Just as I was holding my phone, hesitating about how to apologize to Dad, the police station door suddenly opened. The director John rushed in, out of breath. When he saw me, he dramatically shouted, “Baobei! Baobei!” His plump body was panting heavily as his eyes carefully looked me up and down, then at the sleeping child in my arms.
I really wanted to roll my eyes. My name truly takes advantage of everyone. But the old man exclaimed, “It’s good that you’re okay! It’s good that you’re okay! Why did you call Jay? Why didn’t you call me? You’re really something! But you went home to get something! How could you get into a car accident? The filming of ‘Regretful Love’ starts tomorrow. Can you handle the first scene? Do you need to rest for a few days?”
Director John with the big beard is my benefactor who brought me into the industry. He’s usually amiable and kind, a lovable old man, and a famous director. But don’t be fooled by his usual carefree demeanor – he’s very strict when it comes to work!
He spoke too fast and I was truly confused about the situation. I could only dumbly hold the sleeping Gu Xiao’an in my arms and ask, “Director, we’re filming the first scene tomorrow?”
“Baobei, are you in shock? The first scene is very simple. Many years later, the female lead Gu Xinyao and Mo Qian meet again, immediately recognizing each other at first sight. It’s that simple, you can definitely do it!”
Only then did I start to make sense of things. I carefully looked at Gu Xiao’an in my arms, then at Director John in front of me. They were so real that I even pinched myself. It wasn’t a dream, it really hurt…
It turned out I had truly, truly gone back ten years, back to the very beginning, when Jay and I first met…
At this time, I was only eighteen, a woman’s prime age. At this time, Jay and I had only met once during a makeup photo shoot. At this time, no one knew I was the Gu family heiress and Xiao family youngest miss. At this time, I had yet to become famous. At this time, I was just a wild girl who had a falling out with Dad and was wandering the streets of Italy with a violin. At this time, I also didn’t know that the story of “Regretful Love” was actually the real story of the people around me. This story included my mother, my biological father, and my Dad who could never get the love he wanted.
After “Regretful Love” became a hit in my previous life, many people treated it as an “unofficial history”. Even I thought so myself. It wasn’t until later that I truly believed this story was the real story of my parents’ generation.
My mother’s name was Gu Xinyao. She was the president of the Shalira International Hotel chain, a noble lady from a wealthy family. When she was young, she met my biological father, Mo Qian, the president of the Mo corporation. From then on, her feelings for him ran deep. She spent her whole life in regret, misunderstandings, missed opportunities, and in waiting — exhausting herself.
My Dad, Xiao Moxiao, married my mother when she was already pregnant with me. He was the violinist of the popular band “Rainbow” at the time, known for his aloof and arrogant personality. He insisted on marrying my mother despite knowing she no longer had feelings for him, all because of his deep love for her.
But in the end, my mother passed away from rapidly deteriorating health after giving birth to me. My biological father was also terminally ill and, knowing his days were numbered, committed double suicide with my mother by cutting their wrists. They left behind only Xiao Moxiao, my Dad, that pitiful man who could never get the love he wanted, to raise me, the orphaned child.
“Regretful Love” was filmed in secret. Although it had a big budget and was a major production, it didn’t get much attention in the early stages. Other than Jay and a few veteran actors, the entire cast was made up of newcomers. At the time, no one imagined the drama would be a huge hit from the moment it aired, with its popularity soaring. The actors in the drama saw their worth skyrocket as they became instant stars.
I went on to act in many dramas after that, my acting skills improving step by step. But I always thought that if I had known from the start that this was Mom’s story, I would have worked even harder in my performance. Not just because I was interested in the story, but because I had a responsibility. Just like how Dad would hide away time and again, calling out to Mom’s photo, “Xinyao, I miss you.” That kind of responsibility…
In the end, I still called Dad and asked him to adopt Gu An. Dad’s sharp tongue never changes. He scolded me first but ultimately agreed. I didn’t change the little one’s name, figuring it was fate that he was also surnamed Gu. I filled out my personal details on the form at the police station. Old man John vouched for me before the police finally agreed to let me take Gu An home first. As for the subsequent procedures, someone would handle them.
When I walked out of the police station and got into the van John had waiting, I finally let out a sigh of relief. Only then did I feel the soreness in my arms from holding the little one the whole time. As soon as I sat in the car, I lowered my head and carefully looked at the still-sleeping Gu An, afraid of waking him. I didn’t dare move, only quietly loosening my right hand.
Though my mind was in a mess, I had no time to think about myself. I could only think about how to tell An’an that his mother was gone, my heart filled with indescribable bitterness…
At this moment, a pleasant male voice suddenly spoke up beside me, “He’s heavy. Let me hold him for you.” Before I could respond, Gu Xiao’an was gently taken from my arms. It was a man’s hand, the fingers long and good-looking. The warm fingertips lightly brushed against the back of my hand, but it didn’t feel revolting. I looked over in surprise and couldn’t help exclaiming, “Fu Junyan!?” How could it be him?
In my previous life, even when I was already a top-tier actress, Fu Junyan was still a name I had to look up to. An actress who had once worked with him said, “Fu Junyan ah, if he looks at you, just once. If you look back, you’ll give your whole life to him.”
He was indeed a captivating and exquisite man. I remember just a year later, when he debuted, he was only a supporting character. In the movie “Shadow”, he played an undercover agent who was ultimately gunned down while carrying the burden of a deep blood feud. In order to complete his mission, he watched his wife die before his eyes. He only had one line in the entire movie and only smiled for a second.
At the end of the story, dressed in black, he stood in a dark, decaying warehouse, gazing at the shipping container where the child he had risked his life to save was hidden. In that gloomy setting, he finally smiled. His eyes were so desolate, but the smile on his lips was so sincere and moving. In that instant, his smile was like a bloom of myriad flowers, warmly touching everyone’s hearts. Then, he spoke the gentlest words in the world. To that sleeping child, he said with sorrow and compassion, “May you be treated gently by this world…”
I watched Fu Junyan’s movie on a leisurely afternoon. When I saw that final scene, I was already teary-eyed for some unknown reason. I even wanted to reach out and cover his eyes, softly repeating, “May you also be treated gently by this world…” After that, I had the thought of wanting to work with him. Unfortunately, he suddenly went on hiatus, very abruptly.
From the moment of his debut, Fu Junyan nearly swept all the major awards. With his good looks, superb acting skills, and excellent character, his career had been smooth sailing. He had a huge fan base, with everyone calling him “Nobleman Junyan”; with the word nobleman coming from the poem line: ‘A gentleman as beautiful as jade, unparalleled in the world.’1. But he maintained an extremely low profile. Even his most devoted fans only knew bits and pieces about him.
In my previous life, during the period when he went on hiatus, it seemed everyone went crazy. His movie fans protested, the internet was in chaos, and incidents of suicide by jumping kept occurring. Some said meeting Junyan once would captivate you for life. His influence was truly frighteningly immense. But he withdrew from the public eye just like that, quietly and without a trace.
But him, Fu Junyan! How could he appear here? There was no role for him in “Regretful Love”…
Fu Junyan looked at me staring dumbly at him. His exquisite brows lifted as he glanced at Director John who was driving, then turned back to me with a gentle smile. He politely nodded and greeted, “Hello, Xiao’ai.”
I was dumbfounded again… “Xiao’ai!” How did he know I was called Xiao’ai? At this time, it seemed Jay hadn’t started calling me that yet…
I moved my lips for a long time, not knowing what to say. Then I heard him say to me in a friendly tone, “I’m sorry, Jay left his phone in the dressing room, so I answered your call. Xiao’ai, I’m glad you’re safe. You’ve had a fright on the way here. You should rest in the car for a bit.” His voice was pleasant, like warm jade gently tapping on steps. As he spoke, he handed me a thin blanket with one hand. I took the blanket and heard him look at the child in his arms and ask me, “Xiao’ai, what’s his name?” He even lovingly smoothed the little one’s hair.
“Gu An.”
He nodded and looked at me warmly, “Xiao’ai, get some good rest. I’ll take good care of Xiao An.”
Looking at his handsome features, I inexplicably obeyed and lay down in the reclined seat. This moment’s experience was truly too bizarre for me. I thought hard for a long time before finally realizing something was off. In a daze, I thought of retorting. So, I looked at Fu Junyan beside me and said, “Um, I’m not called Xiao’ai.”
“I understand, Xiao’ai.”
“My name is Gu Baobei, not Xiao’ai.” I suddenly became stubborn. At this time, I had not truly met Jay. Jay had not held my hand and called me Xiao’ai. I wanted to escape this name, escape that bitter unrequited love, escape far, far away…
Fu Junyan heard my agitated tone but didn’t get angry. He suddenly just quietly looked at me, his eyes full of tolerance. I blankly met his gentle gaze, as if about to be sucked in, making one intoxicated. Then he sighed and tucked me in with the blanket before saying, “Sleep, Xiao’ai. You’re tired.” In that moment, I suddenly felt a bit powerless. Such a gentle tone truly made me unable to refute him. I could only turn my head and stubbornly shut my eyes tight. I thought, with a man like this, when he looks at you, you really have to look away…
When I woke up again, it was because I heard the little one crying. I was startled and sat up with a start, only then seeing clearly that I was in a Mediterranean-style room.
The room was very large, elegantly decorated in blue and white tones throughout. Chrysanthemums hung on the bay window, and a light ocean-scented aroma wafted from the incense on the table, cozy and comfortable. I looked out the window and discovered there were actually rows of single-family villas outside!
I thought for a moment and shook my head in puzzlement again. In my previous life, after entering the set, the cast had always stayed in two rented apartment buildings. There absolutely weren’t such good living conditions. My identity was also always kept under wraps, so how could I get such preferential treatment? Even if there was, it wouldn’t be this obvious!…
I patted my forehead. With no time to think more, I followed Gu Xiao’an’s cries and walked out the door barefoot. But I had just reached the corner of the staircase when I heard a bark. Before I could react, a small white ball of fluff pounced straight at me. I fell on my bottom at the top of the stairs, completely unable to resist…
I was conflicted again. Just how chaotic was this situation? I wanted to cry!!…
“Xiao Qi, don’t make trouble.” Just as I was about to lose it, a pleasant male voice sounded in my ear again.
Following that, the little white dog barked once. On command, it backed off me, but not without bumping my arm with its head before leaving. I was already too shocked to move. Who was going to tell me whose dog this was!…
Then steady footsteps slowly approached. Fu Junyan walked over, single-handedly carrying Gu Xiao’an. An’an’s chubby little face looked down at me, his straight eyes brimming with moisture. His eyeballs rolled around and he finally blew a few bubbles from his lofty position. Waving his hand, he called out to me, “Jiejie2! Hug!”
I suddenly felt a bit powerless. I wanted to hold him but then remembered I had been knocked to the ground. Feeling a bit embarrassed, I retracted my hand, but Fu Junyan grabbed it and easily pulled me up. His hands were slender and good-looking. The little white dog barked again. He only had to glance at it and the dog obediently sat down and stopped barking.
At this time, he turned to me and said, “Xiao’ai, don’t be afraid. Xiao Qi has a good temper. It pounced on you because it likes you.”
I secretly glared at the little white dog that was excitedly sticking its tongue out at me. As if agreeing with Fu Junyan, it barked again. I was immediately speechless, sweat dripping down my forehead.
Fu Junyan didn’t let go of my hand. His palm was very warm. With him holding my hand, I tilted my head to look at his exquisite side profile, then at Gu Xiao’an in his arms. The little one’s big eyes were looking at me like a clever spirit, opened wide and making me want to laugh. A man like this, holding a child, was still so clean and handsome…
I didn’t know what I was thinking, but I just let him hold Gu Xiao’an with one hand and pull me along with the other, leading me downstairs to the dining table.
Then he let go of my hand. I paused, feeling the warmth leave my palm. I saw him pull out a chair for me. I sat down and Fu Junyan carefully handed Gu Xiao’an to me. As soon as I took An’an, he happily swung his little legs back and forth. He clung to me and mumbled, “Jiejie, drink bai bai…”
I froze for a moment. Although I had slept through the night, my head was still dizzy. An’an’s speech wasn’t very clear yet. Bai bai3 meant milk. So I turned to Fu Junyan, wanting to explain to him, but he already nodded in understanding. He gave me a reassuring look and I inexplicably felt immediately at ease. I lowered my head and coordinated with him to coax Gu Xiao’an, “An’an, wait a moment. Junyan-gege will get it for you.”
The little one obediently nodded. He took out two chocolates from his pocket, then propped his head up and blinked his big eyes at me.
I immediately understood his meaning and unwrapped one to feed him. Gu Xiao’an ate the chocolate, happily squinting his eyes and shaking his little head.
Seeing An’an so happy, I unwrapped another chocolate and fed it to him. But An’an shook his head. With pure and adorable eyes, he looked at me and pointed his little finger at me, saying, “Jiejie, eat.”
My heart warmed and I patted his head.
At this time, Fu Junyan had already turned and walked to the counter behind him. He glanced over at us, his eyes filled with a warm smile. While toasting bread, he said to me, “Xiao’ai, you’re up early. It’s only 7 o’clock. You don’t have many scenes today. You can go to makeup at 9.”
“An’an is going too!” The little one clapped his hands.
“Okay.” I tousled his hair and couldn’t help kissing his forehead. Such a little child, smelling sweetly of milk, it was so nice…
“I’m also going to the set. When you’re filming, I’ll watch him,” Fu Junyan nodded as he walked over, carrying milk in his hands, one in a baby bottle and one in a white glass. He handed me the glass and said: “Drink.” Then he tested the temperature of the milk in the bottle on the back of his hand before shaking it in front of Gu Xiao’an, reaching out to hold him. But Gu Xiao’an shrank back and wrapped his arms around my neck, saying, “No, Jiejie feed!”
I smiled at Fu Junyan and took the milk bottle from his hand, shaking my head and saying, “I’ll do it.” I thought to myself that Fu Junyan really seemed to like children and was genuinely good to Gu Xiao’an. One look at the bottle and you could tell it was newly bought, and he had carefully sterilized it with hot water. Thinking about it, no wonder he captured people’s hearts so thoroughly in the future. He was indeed a gentle and amiable person.
After some thought, I tried to reassure him, “Fu Junyan, when I came to Italy, I rented a place next door to their family. When An’an’s mom was busy, I would occasionally watch him if I was home. That’s why An’an and I are close. Don’t take it to heart. From now on, he’s my little brother.”
Gu Xiao’an gulped down the milk and even nodded, as if handling a serious matter, calling out, “Jiejie.” I laughed happily, unable to resist saying, “Too bad Jiejie isn’t old enough to be your mom.”
The little one actually turned his head at that, sucking on the pacifier and ignoring me.
When Gu Xiao’an was full, he pounced on the little white dog. The dog let him, seemingly not minding being knocked over by this little person who had just learned to walk steadily. I instantly felt vindicated, a bit of the pleasure of revenge.
“Xiao Qi likes An’an,” Fu Junyan said with a light laugh as he handed me the prepared cheese and also pulled out a chair to sit across from me.
I nodded and looked around. The villa was decorated in an elegant and cozy style, but a closer look revealed it had cost a pretty penny. How could the crew provide such a nice house? Especially since I was just a newcomer. Even if there was, it wouldn’t be this obvious! I thought for a bit and still asked Fu Junyan, “Where is this? Is it far from the set?”
He seemed to know I would ask this. Shaking his head, he said, “Not far.” He put some salad in my bowl before continuing, “The apartment building where the crew is staying isn’t convenient for you with a child. John thought about it and had you move in with me. If you’re willing, you and An’an can stay upstairs. If anything comes up, I’ll be downstairs. What do you say?”
His tone was gentle and affable. I unconsciously wanted to say okay, but felt something was off. Before I could think of it, Fu Junyan already spoke, “Xiao’ai, the actor playing Xiao Moxiao in your crew injured his leg and withdrew from the role. I took over his part.”
He was such a gentle person, yet he was going to play my dad, that arrogant, unruly jerk? “Ah!” I paused, my fork clattering into the bowl with a crisp “clang”.
Hearing the sound, Gu Xiao’an ran over, hugging my leg and looking up at me, shouting, “Jiejie!”
The little white dog also followed the little one, swiftly running over and squatting by my feet with a “woof!”
Fu Junyan seemed to notice my absent-mindedness. He reached out and patted Gu Xiao’an’s head, then the little white dog’s head, saying, “It’s nothing.” With that, the child and dog scurried off again.
I suddenly found it humorous. I tilted my head and carefully studied Fu Junyan. He also turned his head to look at me. The moment our gazes met, my ears flushed red. I remembered the saying “Meeting Junyan once captivates you for life” and had to avert my gaze, staring at my knuckles for a long time before finally blurting out, “You don’t seem like him.”
“Xiao’ai, what did you say?”
“You’re very good-looking, that’s true, but Xiao Moxiao is notoriously sharp-tongued. At that time in the entertainment industry, no one dared to provoke him.” I thought about Dad’s image as an artist back then and his usual arrogance. Comparing him to this gentle and refined man, I firmly crossed it out in my mind.
“Xiao’ai, I’m an actor.”
“Of course I know. Fu Junyan can naturally portray any role well.”
“Thank you.” He smiled gently and even reached out to tousle my hair, saying, “You’ll do great too.”
I nodded vigorously. Since the heavens had given me this chance, I would definitely portray my mother well. This was the only thing I could do for her as a daughter…
Then, I heard him gently say, “You see, Xiao Qi really likes An’an. Thank you for staying.”
I raised my head and met his beautiful eyes with a somewhat silly expression. Fu Junyan’s gaze was very deep. I hazily felt something was off, but he had already pulled me up by the hand. I only heard him say with a lively tone, encouraging me, “Xiao’ai, it’s your first day filming. Fighting!”
- ‘???????????’ is a line from a Chinese poem, can also be literally translated to “A person on the street as precious as jade, a young nobleman without equal in the world.” i.e., young nobleman who is unmatched or unparalleled in the world. Used in the context of someone you deeply admire.
P.S., ‘Nobleman’ can also be translated to ‘young master’ just to give you a sense of the word but I’m digressing. ↩︎ - ‘Older sister’ in Mandarin; also used affectionally with people you are not blood related with. ↩︎
- ?/bai = White (i.e., the white from the color of milk) ↩︎
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