When I saw Jay again, he was discussing the script with his agent Xu Mei. I nodded at him but didn’t approach.
Gu Xiao’an had enough of being carried and wanted to get down from Fu Junyan’s arms. He babbled in a childish voice, “Qiqi, play!”
Behind us, Xiao Qi seemed to understand and barked, wagging his tail and guarding Gu Xiao’an who had just landed on the ground. He excitedly pawed the ground a couple times.
I looked at Fu Junyan in amazement, my heart reeling. This dog was too smart! But Fu Junyan just smiled knowingly, the corners of his lips curling up as he said to me, “They’ve already become good friends.”
Then I saw Gu Xiao’an flailing about before flopping onto Xiao Qi’s back, his little arms hugging Xiao Qi’s furry neck, riding the dog like a horse… But Xiao Qi was very gentle, obediently letting the child mess around. His steps even slowed. The sight of the two little ones together was incredibly adorable and heartwarming. Fu Junyan and I exchanged a glance and couldn’t help but smile.
Only then did I finally take a proper look at this big white dog that had pounced on my face the moment it appeared. Its big eyes were shining bright with spirit, its white fur clean and pretty all over. The more I looked, the more I found it endearing.
“Fu Junyan, what breed is it?”
“Great Pyrenees.”
“Then why is it called Xiao Qi?”
Fu Junyan turned his face to look at me, his deep eyes shining as he smiled warmly, “Yesterday when you were asleep, An’an woke up and called out to it ‘Qiqi play’.”
What!? I looked at Gu Xiao’an riding on Xiao Qi’s back, my heart surging, then turned to Fu Junyan hesitantly, “He probably meant to say… ride and play…” 1This was clearly a misunderstanding… I was really afraid of hurting this man’s pride, but unexpectedly, Fu Junyan actually turned his head to observe the two little ones and nodded, answering me, “Seems so…”
I felt helpless, glancing at this future superstar, silently speechless…
Later on the way, Gu Xiao’an rode on Xiao Qi’s back the whole time. I was afraid the child would fall off the dog’s back and felt especially nervous.
But Fu Junyan didn’t seem worried at all. The corners of his handsome mouth turned up as he slowed his pace to follow behind the two little ones, nodding at me to set my mind at ease.
Actually, the drama “Regretful Love” is quite challenging. First, the characters are all hugely popular singing stars and noble ladies from prominent families back then. And all these characters used their real names in the show. In my previous life, the media and internet initially said this was a publicity stunt to attract viewers.
Back then, my dad and four others formed the band Rainbow. At that time, they were the hottest stars in the music scene. So telling their story had another major challenge – casting. Even though they had all left the music industry for many years, their huge fan base remained. If the actors weren’t well-chosen, there would definitely be an onslaught of criticism.
In my past life, after “Regretful Love” aired, the most harshly criticized character was Xiao Moxiao… That actor was practically cursed to fame! Although he understood the character’s arrogance, he forgot to portray the bitterness and delicacy in his heart. Later on, my dad, the real-life inspiration for the character, got so angry that whenever Xiao Moxiao appeared in “Regretful Love”, he would fast forward. He even sarcastically asked me, “Baby! If it was portrayed like this, wouldn’t you boycott? Wouldn’t there be endless NGs! Depicting me this way… Who played that violin? Send them two carloads of cotton. Your screenwriter Enhao is really tone-deaf despite being a doctor… Even after all these years, he’s still determined to destroy me! You clumsy girl with your arms flailing about!”
I turned my face to look at Fu Junyan walking behind me in the sunlight. He followed leisurely behind Xiao Qi, occasionally gazing affectionately at An’an sprawled on the dog’s back and smiling at the little one. His eyelashes were long, his nose tall and straight, his features jade-like and exquisite. In his hand, he carried An’an’s little backpack filled with things to take care of the child, all of which he had meticulously prepared overnight…
It seems men are most attractive and reliable when taking care of children. I suddenly thought of that phrase people often used to praise him in my previous life: ‘A gentleman as beautiful as jade, unparalleled in the world.’ No wonder his fans called him ‘gongzi‘ (nobleman/young master). Just looking at a man like this, one feels he is truly refined like jade, truly heartwarming…
When Jay put down the script to greet me, I glanced at his agent Xu Mei following closely behind him and instinctively took a step back.
I don’t deny the possibility of a relationship between an older woman and younger man, but Xu Mei is seven years older than Jay and she’s his agent. In my past life, I only thought Xu Mei was good to Jay, that her protectiveness and even anxiousness was just for work. So I never imagined my love would be snatched away by her. I waited ten years for a man, only to still lose to so-called ‘gratitude‘. Or perhaps in my previous life, in Xu Mei’s eyes, I was the villain who nearly stole her love…
I have a cousin who is my biological father Mo Qian’s sister’s son, called Mo Nuoyun. She is the president of the Mo family and half the company shares are in his hands. In my past life, he told me: ‘Jay is not a bad man, he’s even quite good. But he’s too good, too pure, allowing his bottom line to be crossed again and again. A man without a bottom line is weak. So he’s pitiful too.’
Lost in thought, I looked at Jay, at those familiar features, my heart aching slightly. He once said, this woman gave him a daughter…
In “Regretful Love”, Jay plays an important supporting role – Kimura Jin, the lead singer of the band Rainbow. When my birth mother Gu Xinyao was at her loneliest, Kimura Jin always stayed by her side. Later, in order to save my mother, he died in a car accident.
Before Jay could speak, Fu Junyan had already walked over. He politely nodded at them, then urged me in a warm voice, “Xiao’ai, you should go get your makeup done.”
I nodded. Turning my face, I saw the flame ignited in Jay’s eyes upon hearing the nickname ‘Xiao’ai’. I paused, knowing what it meant. But I pretended not to see, turning away and stiffly smiling at Fu Junyan. He smiled back at me and for some reason, reached out to gently pat the top of my head, saying first, “Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of An’an.”
In the show, when Gu Xinyao sees Mo Qian in the crowd – the Mo Qian she has loved since childhood – in that moment, amidst thousands and thousands of people, they only see each other. Just like that, unmoving, Gu Xinyao gazes at him through tear-blurred eyes, the corners of her mouth lifted in a smile.
Mo Qian ignores Gu Xinyao, but she stubbornly makes a fuss, recklessly following him, until Mo Qian is moved. Until she finally trips and gets hurt because of him, Mo Qian finally looks back at her, finally approaches her, holding her to his heart in distress. In that moment, Gu Xinyao is almost blissful, as if she has gained the entire world.
On that rainy night, Mo Qian proposes to Gu Xinyao. They take shelter under the eaves. She takes his ring, so happy that she sheds tears. She says, “Mo Qian, you don’t know how blissful I am, so blissful that I’m afraid. It’s like I’m too happy, even the heavens will be jealous.”
In my previous life, when I acted this scene, I didn’t understand this fear and insecurity. But this time, I do. It must be a woman’s intuition, a blessing from the heavens. Perhaps even then, my mother always had a premonition that too much happiness would truly invite envy. So within her joy, there was too much timidity and sorrow…
I let the tears well up in my eyes, recalling how in my past life, Jay said, ‘I’m going to marry her.’ He said he loved me with such loving eyes, yet he married someone else. Sorrow and joy, like a crystal lamp shattered in an instant, dazzling to the point of blinding.
“Okay! Done!” Old John shouted and the sprinklers immediately stopped. I smiled and nodded at my male co-star Fang Dingyue before turning to leave.
The actor playing my birth father Mo Qian is called Fang Dingyue, the male lead of this drama. He’s also a newcomer from an excellent family background. Apparently he’s the son of a high-ranking official in the capital, though this only came to light years later in my previous life. He has a rather cold personality but is a good person and gets into character very quickly. He became hugely popular after this drama. Although I had clashed with him before due to my willfulness in my past life, there was a time later at an awards ceremony when he helped me out of a difficult situation despite our past grievances. A good person shows their true colours in times of adversity2.
I had just walked out of the studio when Fu Junyan approached carrying Gu Xiao’an. An’an had a small blanket in his arms. As soon as he got close to me, he threw the blanket over my head. Not forgetting to reach out his chubby little hand to rub mine, saying, “Sister won’t be cold, An’an will rub.”
“An’an is so good.” I pulled the blanket down and wrapped it around myself, rubbing my nose before quickly nodding at Fu Junyan and hurrying into the nearby trailer to change clothes.
When I changed into dry clothes and opened the trailer door, I originally wanted to quickly find a cup of hot water to drink. But unexpectedly, Fu Junyan was actually standing at the door holding a thermos, waiting for me. Seeing I was done, he took my hand and bent down to sit back in the trailer with me. He leisurely opened the thermos and handed it to me, saying, “Xiao’ai, have some of this, it’s ginger soup.”
I blinked at him dumbly before taking it in my hands. Having indeed been drenched miserably by the ‘rain’ earlier, I didn’t bother saying thanks. I took a big sip of ginger soup, sighing in comfort before asking him, “Where’s An’an?”
“John took him. He even said today that if An’an wasn’t so young, he could play little Mo Qian.”
Play my own dad? I wrinkled my nose and shook my head seriously at Fu Junyan, “No, children should keep a low profile.”
Fu Junyan didn’t say much, just nodded and added, “Xiao’ai, John did talk to me about you today. Although you don’t have a management company, you should still have a personal agent to take care of you. Is it not very good to always film alone?”
“You don’t have an agent either, right?” I looked at him and shrugged, then squinted and asked him, “Aren’t we doing quite well like this? It’s great to have no one controlling us!”
“It is quite good.” He nodded, the corners of his lips curling up in a smile at me. That smile was like the warm sun passing by, so handsome that it seemed even the four seasons could turn bright…
“Right, it’s great that we look out for each other.” I nodded, feeling a bit weak. I was losing more and more resistance to his smiles…
When I returned to the dressing room, Jay was actually waiting for me at the door. Seeing the thermos in his hands, I looked at him in puzzlement. But then I heard him ask, “Xiao’ai, you filmed a rain scene today. Mei-jie happened to make some ginger tea, have some.”
I lowered my eyes. Hearing Xu Mei’s name, I instinctively felt unhappy. In this life, the last thing I want to touch is anything Xu Mei has touched, including ginger tea, including you! How many ten-year periods can a woman endure wasting? Do I have to repeat the same mistakes? I shook my head. In my heart, I already considered it poison. But on the surface, I still smiled and said, “Ah! What a pity, I just drank some in the trailer. Thank you, Jay.”
Hearing this, Jay paused, his hand frozen there, his eyes also filled with a hint of sadness. In the end, I couldn’t bear it. After all, he hadn’t done anything bad to me. So I smiled again and said, “Why don’t you give it to me first and I’ll drink it later.”
He nodded, actually smiling because of my simple words. Actually, to this day, I still believe Jay really liked me from the start, really liked me. But what’s the use of that?
I took the thermos of ginger tea and glanced at the closed dressing room next door. After thinking for a bit, I said, “Jay, let me share some with Dingyue-ge3. His male assistant is clumsy enough, probably hasn’t taken good care of him.”
Then, I saw the light that had lit up in Jay’s eyes dim again. Only after composing himself did he nod at me and say, “Xiao’ai, good luck on our first collaboration tomorrow.”
“Mm.” I nodded and couldn’t help saying, “We will have great chemistry…”
Hearing this, Jay smiled again and nodded at me solemnly.
Jay and I indeed had great chemistry in my previous life. Plus, we later collaborated on several dramas in a row, pretty much cementing our status as a screen couple. After all, my feelings for Jay grew over time. He fell for me first, but we both ended up hurt…
Moreover, the character he portrays, ‘Kimura Jin’, is special. A proud and stubborn young master who concedes to Gu Xinyao at every turn, writing songs for her, always watching over her, waiting for her. In the end, he blocks the oncoming car for a disoriented Gu Xinyao, dying for her.
So later, when this drama aired, many factions emerged. There were those who supported Xinyao and Mo Qian, those who supported Xinyao and Kimura Jin, and those who supported Xinyao and Xiao Moxiao. One time I got angry and posted on Weibo4: ‘Why not just make it one woman with multiple men then!’ The responses were endless, but I got scolded to hell by my cousin and my dad.
Come to think of it, I suddenly realized tomorrow is also when I officially start acting opposite Fu Junyan. My heart secretly held some anticipation. Before my rebirth, I had always wanted to spar with him but unfortunately never had the chance. Who knew I would run into him as soon as I came back! I wonder how he will perform. How will such a gentle man portray my unruly father?
After Jay left, I finally knocked on the door of the dressing room in front of me. This one was for the male actors. There was no response from inside for a long time. I could only knock again and call out softly, “Dingyue-ge? Dingyue-ge? It’s Xiao’ai, are you there?”
Finally, footsteps sounded from the room. Fang Dingyue pulled open the door and stood in the doorway looking at me in surprise. Fang Dingyue has a cold aura. Even when acting with him, the moment he pulls me into his arms, I feel a chill. So people meeting him for the first time are often overwhelmed by his distant air, forgetting his handsome appearance.
“What is it? Xiao’ai.” From the first day in the studio, Fu Junyan called me this. Gradually getting used to it, no one called me ‘baby/Baobei’ anymore. The name Xiao’ai spread as if it had grown wings. I don’t know who said it was my nickname. Before, only one person called me that, but not anymore.
I held up the thermos in my hands and managed to crack a smile, “Dingyue-ge, have some ginger soup!”
He slightly furrowed his brows, half-opening the door to glance behind me then look back at me, asking, “Junyan already gave me some, why is there more?”
“Ah!” I withdrew my hands and honestly explained, “Jay asked his agent to make this for us.”
“Oh.” He looked at me and reached out to take the thermos from me. Opening the lid, he took an indifferent glance inside.
I felt a bit conflicted but still continued, “Dingyue-ge, after you’re done drinking, leave it in my dressing room. I’ll return it to Mei-jie tomorrow.”
“No need, I’ll return it.” He waved his hand, not sure if talking to himself or deliberately letting me hear, “This Xu Mei is an old hand, wholeheartedly promoting Jay. Who knows how many twists and turns are in between.” After saying that, he gave me a meaningful look and patted my shoulder, “Good girl, we passionate lovers are destined to part for a long time.”
I chuckled. Looks like Gu Xinyao and Mo Qian really have no future in this segment. Suddenly I felt a bit heartbroken for Mommy. After waiting a lifetime, how much longer companionship did she gain in exchange?
- ?/q? from Xiao Qi is pronounced the same as ?/qí, meaning ‘ride’. There is a tonal difference (former’s a 3rd tone and the latter’s a 2nd tone; learn more about the four Mandarin tones here if of interest!), which is likely not articulated properly by a child especially when the character is stacked (i.e., ‘Qiqi’). ↩︎
- “?????” (huànnàn jiàn zh?nqíng) is a Chinese proverb that translates to “True friendship is revealed in times of adversity” ↩︎
- “?” (g?) is commonly used to refer to an older brother or a male friend who is older than you. It’s an informal way of addressing someone who is like an older brother figure. ↩︎
- Weibo (??) is a popular Chinese microblogging website similar to Twitter. ↩︎
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