ATLAS TRANSLATES

In the bedroom, the frivolous atmosphere had completely dissipated, leaving only tranquility.

Tao Zhi lowered her head without speaking, playing with Jiang Qi Huai’s hand, from his fingertips to his distinct knuckles and long fingers, to his clear hand bones and slender wrist, then grasping his wrist bone.

For Tao Zhi, the past was simply the past, no need to bring it up again. While there had been grievances and resentment, there was more heartache and reluctance to let go.

People seem to be like this – when they themselves are hurt, they can move forward persistently and firmly. But once their actions indirectly affect important people in their lives, they start to question themselves, become lost, unsure how to move forward, uncertain whether their choices were right or wrong.

Tao Zhi even tried to put herself in Jiang Qi Huai’s position back then, wondering if she would have made exactly the same choices.

She didn’t want him trapped in past events. What she looked forward to was the future they would walk through together.

“So this is what dating is like,” she said softly. “There will be tears and unhappiness, two people with different personalities and thoughts need to adjust to each other, the gears need to mesh bit by bit, but most of the time it’s happy, you know?”

“Besides, why do you take all the blame on yourself? It wasn’t entirely your fault,” Tao Zhi lifted her head, looking at him dissatisfied. “You think you did wrong, but I don’t think I was completely right back then either. I was a bit impulsive too.”

She said reluctantly, forcing herself: “At that time I just felt betrayed by you for a moment. I already knew you had that awful personality where you wouldn’t say a word unless someone asked, and I knew why you would say those things, but I still let my temper get the better of me and didn’t ask anything.”

The young Jiang Qi Huai lacked honesty, while she had a touch too much impulsiveness.

Trying to be a perfect person is too difficult a thing.

It’s precisely because it’s difficult, because you hit walls, make mistakes, regret things, feel unwilling – that’s why people keep growing up.

No one is born perfect in every way.

She lifted his wrist slightly, her fingers slipping between his, their fingers intertwining, warm palms pressed together: “Look, we both made mistakes and missed chances, but we still made it to where we are now. That alone is precious enough, it shows how much I must like you.”

She repeated: “Jiang Qi Huai, I like you very much.”

Jiang Qi Huai’s eyelashes trembled slightly as he looked at her deeply.

She had always lived thoroughly and clear-headed.

Not dwelling on things that had passed, not fixating on irrelevant people, just following her purest desires forward.

Because of this, she was like an undying flame, forever warm and bright.

He didn’t speak. Tao Zhi held his hand and shook it: “Why aren’t you saying you like me too?”

She flung her hand and turned around, raising her hand to grab his ear, saying dissatisfied: “Hurry up, don’t you like me?”

Jiang Qi Huai let her pinch his ear, his ear standing up making him look like a big puppy.

She pulled him forward by his ear, and he naturally lowered his head, his slightly cool lips touching her forehead. He paused, his voice so soft it seemed to melt into the air: “I love you very much.”

Tao Zhi froze for a moment.

She was distracted for a moment, feeling as if she hadn’t even heard it. When she realized, she opened her eyes wide to look at him: “Say that again.”

Jiang Qi Huai tugged at the corner of his mouth: “Say what?”

“What you just said! Don’t play dumb.” Tao Zhi scrambled out of his embrace, swinging her long leg over to sit on him, her thighs pulling with soreness.

She let out an “ow,” her strength giving out as she flopped back down onto him limply.

Jiang Qi Huai sighed, his hand sliding under the blanket to slowly massage her legs: “Can’t you stay still for a moment?”

“Whose fault is this exactly?” Tao Zhi said gloomily.

Jiang Qi Huai said leisurely: “Mine.”

Tao Zhi raised her head, expressionlessly accusing: “Jiang Qi Huai, you’re never sincere when admitting your mistakes, especially when saying those two words ‘my fault’ – you’re not serious at all.”

“…”

Jiang Qi Huai wanted to take back his earlier thoughts about her not dwelling on the past. This little girl clearly held grudges and loved bringing up old accounts.

“I am being serious, it really was my fault.”

He lowered his eyes and laughed: “The princess can never be wrong.”

The next day, Tao Zhi slept in. When it was just getting light, she felt movement beside her as someone got up. She opened her eyes slightly and instinctively looked to the side.

Jiang Qi Huai was sitting on the edge of the bed. Noticing she was awake, he leaned down to kiss her: “I’m going to work, you sleep a bit more.”

Tao Zhi curled up under the blanket, nodding drowsily.

Jiang Qi Huai continued: “I’ll make you some porridge, just heat it up if it gets cold before you drink it.”

She buried her head in the pillow, too sleepy to talk, just wobbled her head twice to show she heard, then fell back asleep.

When she woke up it was almost noon.

She sat up yawning, looking at the somewhat unfamiliar bedroom and blanket covering her, taking a few seconds to remember where she was and what had happened last night.

Tao Zhi decided to give herself a day off to rest in bed.

She sent a WeChat message to Xu Sui Nian saying she wouldn’t be coming to the studio today, then wriggled back down into the covers, opening Fu Xi Ling’s WeChat.

Zhi Zhi Grape: I slept in.

Fu Xi Ling: Nice sleep in, was it good?

Tao Zhi didn’t know how to describe it, just sent one word back.

Fu Xi Ling: Alright, say no more, I understand.

In a good mood, Tao Zhi played with her phone while comfortably lounging in bed for a while, then got up to wash up and went to the kitchen to get a bowl of tomato egg drop porridge, drinking it leisurely.

After finishing, she picked out some books from Jiang Qi Huai’s bookshelf and curled up on the couch to read.

When relaxing, time passes especially quickly.

After ordering takeout for lunch, Tao Zhi received a call from Jiang He Sheng.

She answered while reading, responding lazily: “Hello.”

“You answer the phone quickly,” Jiang He Sheng said, “Why haven’t you replied on WeChat?”

“Hadn’t checked my phone,” Tao Zhi turned the page, “Why is Dr. Jiang free to look for me today?”

“I’m going to City A tomorrow for further studies, don’t know when I’ll be back to meet next time. Had some things I wanted to talk to you about,” Jiang He Sheng said, “Have lunch together?”

Tao Zhi: “Leaving tomorrow? But it’s almost New Year.”

“Mm, won’t be coming back for New Year, have to be on duty. The holiday is only a few days anyway,” Jiang He Sheng laughed, “What New Year is there for doctors?”

“That’s tough,” Tao Zhi glanced at her watch, “I already ate lunch, but if you’re not on duty tonight I’ll treat you to dinner, I’ll send you the address later.”

Jiang He Sheng agreed.

Tao Zhi chose a restaurant near Jiang Qi Huai’s company. Jiang Qi Huai had to work overtime today, and she calculated the timing would work out perfectly to go pick him up from work after dinner.

She went home to change clothes and put on makeup, arriving at the restaurant right on time.

Jiang He Sheng was always the type to arrive ten minutes early, and he was already sitting there waiting when Tao Zhi arrived.

They ordered food and casually chatted about recent happenings while eating.

Jiang He Sheng was capable and had a good personality. Being sent for further studies before thirty meant his future prospects were bright. Tao Zhi teased him: “Dr. Jiang is such a catch, handsome with a good job, lots of young nurses chasing after you at the hospital. You should find someone you like, save Uncle Jiang from constantly pushing you to date.”

Jiang He Sheng laughed: “What lots of young nurses? Really, no one.”

Tao Zhi took a sip of watermelon juice and said seriously: “Old Tao has been researching the dating market thoroughly lately. The two most popular types now are female teachers and male doctors. She mentions it so much even I know.”

“That’s why she tried to set us up before, right?” Jiang He Sheng glanced at her, saying jokingly, “My dad keeps talking about you whenever he comes home, says he sees you as his own daughter. Compared to you, I, his actual child, have no status at all.”

“That’s totally normal, you’ll get used to it,” Tao Zhi smiled, “After all, I’m loved by everyone.”

“He also asked what I thought of you.” Jiang He Sheng said.

“Oh? What did you say,” Tao Zhi said carelessly, “Did you tell him I could score 400 points when I had you as my tutor in high school?”

Jiang He Sheng: “Did you reach 400? It was 350 if I remember correctly.”

“…”

Tao Zhi looked at him expressionlessly, warning: “Dr. Jiang, I advise you to cherish our friendship.”

Jiang He Sheng laughed.

He watched her lower her eyes and pout, the young girl’s eyelashes long and thick like two small brushes, making one’s heart itch a little.

His smile faded slightly as he said gently: “I told him I thought you were very good.”

Tao Zhi waved her hand: “Of course I’m good.”

Jiang He Sheng continued: “It’s just that I was a bit cowardly, waited many years, but never dared to confess even once.”

Tao Zhi’s chopsticks paused as she raised her head.

Jiang He Sheng looked at her with a smile, his expression serious: “At first I thought you were too young, and I was sort of your teacher, so thinking about these things always felt a bit guilty. Later when you finished high school and went to university, because we’d known each other for so long, it became even harder to say anything.”

He lowered his head and gave a bitter smile: “Always felt that if certain words were said, we might not even be able to remain friends.”

Even someone as extremely insensitive to these matters as Tao Zhi completely understood his meaning.

She stared at him blankly, somewhat surprised and a bit shocked.

They had known each other for so many years, but Jiang He Sheng had never shown any hints of romance toward her. They didn’t even contact each other very frequently, just occasionally chatting on WeChat or meeting for meals.

He was like a gentle big brother, who would solve her troubles and patiently listen to her talk.

Tao Zhi put down her chopsticks, feeling at a loss.

“After that meal some time ago, I talked to my dad about this,” Jiang He Sheng continued, “I felt our families know each other well, we know each other’s character thoroughly. I don’t have any bad habits, my career prospects should be good after I return from further studies, and my personality is okay I think. Plus I’ve always… liked you.”

He took a deep breath, as if making up his mind: “I’ll be away from Beijing for quite a while, and I thought, if I don’t say it now, I might not get the chance later.”

Tao Zhi’s fingers fidgeted on the edge of the table as she said helplessly: “I…”

Seeing her reaction, Jiang He Sheng smiled again: “Why are you so nervous? I just thought I should let you know about this. If you haven’t found someone you like, maybe you could consider me?”

Tao Zhi lowered her head, licking her lips, her voice very soft: “I have a boyfriend.”

Jiang He Sheng froze.

With unfamiliar people, Tao Zhi could always reject them very directly, but facing a friend of many years, she suddenly felt unable to even string a sentence together properly.

“I’ve always seen you as a really, really good friend, like, one of my best friends. When I can’t figure something out I think about telling you,” Tao Zhi said slowly, “When something happened to my mom, you and your parents helped a lot. I always remember that and am very grateful, but…”

Tao Zhi paused, saying with some difficulty: “I have someone I like. I liked him since high school, liked him for many years, and recently met him again.”

As she said this, Jiang He Sheng inexplicably remembered from many years ago, during a sports meet when she was still in high school, a youth’s undisguised hostile cold gaze, and the blurry figure carrying her away in large strides.

“Ah…” Jiang He Sheng quickly covered up his momentary loss of composure, smiling again, “Is that so, our Zhi Zhi has found someone she likes.”

Tao Zhi pressed her lips together, like a child who had done something wrong, not speaking.

“It’s fine,” Jiang He Sheng waved his hand, looking at her with amusement, “Can you not look so serious? It’s not a big deal. Getting rejected after confessing, that’s quite normal. You can still treat me as a brother, as a friend in the future. You can tell me anything, just like before, nothing different.”

Tao Zhi nodded.

Though he said this, and she didn’t speak, they both clearly knew that some relationships would never be the same.

For the rest of the meal, Tao Zhi’s mood was obviously lower than before, but Jiang He Sheng still acted as if nothing had happened, behaving as usual. Tao Zhi didn’t want to show it either, forcing herself to brighten up and finish the meal.

Because of what happened at the table, they finished much later than planned, and during that time she hadn’t checked her phone. Jiang Qi Huai had sent her several messages, but Tao Zhi hadn’t seen any of them.

When they left the restaurant it had started snowing. The two stood at the entrance, Tao Zhi pulling her scarf up higher, thinking to say goodbye.

She looked at him, hesitating to speak.

“Ah, I’m really fine,” Jiang He Sheng laughed, “I’m leaving tomorrow, and probably won’t have many chances to meet after this. How about a hug?”

He looked at her with open arms, joking: “The friendly kind, just to give my romance that never had a chance to start a comforting ending.”

Tao Zhi hesitated, but still stepped forward slightly.

His gesture was polite and measured, keeping his body at a distance, his arms barely touching hers, his hand lightly patting her back twice as he said gently: “Alright, I’m satisfied. I wish little Tao Zhi all her wishes come true, and to always be with the one she likes.”

“Thank you,” Tao Zhi said quietly, “I hope you can find someone you like too. When you get married I’ll definitely give you a super big red envelope.”

Jiang He Sheng let go and stepped back.

Tao Zhi said goodbye to him without saying anything else, then turned to walk away.

She didn’t look back, but constantly felt someone watching her from behind. Feeling uncomfortable, she pulled her phone out of her coat pocket, only then seeing Jiang Qi Huai’s messages.

There were also two missed calls, the most recent one from two minutes ago.

Tao Zhi didn’t know why, but even though she hadn’t done anything wrong, she suddenly felt a bit guilty.

Just as she was about to call back, a third call came in.

The phone suddenly vibrated in her hand, making Tao Zhi jump. She quickly answered, clearing her throat: “Hello?”

Jiang Qi Huai didn’t speak.

Tao Zhi: “Hello? Moshi moshi? Sawadika?”

“Turn around,” Jiang Qi Huai said.

Tao Zhi’s heart sank.

She turned around to see Jiang He Sheng still standing at the restaurant entrance. He stood with his head down for a few seconds, then turned and walked to his car parked nearby, got in and drove away.

“I didn’t tell you to look at him,” Jiang Qi Huai said emotionlessly. “Look across the street.”

Tao Zhi nervously turned toward the other direction.

Jiang Qi Huai’s car was parked diagonally across from the restaurant entrance. He was leaning against the car, standing beside it. At this distance his expression wasn’t clear, only his silhouette visible as he looked over while holding the phone.

Tao Zhi’s heart suddenly started racing anxiously.

She said carefully: “You’re off work?”

Jiang Qi Huai didn’t speak.

Tao Zhi’s heart pounded faster, and she added: “Why didn’t you call me when you got off work?”

Jiang Qi Huai gave an extremely cold laugh.

Tao Zhi remembered the missed calls on her phone and felt even more guilty. She didn’t know when he had arrived or what he might have seen, even though her hug with Jiang He Sheng had maintained a safe distance, barely touching arms symbolically.

She softened her voice, testing: “Have you been waiting long?”

Jiang Qi Huai didn’t answer directly, only saying: “Look at the snow that’s fallen on my head.”

Tao Zhi: “…”

Jiang Qi Huai: “Do you see it?”

“I see it,” Tao Zhi said dryly.

“Can you see what color it is?” Jiang Qi Huai continued.

Tao Zhi: “…”

“You’re something else, Tao Zhi,” Jiang Qi Huai’s voice came through the phone, so cold it seemed like ice could form from it in this winter snow, “Got out of bed planning to pretend you don’t know me?”