too intense, and too sudden.
Actually, it wasn’t just him who was addicted; she was too.
She had just realized it a bit late.
With her mood improved, Fu Xueli’s voice softened. She put her hand on Xu Xingchun’s shoulder and said with concern: “In the future, if you don’t want me to leave, just say directly that you want me to stay. Don’t sit here alone like an idiot. Aren’t you tired?”
Thinking of her own immature behavior, Fu Xueli hesitated for a moment before apologizing to him for the first time, “Alright, I admit I was at fault too. I’m sorry, I was thoughtless. I knew you would be upset, but I still got out of the car and left. I’ll make it up to you slowly, okay?”
Compared to Xu Xingchun, Fu Xueli had too many tricks and schemes. Ordinary people would have no defense against such sweet talk, let alone him.
She crouched on the ground in front of him, her legs bent, like an obedient pet.
“Come here.” Xu Xingchun leaned forward and pulled her up. Fu Xueli was dazed as she lifted her head, suddenly colliding with his chest. She hissed in pain.
Xu Xingchun knew he had used too much force, but he couldn’t control himself at the moment.
Using all the self-control of a mature man, he still couldn’t hold back. He lowered his head to sniff her cheek, his warm breath brushing past as he asked, “When are you going back?”
Fu Xueli embraced him without saying anything.
After a long while, her red lips parted slightly as she said in a muffled voice, “I don’t have to go back.”
If she says she’s not going back, then she’s not going back.
It’s not like she’s underage anymore.
Fu Xueli called home, saying she was going to play with Li Jieyi and the others, and would probably stay overnight.
After hanging up, her emotions overflowed. She took Xu Xingchun’s hand and said, “Let’s go, big sister will take you to get a room in a hotel.”
They wandered the streets of the neighboring city until midnight before going to a hotel. She was very sensitive to cold, so they waited until the heater warmed up the room a bit. Only then did Fu Xueli take off her coat, leaving just a sweater on.
She had been running around all day and had worked up quite a sweat, feeling uncomfortably sticky. She told Xu Xingchun she was going to take a hot shower first.
In the steamy bathroom, she closed her eyes and let the water flow over her face.
After washing, she examined her face in the mirror, absent-mindedly drying her hair with a small towel as she recalled everything that had happened that night.
When she pushed open the bathroom door and came out, Xu Xingchun was leaning against the wall. In the dimly lit hallway, their eyes met unexpectedly.
She couldn’t settle her gaze. Pursing her lips, she stammered, “You can go wash now…”
Why is he standing here…
Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Fu Xueli continued drying her hair, but from the corner of her eye she saw Xu Xingchun taking off his coat, piece by piece, tossing them onto the back of a chair.
Why isn’t he undressing inside?
Fu Xueli thought to herself, “Don’t look at what you shouldn’t.” She couldn’t look.
She had to resist.
After resisting for a while, holding onto the thought that it would be a waste not to look, Fu Xueli half-closed her eyes and turned her head.
—He was already half-undressed.
Xu Xingchun seemed unaware of her gaze. He crossed his arms and lifted them over his head, pulling his shirt up and off from the bottom.
Due to the nature of his work, he had always maintained a considerable level of exercise and had a great body.
His abs were firm, with defined lines disappearing into his low-rise pants. The curves were beautiful, with elastic and tight skin, both sexy and restrained.
Fu Xueli’s gaze moved downward, not shying away.
Lust is like a knife at your throat, and he was truly tempting.
As she listened to the sound of running water, she lay restless in bed, her head spinning and heart pounding.
When she felt the room lights go out, after some rustling sounds, Xu Xingchun sat shirtless on the edge of the bed, his body still damp from the shower.
It was pitch black. She held her breath for half a minute.
He didn’t move at all, sitting silently with his head lowered like a statue. The room was left in complete silence.
Fu Xueli heard herself ask seriously, “Xu Xingchun, are you going to just chat with me under the covers?”
“……”
Fu Xueli struggled for a moment, thinking he must be a block of wood to not understand. Just as she was about to speak, the covers were thrown back and she was forcefully pinned down.
It wasn’t until half an hour later that Fu Xueli truly understood the meaning of “reaping what you sow.”
She barely got any peaceful rest that night. In the middle of the night, she was pulled over again, her clothes tugged open. By the end, her wrists were pinned to the pillow, all the strength drained from her body as she reached her limit.
Xu Xingchun remained silent, restraining himself with muffled gasps. On the smooth silk bedsheet, he gripped her waist, his fingers exploring her lips, wet with saliva as he traced her tongue.
It wasn’t enough.
Still not enough.
No amount of stimulation could satisfy his greed.
The next afternoon, when Fu Xueli woke up and rubbed her eyes, her first thought was to curse Xu Xingchun’s entire family. Last night had truly been insane. Xu Xingchun showed no signs of resting, ignoring all her pleas. He coupled with her like a primal animal that had taken Viagra. Looking back, it was like a nightmare.
The space beside her was empty, a corner of the blanket turned up but no longer warm. She had absolutely no energy, lying in bed for a long while to recover.
After a night of exertion, her body ached all over in unspeakable ways. When she tried to roll over, she bit her lip in pain, suppressing a moan.
How could his desire be so strong…
With effort, she extended her bare white arm to pick up the alarm clock on the table to check the time. As she put it back, she lost control and the clock fell onto the carpet. It rolled to a stop at someone’s feet.
Fu Xueli’s mind was in a fog as she stared at the culprit who had left her paralyzed in bed, unable to move.
Xu Xingchun wore black pants but no shirt, his upper body bare. He came in from the balcony.
She really couldn’t understand why he’d go out to get cold in the middle of winter. As their eyes met, Fu Xueli looked away, turning her back to him somewhat evasively. He grasped her hand again as he leaned down, a cool breath entering her nostrils.
“You’re awake?” he asked.
While waiting for her to wake up, Xu Xingchun had smoked several cigarettes outside. With tall buildings all around and her sleeping just meters away, the time hadn’t passed too slowly or painfully.
Fu Xueli pushed him away, curling up under the covers and turning her back to him.
“What’s wrong?”
Their gazes met in the air. After a moment of silence in the room, her loud accusation rang out.
“What do you think?! Last night you… last night… you didn’t care about me at all…” She trailed off halfway, unable to continue, whether from embarrassment or something else.
“Are you finished?” Xu Xingchun’s breath was close.
After her embarrassment faded, thinking about it made her a bit angry again. Afraid he might kiss her, Fu Xueli quickly blocked him with her arm, covering her mouth as she said in a muffled voice, “Can you move away from me a bit?”
Propping himself up with one hand by her ear, Xu Xingchun’s gaze lowered slightly. He set his lighter and cigarettes aside, then leaned in, gripping her cheeks and forcing open her teeth to kiss her.
His actions told her the answer.
—No, he couldn’t.
Fu Xueli tried frantically to push Xu Xingchun away, but found she couldn’t break free at all. Her heart raced. She held her breath for a second or two, then said with some annoyance, “You’re not being good to me at all right now.”
“Mm…” His movements were natural as he gently kissed her reddened eyes, carelessly not denying it.
His hair was soft, tickling her cheeks.
After a long while, Xu Xingchun finally got off of Fu Xueli.
By three in the afternoon, Fu Chenglin finally discovered his adopted sister had disappeared again. When he called, it took a long time for her to answer.
Fu Xueli lay at the head of the bed, feeling completely lazy and lacking energy. She couldn’t even be bothered to speak as she listened to Fu Chenglin nag.
A silver spoon lightly tapped her lips as Xu Xingchun said, “Open your mouth.”
She obediently opened her mouth slightly, chewing the food before swallowing with a gulp.
Fu Chenglin noticed some noise and asked, “Who are you with?”
Fu Xueli made an uncomfortable expression but didn’t speak, her gaze falling on the TV not far away.
The signal on the other end suddenly worsened, the voice becoming alternately loud and soft, muffled. “By the way, remember to come back for dinner tonight. Don’t always run wild outside until you forget your own name.”
“I got it.”
After agreeing, the call ended. Xu Xingchun wiped away some food from the corner of her mouth with his finger, continuing to feed her undisturbed.
Being fed at this age should have been embarrassing, but Fu Xueli accepted it without a second thought. Xu Xingchun didn’t seem to mind either. They had both gone a bit mad.
Their current mode of interaction was too strange. To be specific, it was hard to describe. Since waking up, Fu Xueli hadn’t gotten out of bed or walked on her own once.
Using the bathroom, brushing teeth, washing face, eating, drinking – Xu Xingchun carried her for all of it. Her feet never touched the ground.
At first, Fu Xueli was happy to order him around, but later no matter what she wanted to do, he did this.
The intimacy was too intense, requiring the sacrifice of some freedom. She really couldn’t handle it.
It felt like being a pet, locked up at home and cared for by him.
After mentioning she needed to go home for dinner that night, Xu Xingchun didn’t say anything or show any reaction. Fu Xueli lazily went to shower, lacking the energy. In her mind, she was considering when to tell Tang Xin about Xu Xingchun.
Lost in thought, she was suddenly embraced from behind.
The shower turned on, water pouring down from above.
Xu Xingchun’s wet hair was pushed back, revealing extremely delicate and handsome features. His skin was a cold white, collarbones sharp.
“Why did you come in again?” she asked helplessly. She peeked out, turning to ask the question before being forced to swallow his saliva again.
In the enclosed space, her heartbeat pounded in her ears, mingling with the sound of water.
The paradise inside her body was too wonderful.
Once inside, he couldn’t leave.
He hadn’t had enough of the taste of her flesh.
It was enough to kill him.
Fu Xueli was in a daze, her eyes unfocused. She had almost forgotten what she wanted to say earlier. Panting, she said incoherently, “You weren’t like this before.”
Her normally sharp personality was now unable to speak clearly.
“Like what?” He continued to press her, blood vessels visible in his eyes.
“I don’t know, just… not like this.”
He used to be someone who didn’t smile or joke around, who didn’t like to talk. It was unfair to his ascetic face, wanting to make love all the time.
Raw desire and nothing else.
“This is how I am.” Xu Xingchun’s voice was deep. “Fu Xueli, see me clearly.”
A long time ago, he loved her, so he tried his best to deceive her, forcing himself to be a normal person.
But deceiving for too long became a burden on him too.
She didn’t like constraints, so he tried his hardest, within the limits he could bear, to give her freedom.
For many years, Xu Xingchun had only been acting as the person Fu Xueli thought he was.
He knew he wasn’t really like that.
Sometimes he would think.
On a rainy day.
About breaking her legs.
Crushing her bones.
Locking her in a dark, cramped cage.
Then satisfying her desires inch by inch.
Until she could never leave him.
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