ATLAS TRANSLATES

The assistant director heard Fu Junyan tapping the car window with his shoe heel. His hand, which had been bent searching for keys under the seat, paused. His whole body shook more violently. He only turned his head to look at Fu Junyan in surprise, then suddenly started shouting like a madman: “It’s useless! It’s useless! The quicksand is coming! The quicksand is coming! Years ago, Erbao from my village was buried alive by quicksand right here! That’s why I wanted to leave, that’s why I wanted to get out!”

Then he began frantically bending down to search: “Where are the keys? Where did the car keys go? Where are my keys?” As he spoke, he became more panicked, his two hands almost just wildly and blindly waving. His near-manic state frightened me. I turned my face to look at the assistant director by the faint light from Fu Junyan’s phone. At this point, he was already in tears.

I only heard him continue to cry and shout hysterically: “How could I forget? Forget that there’s quicksand here and we can’t stop the car? Heaven wants to destroy me! Heaven wants to destroy me! Oh! No! The car keys are outside, outside! I turned off the engine and went out for some air, the keys fell outside! We can’t open it! We can’t open it! Junyan! Brother is sorry to you! Even if we open it, it’s useless! This is the death desert, we can’t get out! We can’t walk out! Junyan, my brother is waiting for me! He’s waiting for me to go back and drink with him! And the restaurant, the restaurant hasn’t opened yet… Junyan, I don’t want to die… Junyan!”

That piercing cry sounded just like someone was choking the assistant director. His eyes were bulging as if they would pop out of their sockets. His fat body was trembling and hunched over. Even though he was usually so kind to me, I was still frightened by his madness and couldn’t help but shudder, unconsciously leaning towards Fu Junyan.

“Shut up!” This was Fu Junyan’s only answer to the assistant director. His tone was particularly cold, calm yet severe. His hand movements didn’t stop, but he spoke to me slowly and methodically: “Baby, don’t be afraid, we can get out. Now go smile at the assistant director, tell him not to worry. Then give him your other high heel, let him knock on the four corners of the window like me. Keep at it, the window will definitely break. Trust me, as long as the quicksand doesn’t cover the window, we can crawl out.”

I nodded, carefully leaned towards the front seat, tentatively pushed the trembling assistant director, and smiled at him reassuringly as Fu Junyan had said. But the assistant director didn’t respond to me, nor did he take the high heel I offered him. Instead, he began to stare blankly, and very strangely, he started choking himself and coughing violently.

I was a bit scared, but still tried to smile and say tentatively: “Assistant Director, can you pull yourself together? Don’t be like this…”

Fu Junyan heard what I said and turned his head, speaking earnestly: “Assistant Director, heaven helps those who help themselves. Just like you did years ago, if you focus on getting out, you can get out.” As he spoke, he continued to methodically knock on the four corners of the car window glass. The assistant director heard this, but suddenly looked straight at Fu Junyan and fell completely silent. He abruptly shook his head, slowly sat up straight, only turned back to look at us blankly once more, then slumped over the steering wheel, motionless. My eyelid twitched, knowing this was a posture of giving up…

I called out softly again: “Assistant Director?” But the assistant director just lay there, motionless, no longer responding to us.

I tilted my head back and closed my eyes briefly, stopping the bewilderment in my heart as I turned my face. Fu Junyan stood straight, shielding me in front, without a hint of wavering. His movements knocking on the car window remained connected and steady. The air here was becoming increasingly thin due to the car sinking and sand seeping in, but Fu Junyan calmly reminded me: “Baby, if you feel dizzy, pinch your own philtrum. Hold on, we’ll be out soon.”

My head was gradually becoming heavy, and at this time all sounds became incredibly clear, even painful to the eardrums. Finally, just on the verge of despair, with a crash, the glass shattered into countless small pieces. A lot of quicksand slid in, and the car’s sinking speed also noticeably increased.

Seeing the glass break, Fu Junyan turned and quickly pushed me forward, saying: “Baby, crawl out quickly.” Then, he said no more and just forcefully pushed me towards the car window. By now, the space to move inside the car was already very small. I finally understood why he had me take off my cotton coat. His force was so strong that it hurt my hands and feet. In that instant, sand kept pouring into my mouth, choking me and making me cough. The wind blew more fiercely, freezing me and making my whole body shiver. Actually, crawling out of the car happened very quickly, but it felt like it had been a very long time. Finally, when I fell dazedly onto the sand, all I could do was breathe heavily. The wild wind stung my face painfully, but I didn’t even feel uncomfortable.

I was stunned for half a second before lying on the ground and looking at Fu Junyan, of whom I could only see half his face in the car. I saw him reach out to pull the assistant director, but he was repeatedly pushed away. The assistant director began to cry and laugh hysterically, shouting: “My mother has come to get me, my parents have come to get me…” He laughed and laughed, but coughed more and more severely, his hand still strangely choking his own neck. Then he suddenly spat out white foam, and his whole body began to violently convulse and shake.

I clearly saw the pain in Fu Junyan’s eyes, his hand that had reached out again still suspended in mid-air. At this time, the car’s sinking also began to accelerate. I couldn’t care about anything else, crawling on the sand towards him, almost uncontrollably calling his name: “Junyan! Junyan! There’s no time! Come out quickly! Come out quickly!”

Fu Junyan heard my cries and turned around. Pain flashed in his eyes, and he finally withdrew his hand reaching towards the assistant director. Then he turned without hesitation, grabbed my cotton coat from behind and threw it out, then grabbed two water bottles from the back seat and threw them out the window. I saw him pause for a moment when grabbing the water bottles, then decisively begin to crawl out the car window.

The quicksand was moving too fast. I almost crawled over to grab his hand, and by this time, the entire car was nearly submerged. In the end, only Fu Junyan’s two hands were exposed outside the window, which I held onto tightly, while his entire body was buried in the sand.

I began to fear, pulling his hands almost madly to drag him out, tears falling uncontrollably. The feeling was too complex; I even had a moment of thinking that if he was gone, I wouldn’t want to live either…

Finally, when Fu Junyan crawled out of the sand, he seemed to have lost all strength and collapsed motionless on the sand, his whole body coughing violently, with sand all over his mouth and nose.

I cried and crawled over, hugging him tightly, pounding on his chest and shouting: “Fu Junyan, are you crazy? Are you crazy? It’s fine that you saved people, but why did you waste time throwing clothes out? What’s the point of throwing clothes out?”

He coughed a few more times before having enough strength to reach out and hug me back. I heard him laugh calmly and say to me: “Silly pufferfish, you’re afraid of the cold.” Hearing this, my hands hugging him loosened, and I felt even more choked up, unable to speak, as if someone had squeezed the softest part of my heart. For a long time, I could only breathe heavily.

I propped myself up, constantly using the scarf to wipe his face. But no matter how much I wiped, I couldn’t clean him. We were both covered in sand everywhere, with no clean spots at all. Finally, Fu Junyan pressed down on my hand, shaking his head slightly. He said helplessly: “Silly child, don’t cry, we only have two bottles of water left.” Hearing this, I looked at him weakly, my forehead heavily resting on his shoulder.

We lay exhausted on the sand, with darkness all around. The quicksand beneath also seemed soft and gentle. No one could imagine how, in such a short time just now, it had silently swallowed a living, breathing life. All that could be heard was the sound of the wind and our breathing. Everything around was cold; the only warmth was the temperature of our bodies.

Then Fu Junyan slowly squatted up and stood straight, got up to pick up the cotton coat that had been thrown on the sand nearby, came back, squatted down and looked at me silently, gently rubbed my hair and draped the coat over my shoulders. After taking care of me, he walked a few steps, turned his back to me and bent down to pick up the water bottles.

My heart was in complete chaos, and I belatedly kept asking in my mind… Where’s the assistant director? Where’s the assistant director? Is he really gone?

I stared at everything before me almost in a daze, my body beginning to tremble belatedly. A living person was just gone like that? I lay on the sand, stiffly stretching out my hand, futilely digging in the sand again and again. But no matter how much strength I used, only sand slid across my palm, nothing else. The sand in front of me showed no change at all…

Fu Junyan returned to my side at this time, holding the two military water bottles that were the last things thrown out of the car. Seeing me staring blankly with my hands grabbing a handful of sand and not letting go, deep pain flashed in his eyes.

Then, he put the water bottles aside and, seeming afraid of frightening me, called my name softly before squatting down and firmly grasping my hands. I heard him say with utmost gentleness: “Don’t be afraid, I’m here. Baby needs to be good, come, follow me, let go, relax.” I looked up at him, following him to slowly relax my grip, the sand sliding through my fingers into emptiness.

He nodded encouragingly at me, reached out to pull me up, then held me in his arms, silently patting my back over and over. But Fu Junyan’s hands were full of sand, and I wasn’t much better. Then, I saw him turn his face slightly, looking in the direction where the car was buried, silent for a long time.

And I stiffly pursed my lips, holding back tears, still harboring a bit of hope in my heart, trembling and asking him with red-rimmed eyes: “The assistant director just now, maybe he just passed out, right? Can we dig him out? Maybe, maybe he can still be saved…”

“He’s dead.” Fu Junyan closed his eyes, mercilessly rejecting my hopeless fantasy. His eyes were heavy as he rested his head on my shoulder, speaking clearly word by word: “The assistant director had severe asthma. He just inhaled a large amount of sand and dust, which could have caused difficulty breathing, but that wouldn’t be fatal. But in the end, he showed symptoms of severe myocardial infarction, or perhaps he choked himself to death… I can only be certain that when I crawled out, he had indeed stopped breathing.”

He paused, then continued: “I think it was his extreme inner fear that accelerated his death. And, baby, you need to understand, we have no way to dig out a car in the desert with our bare hands.” Fu Junyan spoke calmly, releasing his arms around me and forcing a smile to comfort me. I felt reassured by his calmness and composure, but I really didn’t like his heavy smile…

Then, Fu Junyan stepped back to look at me, patted my head, and took the scarf from around my neck and draped it over his arm. Next, he lowered his head seriously to help me put on my cotton coat, carefully zipping it up, then turning up the collar of the coat and pulling it close as much as possible to keep the wind out. Then, he took the scarf hanging on his arm and looked at it, the corners of his mouth lifting slightly as he grabbed the two ends of the scarf and started pulling forcefully. Soon, with a ripping sound, the scarf was torn in two.

He took half of the scarf without hesitation and covered my hair with it, wrapping it around several times like an Arab woman’s attire, leaving only my eyes exposed. Then, Fu Junyan tore the remaining scarf in half again. He squatted down, patted my hand to let me lean on his shoulder, picked up my bare feet, and began to carefully wrap them with the scarf. It was only then that I belatedly realized I had been barefoot all along.

My hand supporting his shoulder applied a bit of pressure. He seemed to know the tumultuous waves in my heart. His hands didn’t stop wrapping my feet as he looked up at me, his eyes still as dark and bright as the starry sky and vast sea. He coaxed me, saying: “Baby will have to bear with it a bit. My shoes are too big for you, it’s not convenient to walk in the sand. It’s cold at night and hot during the day, so baby will wear the cloth shoes I made for now. When we get out, I’ll buy you many beautiful shoes, okay?”

I nodded, red-eyed, and said: “Fu Junyan, I want many, many…”

He nodded, exhaled, securely tied the ‘cloth shoes’, stood up, and touched my face through the scarf. Then, he turned back, looked at the calm sand behind us, lowered his eyelashes and said softly: “Come, let’s bow three times to the assistant director.”

I nodded, thinking of the assistant director, but still felt a heavy stone pressing on my chest, stifling and uncomfortable. After a while, I finally couldn’t help but look up and ask: “If we get out and find people, can they find the assistant director? Being trapped in such a narrow car, he must have been so scared, right?”

Fu Junyan didn’t answer, but looked at me deeply. He hugged me and walked a few steps, then I heard him start singing: “Wear fur in the morning and gauze at noon, sitting around the stove eating watermelon.” This was the assistant director’s favorite song. From the start of filming, I could hear him sing it almost every day, from initial curiosity to later feeling like it was grating on my ears. Yet I didn’t know the last time I would hear it would be in such a tragic scene, sung by Fu Junyan with red-rimmed eyes…

We bowed three times towards the sand. Fu Junyan was silent for a while before turning to look at me. His down jacket had been left in the car, and he wasn’t wearing much. But when he took my hand, his palm was very warm. I heard him say: “Baby, we need to get moving while it’s dark.”

I nodded, holding Fu Junyan’s hand tightly as I followed him, only occasionally, we would both turn back involuntarily to look in that direction, at that expanse of yellow sand. Buried there was a middle-aged man who had struggled to leave this land in his youth, only to return in such an abrupt and tragic way in middle age…

Because of our frequent looking back, we walked very slowly. Fu Junyan suddenly stopped, holding my hand, and said to himself: “When we first arrived in Xinjiang, the assistant director came to pick us up on behalf of the crew. I saw how gentle he was with you, bringing out Hami melons he had prepared in advance from the car to quench your thirst, so I paid a bit more attention to him. I even promised him that when the restaurant opened, I would support his brother…”

As he finished speaking, he reached out to cover my eyes and pulled me back as I was turning to look back. He said: “Baby, don’t look back, let’s go.” That voice carried such heavy desolation, as if he was speaking to me, and also to himself.

The Taklamakan Desert was especially cold at night. Fu Junyan had wrapped me up so tightly with the scarf, but the wind-blown sand still occasionally stung my face. Even through the scarf, there was a biting cold feeling under my feet. As for Fu Junyan, he wasn’t wearing his cotton coat, only a V-neck wool sweater and a white shirt. Those were completely inadequate for the below-zero temperatures of the night.

But Fu Junyan wouldn’t let me take off my coat for us to share, and when I tried to take off the scarf covering my face to give to him, he wouldn’t accept it either. He said: “Baby, be good, don’t make a fuss. What if you freeze?”

That gentle tone made me feel so sad. So I just kept following his footsteps in the endless darkness, looking up at his profile, my heart so afraid, so afraid he would freeze. We walked for a long time until we reached a stretch of gobi desert. Fu Junyan finally stopped, carefully observing the direction of the gobi in the darkness while holding my hand. He looked up at the stars once more to confirm our direction. Then he turned to me and asked: “Are you tired?”

I shook my head, knowing that the daytime in the desert would bring scorching sun and high temperatures, making it even harder to walk. I just asked him: “Fu Junyan, are you cold?”

He shook his head and said he wasn’t cold, then asked me in return: “Is baby cold?”

I lowered my head and shook it, only pushing away his arm that was half-circling me, shielding me in his embrace, trying hard to block the wind for me. I reached out to wrap my arms around his waist, wanting to block some of the cold for him too, even if just a little. He didn’t stop me, just looked at me deeply and said firmly: “Baby, you must firmly believe three things. First, we will survive and walk out of this desert. Second, I won’t push myself too hard, I will stay alive to lead you out. You can’t even tell directions clearly, Fu Junyan won’t be stupid enough to think that sacrificing himself would allow Gu Baobei to be safe on her own. Third, An’an is waiting for us to come home. He’s so young and has already lost his parents, we can’t abandon him again.”

As he spoke, he held up the two military water bottles he had been carrying in front of me, and let me feel their weight. I heard him say: “Look, the water in the bottles is almost the same amount. We’ll each take one and hold on until we get out, okay? That’s fair, right?”

I nodded, but my hand paused as I took the water bottle. I bit my lip and said: “Fu Junyan, I don’t know how far we have to go to get out, but since we have the same amount of water, you have to promise me that it will be fair all the way. No matter what, you can’t secretly pour water from your bottle into mine, nor can you let me drink your water. Not even a single sip! You know, I can’t be without you…”

He heard this and looked at me deeply, nodding heavily.

“Also, if you’re cold or feeling unwell, you have to tell me. I’ll take off my clothes for you, even if you just wear them for a while.” He heard this and patted my head, but this time shook his head and said: “I won’t, I’m very strong.”