ATLAS TRANSLATES

From far away at Simple Sugar, Xiao Xi and Tongtong were leaning on the counter whispering, “Is that really Ning Ning’s boyfriend?”

Tongtong pondered for a moment, “Well, he can’t be her brother.” As she spoke, she pointed excitedly, “Look, look over there, they’re kissing, wow.”

…

After a moment of silence, Feng Ning suddenly chuckled, “Oh? What do you want to do to me?”

She glanced downward, one hand moving as if to explore lower. Jiang Wen’s expression froze, embarrassedly blocking her.

Feng Ning teased him lazily, “What’s wrong, getting excited?”

“You…” Jiang Wen’s face displayed a range of expressions, flushing red from being teased. He took a deep breath, “Are you even a girl?”

Feng Ning pinched his cheek, “You little kid, trying to make suggestive comments when you barely know how?”

“I’m not a kid.” Jiang Wen repeated, “Don’t treat me like a child. I’m a…” he stumbled over his words, looking away, “a… man.”

Feng Ning stood up from him, stroking her chin, examining the thin, bony youth before her.

When Feng Ning moved away from his lap, Jiang Wen felt an empty void and slight disappointment. His fingers curled slightly, wanting to pull her back.

Feng Ning laughed, “A man? Looking at your baby face, I feel like I’m seducing a minor.”

Jiang Wen made a sound, his throat dry, “Haven’t you already seduced me?”

Feng Ning seemed somewhat helpless, “Clearly you were the one who fell in love with me at first sight. How did this become me seducing you?”

“…….”

It was closing time, and Feng Ning asked Jiang Wen to wait. As soon as she entered Simple Sugar, she was surrounded by people. The two young girls followed her all the way to the changing room.

Watching Feng Ning change clothes, Xiao Xi leaned against the doorframe and asked, “Ning, where did you hook such a good-looking rich guy?”

She mumbled vaguely: “Picked him up on a rainy day.”

Xiao Xi was both envious and worried, “You better be careful though. The handsome ones are all players, who knows when you might get cheated on.”

Feng Ning closed the locker door, took her keys, and laughed silently.

…

With two beeps, the pink and white electric scooter unlocked. Feng Ning called out to Jiang Wen, “Come here, do you know how to ride?”

Jiang Wen shook his head.

“Then I’ll take you.”

Seeing his hesitation, Feng Ning tilted her head and urged, “Hurry up and get on.”

After the person behind her was settled, she put both feet on the pedals and zoomed off, “Let’s go!”

The summer night wind felt cool on their skin. Feng Ning said, “How come you can’t even ride an electric bike? Can you ride a bicycle?”

“No.”

“Your cerebellum must not be fully developed.”

Feng Ning gave a slight laugh and casually explained: “Take the bus back to school later. I need to go home, shower, and sleep. I have an early shift tomorrow. As for you, with your studies being so intense right now, don’t keep coming to find me. Don’t let your mind wander at school, understand?”

At a red light, Feng Ning glanced back casually. She had always been good at reading people’s expressions, and with one look, she could tell he was feeling down. She asked, “What’s wrong, unhappy?”

After a delay, Jiang Wen’s voice was barely audible, “Do you really like me? You don’t even want to see me.”

Unlike him, who thought of her whenever he had free time.

Even when he wasn’t free, his mind was still full of her.

Feng Ning silently sighed in her heart, “How could my feelings for you be fake? It’s just a special period, right? You’re busy, I’m busy.”

Jiang Wen’s face remained expressionless: “I feel like you’re only because…”

Before he could finish, Feng Ning completed his thought: “Because you were there when I…” In her subconscious, she still resisted mentioning Qi Lan. After a few seconds, she continued, “when things happened, and then I softened my heart and agreed to be with you?”

Though thinking about this, Jiang Wen still felt dejected by her words.

“I’m quite superficial when it comes to feelings. I purely couldn’t resist your face, my heart started fluttering.”

Feng Ning’s voice mixed with the wind as it drifted over, not very serious, “Besides, it’s the 21st century. Do you really think people still offer themselves in return for kindness? We’re not in a TV drama.”

Jiang Wen suddenly remembered the unreliable advice Zhao Binlin had given him before: “Worst case, just sacrifice your looks to flirt with Feng Ning. I don’t believe there’s any woman in this world who can resist your looks, it’s impossible, man.”

There’s an ancient Chinese saying that when beauty fades, love wanes. He asked anxiously, “Then one day when I become ugly, you won’t like me anymore?”

“You’re thinking that far ahead?”

Feng Ning said this reflexively, and after not hearing him speak for a while, she figured he must be upset again. This guy was truly a combination of a petty person and a jealous person. The Rain River Alley was right ahead, and Feng Ning parked the bike to the side, “Get off, honorable Mr. Jiang.”

After Jiang Wen got off, she crouched down to lock the electric scooter.

In the moonlight that was like mist, they stood by the road. Feng Ning pulled down Jiang Wen’s neck, stood on tiptoes and kissed his brow, then touched her forehead to his, “Alright, be good, don’t make me worry.”

She watched him get into a car.

Feng Ning turned and walked into the courtyard. Everything around was dark, and her expression gradually faded.

After locking the door and showering, she got into bed. A desk lamp was left on at the bedside, its light dim. Feng Ning curled up under the blanket, looking at the dream catcher swaying on the window.

Even though she was exhausted, she still couldn’t sleep at night. Smelling the scent of her mother’s clothes, Feng Ning lay in bed, hands clasped at her heart, curled up. She endured through the time, eyes open until dawn.

The summer cicadas kept calling, and days slipped by like flowing water. Zhao Huiyun used her connections to introduce several jobs to Feng Ning. She worked from morning until night, continuously, until she was completely exhausted but still wouldn’t let herself stop.

One time after work, she happened to run into Shuang Yao who was home to get something. She paused for a moment, stopping to examine Feng Ning, “Ning Ning, what’s wrong with you? You look quite haggard.”

Feng Ning made no comment.

“Are you doing okay lately? You can tell me if anything’s wrong.”

Feng Ning thought for a moment, then smiled at her, “It’s manageable, getting by.”

What things couldn’t be gotten through?

In the six months since Qi Lan’s passing, she began to frequently suffer from insomnia. At night, she would dream of her mother, then wake startled from the dream, touch her face to find it covered in tears.

Life is an unspeakable tragedy. The bone-deep pain would slowly disappear at some point, lying dormant in the wound. When the night was deep and quiet, it would return. Perhaps she had overestimated herself.

Feng Ning wasn’t Superman; she wasn’t omnipotent.

But when a new day came, facing all the various aspects of life, no one had the right to be dejected. During the day, facing customers, Feng Ning mobilized all her energy to chat and laugh with them normally, without any negligence.

She seemed to be split into two people.

The person she was in front of others, and the person she was when alone. Gradually, all of Feng Ning’s enthusiasm and happiness would suddenly stop when no one was around.

Her body was empty, life felt like shooting a movie – when the director called cut, all expressions, language, and actions would fade away in an instant.

One day, Feng Ning suddenly realized something wasn’t right. She felt a bit uneasy, she hated her gloomy and fragile other side, tried very hard to adjust her emotions, but the things she could think about and perceive were increasingly getting fewer and fewer, beyond her control.

April, May, June – like an arrow released from its string, whoosh, they passed through the final bit of high school student life.

Feng Ning was incredibly busy, but she would still spend ten or so minutes on the phone with Jiang Wen every day. Occasionally in the afternoons, she would go to school to see him. When waiting for his class to end, she would wander near the honor roll board. Jiang Wen’s grades were very good, steadily holding the first place position.

She didn’t have much time, could only walk with him on the playground. Perhaps because work was too tiring, Feng Ning began to gradually speak less.

When they were together, Jiang Wen became the talkative one. Most of the time she just listened, then like before, would occasionally tease him a bit.

Jiang Wen had a bad habit – he liked to have Feng Ning hand over her phone, then carefully check through it.

Because Feng Ning often didn’t answer calls, Jiang Wen wanted to confirm if he was the only one receiving such treatment.

Checking up was necessary. After going through the call records, he still had to see who she had been chatting with recently on WeChat.

Feng Ning had a lollipop in her mouth, glanced at him and said unclearly: “Don’t you think you’re like a middle-aged housewife? Constantly worried your husband will cheat.”

Jiang Wen pretended not to hear, continuing to check her phone.

The intense gaokao ended on an ordinary sunny day. Summer vacation arrived, and Hunan TV started replaying Princess Pearl again.

At the farewell dinner, Feng Ning also went. Zhao Binlin and Xi Gaoyuan were both there, and she drank quite a bit at the table.

Zhao Binlin could hold his liquor well but couldn’t drink as much as Feng Ning. With a thick tongue, he said to Jiang Wen: “Brother, I wish you two a hundred years of happiness, waiting to drink at your wedding.”

Young people always think time moves slowly, that the present moment can stretch to forever. Feng Ning raised a glass, “The gaokao is finally over, cheers to escaping from hell.” Then she threw her head back and drained it.

“Drink less.” Jiang Wen restrained her hand.

The meal was very lively. After eating, several boys were swaying drunk. Jiang Wen hadn’t touched alcohol, responsible for sending the drunk ones home.

One by one they left. Jiang Wen returned to the table after sending people home. Feng Ning was lying there, her face pale, eyes tightly closed, lips pressed together. He touched her ear, “Feng Ning?”

Feng Ning seemed not to hear.

So Jiang Wen bent slightly and called again, but she still made no sound. He thought she had drunk too much and fallen asleep. The lights were bright, he crouched beside her, looking up at her face.

Her eyelashes flickered, Feng Ning’s brows furrowed even tighter. She opened her eyes slightly, saw Jiang Wen. Seeming a bit confused, she paused for two seconds, finally speaking: “Oh… you’re here, let’s go.”

Jiang Wen gazed at her intently, using his finger to wipe away the faint traces of water at the corner of her eye, “Did you fall asleep just now?”

“Wasn’t sleeping, just a bit tired, closed my eyes for a while.” She rubbed her reddened eyes and stood up.

The restaurant was near Rain River Alley, they walked back slowly. At the intersection cars streamed past, Jiang Wen seemed to want to say something: “Have you been very tired lately?”

Feng Ning’s eyelids moved slightly, joking with him as usual, “When am I not tired?”

Jiang Wen didn’t know how to say it, “I feel like you’re not very happy.”

“I am happy? I don’t know how to be happy, I have to deal with too many people every day, I’m a bit tired.”

Feng Ning’s expression was no different than usual, acting casual like she was joking.

After speaking, she continued walking forward as if nothing had happened.

But for a moment Jiang Wen had a feeling.

Everything Feng Ning said was true.

The mall in Jiangbei held a large sale event, and customer flow had increased dramatically recently. The sales ladies were all dressed properly, wearing their most standard smiles to receive customers. The sky had already darkened, fu had done new renovations.

The front desk manager actively went over to take the bags from the hands of several ladies, leading them to sit on the sofa in the central area.

The store had air conditioning on, Shi Zhimei was tired from shopping and massaged her legs saying: “The score cutoffs will be out in a few days, right? How did Xiao Wen do on the exam?”

Yan Yan glanced at Jiang Wen: “Should be fine, is Xiao Rou going to the Central Academy of Fine Arts?”

Pei Shurou smiled and answered: “Yes, maybe we’ll be in the same city as Jiang Wen. By the way auntie, take a look at this store’s new items later, my classmate recommended it to me, said it’s quite good.”

A store employee carrying a tray knelt gently on the plush carpet, placing water cups in front of them one by one.

fu was a certain Japanese luxury brand, this kneeling service was very normal. Yan Yan chatted with the people beside her, ignoring the kneeling person nearby.

Jiang Wen had been talking with Pei Shurou, the employee handed him a cup of water. He took it, habitually saying thank you. Taking a sip, he raised his eyes and clearly saw her face. Jiang Wen choked, coughing violently. Because he was too shocked, he immediately stood up from the sofa.

Yan Yan turned her head, confused: “What are you doing? Making such a fuss.”

For work requirements, Feng Ning had on very mature makeup. The last time they met was two years ago, so Yan Yan had no impression of her anymore.

The manager serving on the side also noticed something was wrong, scolding: “Xiao Ning, what are you doing?”

Jiang Wen hadn’t expected to meet in this kind of situation, he pulled her up.

Feng Ning showed no signs of anything being wrong, treating him like a complete stranger, politely and somewhat apologetically: “I’m sorry, did I burn you?” As she spoke, she stood up.

Looking for a while, Yan Yan spotted something was off, frowned slightly, “What’s wrong, Xiao Wen, you know her?”

Everyone was staring at Jiang Wen, seeming to wait for his answer.

“She is my…”

Just as he said a few words, Feng Ning cut off his words, “Hello auntie, I’m his former classmate.”

“……”

Jiang Wen wanted to say something, moved his lips, then held back.

Yan Yan was a bit surprised, “Classmate? Then why are you here?”

Pei Shurou put down her cup and also stood up, her words carrying some warmth: “Feng Ning, haven’t seen you in a long time, did you come work here after dropping out?”

“Dropped out?” Shi Zhimei raised an eyebrow.

Feng Ning made a sound, still standing there with a smile, “Something happened at home, I took a year off.”

“This is chrysanthemum tea, good for clearing heat and detoxifying, try it, call me if you need anything.” Feng Ning said nothing more, holding the tray to her chest, bowing slightly to the group.

Watching her leave, Jiang Wen’s mind went blank for a moment, raising his foot wanting to chase after her. Pei Shurou instinctively grabbed his arm.

Jiang Yulin seemed lost in thought, turning a page of the magazine, coughing once, “Xiao Wen, sit down, don’t be rude.”

The mall closed around 9:30, Feng Ning finished her tasks, waited for fu to stop business before going to the changing room to check her phone.

Jiang Wen had sent a WeChat message an hour ago: [I’m waiting for you at the fountain by the plaza entrance.]

She quickly changed clothes, grabbed her things and went to the fountain pool.

The fountain pool’s lights and music were still on. Feng Ning walked forward, her toe tapping his shoe.

Jiang Wen looked at her sideways. He had sat here for a long time, his delicate skin covered in several large mosquito bites on his neck.

Feng Ning stood in front of him, “What are you doing here?”

Hearing him say softly: “Getting some air.”

Feng Ning took out the Florida Water from her bag, put some on her finger, and rubbed it on his swollen spots, “Being sulky?”

Jiang Wen pulled down her hand, “Just now, why didn’t you say you’re my girlfriend?”

Feng Ning said flatly: “In that situation, do you think it was appropriate? Besides at our age, there will definitely be many more situations like this in the future, you don’t need to tell your family so early.”

She had been working from morning until night today, had spoken too many words, her voice was already hoarse, “This way will only create unnecessary trouble.”

Jiang Wen looked at her, “If there’s trouble we’ll solve it, and my mother will have to know eventually.”

“Future things can be dealt with in the future. Why do you think so much?” Feng Ning said, “The future has too many variables, I only live in the present.”

Jiang Wen strongly rejected these words, “So you haven’t thought about our future at all?”

“Think about what, breaking up?”

“When I’m with you, I’ve never thought about breaking up.”

Feng Ning didn’t respond, exhaustion in her eyes. She said: “About the future, I don’t know.”

She put her hand on his shoulder, patted it, and spoke softly: “Don’t think so much.”

Jiang Wen suddenly felt a wave of loss and powerlessness.

The gaokao scores were released, and red banners were hung at the entrance of Qide School with Jiang Wen’s name printed on them — City Champion of Nancheng.

As everyone had expected, his scores could get him into the best university in Beijing. When September came, Feng Ning saw Jiang Wen off. In the Starbucks at the bottom of the airport terminal, Feng Ning gave him a hug.

After starting university, Jiang Wen still sent her messages very frequently and called as well. Feng Ning also went back to school, but she needed an income source, so she didn’t quit her evening job. She attended school during the day and worked at night. She looked at her phone less and replied to messages sporadically.

One Saturday afternoon, Feng Ning was half asleep when she received a video call from Jiang Wen.

“Why are you sleeping at this time?”

Feng Ning got up from bed messily, confused and dazed between noticing the sunlight behind the curtains, only then realizing it wasn’t night, “Oh, was a bit tired.”

Feng Ning’s complexion was very poor, her mental state very low. Jiang Wen didn’t notice, continuing on his own: “You haven’t replied to my messages for two days.”

“Really?”

“Why?”

Feng Ning moved slightly, rubbing her temple, “I’ve been a bit busy lately.”

Jiang Wen felt a bit hurt, “You always say that. We barely talk twice a week, what exactly are you so busy with?”

Feng Ning sat quietly lost in thought.

“I don’t like long-distance relationships.”

Less than two months into university, he had already mentioned this more than once. Jiang Wen’s recklessness made Feng Ning a bit unbearable, “Then what do you want, come back and repeat a year with me?”

“If we continue in this state.”

Moving to the bay window, Feng Ning stared at her wrist for a long while, “Jiang Wen, please don’t have these kinds of thoughts. This is very foolish. I don’t need anyone’s companionship, I don’t want to be responsible for your future life.”

“Just one university, you think that can determine my life?”

“It can’t determine yours, but it can determine mine.”

They couldn’t have a proper conversation without arguing – this had become their recent norm. Last time they argued about which university Feng Ning would apply to next year, this time about whether Jiang Wen should repeat a year.

The conversation stalled, and they parted on bad terms.

After the noise, came boundless silence.

Feng Ning habitually fell silent, zoned out, her chest felt tight with a feeling of suffocation. She pulled open the bedside drawer, found the medicine box. She poured out several pills and swallowed them forcefully.

Jiang Wen flew back the next day – this was already the third time this month.

Feng Ning asked for leave from her teacher.

She had a meal with Jiang Wen. She looked at him quietly, seeming to consider how to phrase it. “You should do what you need to do, don’t keep wasting time coming back to find me.”

He looked at her, “I know what I should do.”

“Can you not put all your energy on me?” Feng Ning sighed, “I’m struggling a bit with studying right now, I can’t guarantee 100% that I’ll get into your current school, but I’ll try my best. Let’s stop arguing all the time.”

Jiang Wen felt her impatience, “I just want you to reply to messages, is that so difficult?”

“Sorry.” Feng Ning explained with some difficulty, “I don’t look at my phone much.”

Jiang Wen had never liked someone so much before, had never been in a long-distance relationship before. It was like walking along a good path that suddenly lost its direction. He absolutely couldn’t bear Feng Ning’s sudden coldness, his breathing became irregular, “Why do I feel like I mean nothing to you, like there’s no equality between us. It seems like I’m the only one thinking about our future, you don’t care at all, right?”

“I really don’t have the energy to think about these things.” Feng Ning controlled the emotions spreading up, “You’re good to me, I’m very grateful, so I don’t want to hurt you. But that doesn’t mean you can morally blackmail me.”

“What… moral blackmail?”

“What you’re saying to me right now is moral blackmail.”

The words ‘moral blackmail’ were like a bucket of gasoline thrown in his face, burning the fire in Jiang Wen’s heart hotter and hotter, mixed with an inexplicable feeling of grievance.

“I just want to see you, want to talk to you on the phone, want to go to the same university as you – in your eyes this is moral blackmail?”

The suppressed atmosphere flowed quietly between them.

Feng Ning felt a powerless suffocation, she looked straight into Jiang Wen’s eyes, “At present, I feel it’s a burden. I’m very tired, really.”

Jiang Wen hadn’t expected her to say this. Almost instantly, anger surged up, pain evident in his eyes, “You don’t like me?”

“No, I like you.”

He knew now wasn’t a good time to continue talking, but still lost control, “But I… can’t feel it at all.”

Feng Ning spoke lightly, herself a bit confused: “Maybe, I don’t love you enough? Sorry.”

“What do you mean?”

“I like stars, I like the moon, I like the sun, I like many things, but none of them make me cry, including you.”

“Jiang Wen, I like you, but I don’t love you.” She spoke, “So, don’t have such high expectations of me, okay?”

He had thousands of words, but they were all blocked by her one sentence about not loving. It was like something was suddenly uncovered – Jiang Wen finally realized that from beginning to end, this was all his one-man show.

She watched coldly from the sidelines while he performed too earnestly.

“Our state makes both of us very tired. I feel I can’t return emotions of equal weight to you, you feel unbalanced, and I get increasingly tired.”

Feng Ning said, “Why don’t we separate for a while, let both of us calm down?”

Jiang Wen froze there, not knowing how to react for a moment. He was silent for a very long time.

“I’m sorry, my personality isn’t very good.”

Jiang Wen’s voice was rough, “I didn’t realize I was making you so tired like this. I was too willful before, I’ll change in the future.”

“Don’t be like this, Jiang Wen.”

Feng Ning wanted to continue speaking but was interrupted by him, “I don’t want to break up, even if you…” he said with difficulty, “even if you don’t love me, it doesn’t matter.”

Feng Ning didn’t know what to feel. She looked at him, silent for a long time.

Finally, she said, “Okay, fine.”

Jiang Wen began to reduce the frequency of calling and messaging her. When he saw her again, it was two months later.

Two days before New Year’s, Jiang Wen flew back to Nancheng.

He sat on the long bench at the bus stop on Rain River Alley’s street, spending an entire afternoon there, waiting for Feng Ning to return home from school.

The sky gradually darkened, the orange sunset blurred into a large mass. Feng Ning walked slowly with her head down, not looking at the path ahead.

Just as he called out one syllable, Shuang Yao suddenly rushed out from the alley, giving Feng Ning a bear hug.

Across the road, cars passed between them.

Feng Ning let Shuang Yao hug her, her head resting on her shoulder, laughing very happily.

It was a laugh that Jiang Wen… hadn’t seen in a very long time, one from the heart, joyful and relaxed.

She seemed to not have been this happy for a long time.

He stood still with his suitcase.

…

…

Around seven or eight in the evening, Feng Ning finished one subject’s homework. Suddenly remembering tomorrow was New Year’s Eve, she took out her phone and sent Jiang Wen a message:

-What are you doing?

Their last chat was the day before yesterday, Jiang Wen had sent her a goodnight, and she replied with a moon emoji. The distance between them was becoming increasingly obvious.

Anyway, this was normal right? No matter how much passion, it would gradually be worn away by distance and time.

Jiang Wen: [Are you done with your work?]

Feng Ning stared at these few words for a long time, his cautiousness suddenly made her feel a bit guilty. She put down her pen, thought for a moment and replied:

-Nothing much now, want to video chat?

The other side replied very quickly: [Then come down, I’m at your door.]

Feng Ning couldn’t quite process this. She casually threw on a coat, sat down at the makeup mirror, rolled up her sleeves, poured foundation liquid onto her arms, smoothed it out, then used concealer to cover up the remaining marks, grabbed her keys and went down.

In the night, Jiang Wen sat on the long bench. It was cold, he wore a dark blue coat, his face red from the cold.

He seemed to always prefer this color.

Feng Ning slowed her steps, walked forward, handed him a hot water bottle, “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?”

The temperature outside was very low. Feng Ning shivered, sat down beside him, “How many days are you staying?”

“Leaving day after tomorrow.”

She curved her lips upward, “When did you arrive?”

“Just got off the plane.”

After a pause, Feng Ning only then noticed, “You didn’t bring luggage back?”

“Left it at the hotel.”

“Didn’t tell your family?”

Jiang Wen shook his head.

Both had nothing more to say. Feng Ning pulled his hand over, felt the temperature: “Are you cold?”

“Not cold.”

“Have you eaten?”

“Ate at the airport.” Jiang Wen looked at her in the dim light, “How about you, how’s school lately?”

Feng Ning shrank her neck, wrapped the scarf around one more time to block the cold wind, “It’s fine, the new homeroom teacher is good, quite likes me too.”

Though only a few months had passed, the topics they could talk about seemed to be getting fewer and fewer. Everything was different from before. Feng Ning lowered her head, staring at her toes lost in thought.

Her attention scattered very easily now. Two sounds passed before Feng Ning realized Jiang Wen was speaking. She quickly adjusted her expression, turned her head, “Hmm?”

Jiang Wen suddenly fell silent, stopping.

A moment of quiet. After a while, Jiang Wen said softly, “It’s getting late, you should go home. Want to go out tomorrow afternoon?”

“Sure, send me a message when you get to the hotel.”

Feng Ning stood up, walked a couple steps, looked back. Jiang Wen still sat in place, not moving, just looking at her like this.

She turned around, waved at him, raised a smile: “See you tomorrow afternoon.”

Jiang Wen nodded, “See you tomorrow.”

The next day was New Year’s Eve, the streets were very lively. Feng Ning matched the festive atmosphere, wearing all red, taking Jiang Wen to her once favorite noodle shop.

While waiting for the food, she used his phone to order two milk teas.

Leslie Cheung was on TV, smiling at the female lead saying: “If you feel too tired, it’s not wrong to say goodbye in time.”

They chatted a bit about Jiang Wen’s university major. Feng Ning didn’t really understand, after he finished speaking, she started another topic, “So is university fun? How do you get along with your roommates, is it stressful?”

“It’s okay, not many classes in freshman year, not much pressure.”

“Actually…” Jiang Wen thought for a moment, “Two of my roommates are in the student union, busier than me. The school…”

Feng Ning stared at a chopstick lost in thought.

Jiang Wen paused, then continued finishing what he was saying: “The school had a sports meet last month, I participated in the 1500 meters, even got a place.”

“Oh? Really?” Feng Ning sat up straight, nodded absent-mindedly, “That’s good, I haven’t had time to run lately.”

She tried to stay energetic in front of him, but it was so obvious, losing vitality bit by bit. Like she had become a completely different person. Jiang Wen didn’t know where the problem was, didn’t know what to do.

The time before last when they argued, Feng Ning had said to him, “Your concessions, your dedication, only make me want to escape. I don’t know how to respond to you equally.”

The atmosphere was somewhat heavy. She sat across from him eating, putting food in her mouth bite by bite. They didn’t eat very quickly, but there would always be a time when they finished.

Walking past the overpass, Feng Ning stood below looking up. Many memories surfaced, she looked back at Jiang Wen: “What do you want to do later?”

Jiang Wen: “Take the bus?”

Feng Ning knew he meant route 425, “Want to watch a movie first?”

“Sure.”

The movie let out at ten.

They were very in sync, following the crowd out, walking very slowly. They randomly found a bus stop nearby, paid the fare and got on.

Sitting on the night bus, looking out, the streets were very lively. Feng Ning’s smile disappeared, she clearly felt certain emotions suddenly disconnect.

Didn’t want to talk.

Head against the window, feeling exhaustion surge up all over.

Jiang Wen turned his head to look at her.

Feng Ning had no emotional fluctuation at all, her whole person filled with impenetrable silence. He said: “Are you not happy being with me?”

“Huh?” Feng Ning didn’t know what had gone wrong. Recalling what had just happened, she looked at him slightly confused, her tone still carrying some guilt, “I’m not unhappy, just the study pressure is quite high lately, so I don’t feel like talking much.”

Jiang Wen stated plainly: “When I’m with you, those are my happiest moments.”

Feng Ning’s mind finally cleared a bit, having a premonition of what he would say next.

Paused for a few seconds.

“I don’t know how to win you back anymore.”

Jiang Wen’s expression suddenly faded, “Feng Ning, let’s break up.”

For a very, very long time, Feng Ning didn’t answer, seeming to concentrate on watching the scenery outside the window. She turned her head, said: “Happy New Year.”

It turned out it was already past twelve.

Jiang Wen made a sound.

She put her hands in her pockets, stood up, “We’re at the final stop, let’s get off.”

This was where their story began.

…

…

In the car on the way back, Feng Ning asked, “Want to listen to one more song?”

Jiang Wen shook his head. Then neither of them said anything more. At the city center, they got off the bus together. There were voices everywhere, brilliant fireworks bursting open one after another overhead.

Feng Ning very calmly asked, “Have you thought it through?”

Jiang Wen didn’t move, exhaustion and pain in his eyes.

She nodded thoughtfully, “It’s my fault.”

“Then I’m going.” Feng Ning pointed to show Jiang Wen, “Once I cross this road, I won’t look back, you should go too.”

Feng Ning looked at him seriously, then smiled and said, “When I was with you, I was also very happy.”

She left.

Standing on the brilliantly lit street, Jiang Wen suddenly felt a bit lost.

If possible, how nice it would be if time could stop forever at that first meeting in the blazing summer.

The sixteen-year-old Jiang Wen, wearing a clean white shirt, his features cold yet delicate, was the boy all the girls at school yearned for but didn’t dare approach.

The dazzling sunlight cast dappled tree shadows on the ground as Feng Ning walked past him carefree.

She smiled at him, her eyes full of light.

From then on, he fell completely under her radiance.

—

The next afternoon, Feng Ning received a takeout call.

Coming out of the classroom, she discovered it had started drizzling. The rain was very fine, only a few people had umbrellas.

At the school gate, the delivery guy in yellow handed over a milk tea – it was the one she had ordered yesterday using Jiang Wen’s phone.

Feng Ning seemed frozen, not moving for a long while. Only when others urged her did she come back to her senses, said thank you, and took the milk tea.

She carried it forward, didn’t return to the classroom, but went to the track field where she used to take walks with Jiang Wen.

Her phone vibrated once.

-Feng Ning, I’m back at school.

She lowered her head, looking at this message. For an instant, though she felt relieved, her heart transmitted a dull pain that spread bit by bit. Like there was a stone pressing down, she couldn’t breathe.

The rain gradually grew heavier, soaking her clothes. Feng Ning sat in the stadium stands, chin propped on both hands, staring blankly ahead.

She finished the milk tea alone, sent Jiang Wen a message:

Okay, bye.

Her phone vibrated again:

-Mm.

This should be the end.

She deleted his chat window and put away her phone. Step by step she walked down the stairs.

There’s a line in Spirited Away that says, when someone who has accompanied you for a long time needs to get off, even if you’re reluctant to part, you should be grateful and wave goodbye.

Our final stop has arrived.

If you must leave in the end.

Please be a little gentler when you leave me.